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  #1  
Old 12-14-2019, 11:57 PM
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tebman tebman is offline
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Default 'Twas The Month Before Soxmas

The winter meetings have passed, and so has the big talent. There don't seem to be enough fingers to plug the holes; the White Sox signed Grandal but can't seem to attract pitchers to match. The offseason's been a thin gruel.

Other than beer, what better way to sooth our frayed nerves than with rhyme? Once again, we repair to that old chestnut, "A Visit From St. Nicholas" by Clement Moore, substituting verses that reflect our recent non-events. This bit of tetrameter can be used to kill time until Hahn signs more players above A-ball.

As always, apologies to Mr. Moore.


‘Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the week,
Not a deal there was stirring, least not one we seek.
Garlands were hung by the lobby with care,
In hopes that some big news would be ours to share.

The agents were nestled all snug in their suites,
With visions of contracts for their men in cleats.
And Rick with his bromides, and Ken with lips sealed
Had just settled plans to fill G.R. Rate Field.

When out in the hall there arose such a chatter,
Reporters jumped up to learn what was the matter.
Away to my flat screen I swiveled to see,
Rebooted the laptop and checked MLB.

The screen with its glow upon my darkened face
Gave a luster of letdown I could not erase,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the news that Zack Wheeler would never be here.

With a little short statement so bland and so quick,
I knew in a moment we’d soon hear from Rick.
Less rapid than eagles, they came nonetheless;
And he named them, still talking of long-term success:

“Now Grandal! The catcher, who’s good as it gets.
McCann will be backup, when Grandal just sits.
On Dunning! On Burdi! On Lambert, now fly!
Abreu’s come back to be King RBI!”

As messages in a long Twitter feed fly,
When they meet with some skeptics, they force a reply.
So through sabermetrics, the arguments flew,
With reference to WARs, and Pythagoras too.

And then, in a twinkling, or so it would seem,
Came news that Mazara had now joined the team.
As I drew back my head and regretted our luck,
Gerrit Cole found more money than old Scrooge McDuck.

We were deeply annoyed, from the head to the foot,
And knew money was not where the mouth had been put.
A bundle of cash had been flung at them all,
But the White Sox were not where they chose to play ball.

Their eyes never twinkled; Rick’s calls unreturned.
Their interest lay elsewhere; the White Sox were spurned.
Their megabuck pacts were drawn up like a bow,
And the fans on both coasts had become all aglow.

The stump of a dream had been tight in his hands,
And the smoke now encircled Rick’s smoldering plans.
His own poker face and the mood it betray,
Soon gave me to know he’d have little to say.

He spoke not a lot, but went straight to clichés,
And filled all the press room; then turned to appraise.
And laying his finger aside of his notes,
And giving a nod, he provided some quotes.

He sprang to his desk, to his staff gave direction,
Finding lower-cost players for his growing collection.
And I heard him exclaim, as he retraced his track,
“Do you think that Scott Boras might still call me back?”

.
.
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  #2  
Old 12-15-2019, 12:02 AM
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voodoochile voodoochile is offline
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Thank you as usual for your awesome efforts.

Note to everyone else, please don't let this thread devolve. Tebman deserves better.

Thank you in advance.
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  #3  
Old 12-15-2019, 04:39 AM
Grzegorz Grzegorz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by voodoochile View Post
Thank you as usual for your awesome efforts.

Note to everyone else, please don't let this thread devolve. Tebman deserves better.

Thank you in advance.

Great job Tebman. Merry Christmas to you and yours in addition to everyone on White Sox WSI.
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  #4  
Old 12-15-2019, 09:20 AM
A. Cavatica A. Cavatica is offline
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Brilliant!
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  #5  
Old 12-15-2019, 12:21 PM
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DumpJerry DumpJerry is offline
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Bravo!
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  #6  
Old 12-15-2019, 03:12 PM
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thomas35forever thomas35forever is online now
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Well done as always, teb.
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  #7  
Old 12-15-2019, 05:45 PM
Crooked Number Crooked Number is offline
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Fantastic. Thank you for yet another Sox themed verse. Poignant and incredibly entertaining!
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  #8  
Old 12-15-2019, 08:28 PM
fungo bat fungo bat is offline
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Great stuff. As always - witty, spot on and entertaining.
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  #9  
Old 12-16-2019, 07:07 AM
Maximo Maximo is offline
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This is as good as it gets. Thanks and Happy Holidays, Tebman.
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  #10  
Old 12-16-2019, 09:00 AM
XplodingScorbord XplodingScorbord is offline
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One of the best parts of the holidays. Good work, Tebman!
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  #11  
Old 12-16-2019, 09:14 AM
soxfanatlanta soxfanatlanta is offline
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Fantastic!
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