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In honor of actor Andy Garcia and his (unintentionally) hilarious reaction to Sofia (Mary Corleone) Coppola's death scene in "The Godfather, Part III."
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Posted 12-04-2010 at 02:07 PM by TommyJohn
Updated 08-10-2013 at 02:47 PM by TommyJohn

Wanted: Dead or Alive
Juan "The Kid" Uribe

White Sox shortstop shoots Navy officer

Report: gun used in shooting purchased outside Cell before Game 1 of 2005 ALDS

White Sox fans loudly cheer their new hero

"He's always been my favorite player! Go Juan!" -William Ligue, convicted felon, future Uribe cellmate and World's Number 1 White Sox fan

Guest columnist Greg Couch: Did playing with A.J. Pierzynski inspire Uribe to violence?

McGrath Editorial: Is there no end to the humiliation that Chicago must endure at the hands of this "team"?
____________________________________

Woo thumbs, bums his way to Buck O'Neill funeral

Pullout section: What's it like to be the woo? You ask woo! Doo be doo be doo.

Woo Woo: Man, I never knew being a loudmouthed,
annoying pain in the ass could be so rewarding. All I
have to do is show up somewhere in my funky ass
Cub uniform and doctors, lawyers and Hollywood
celebrities fall all over me and give me money. I wouldn't
be making half as much if I was actually working for a
living.
_____________________________________

HARUMPH! Rick Morrissey was appalled, APPALLED I tell you, when the Chicago Sun-Times replaced the "O" in its Chicago masthead with a Bears helmet and palm fronds, all but rooting for them to make that year's Super Bowl in Miami. This offended Rick, who couldn't believe that the Scum-Times would violate "the most sacred" of journalistic canons "thou shalt not root for the home team."

Further comments not needed.

Morrissey: Sun-Times low class

I can't believe what I saw. The Sun-Times actually
put a Bears helmet in place of the "O" in the
sacred name of our city. I have never been so
disgusted in my entire life. My God. What utter
lowlifes. How can they disregard that most sacred
of ethical canons of journalism "thou shalt not
root for the home team"? My sense of journalistic
integrity is offended! What were they thinking?
I, for one, would never, ever root for the White
Sox. Neither would any of my colleagues. But
then again, we don't work for a tabloid. Oh, sure
we all ruined Steve Bartman's life in 2003,
but he was a nerd cost my Cubbies the World Series,
so he had it coming.

One more thing before I end this article, plug
my nose and go delouse to wash off the diseases
that the Sun-Times has inflicted on me and all
good, honest journalists: the Bears might win the
Super Bowl this year. If they do, their welcome
home parade will make the White Sox parade
look like a family picnic in the park. And when
my Cubbies win it in 2007 (I know I picked 2006
because I said I had a special feeling. Well this
year I have a special, special feeling) it will make
the Bears parade seem like a family picnic in the
park! GO CUBS!

Ahem. Excuse me. I must go wash the stink of the
Sun-Times off my suit. A pity they are still in the
same city as our Bastion of Integrity. Disgraceful.
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