I played baseball with a bat, helmet, glove, invisible ball and invisible teammates of the Cubs, Sox and Yankees. Oh, sure I did try to play baseball with some kids from the neighborhood when I was about 9 years old or so. I discovered my first time playing that, if there was one thing the neighborhood kids enjoyed more than playing baseball, it was shouting every single four-letter, foul-mouthed epithet in their parents' worldly vocabularies. At one point, I made a mistake and a kid my age called...