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In honor of actor Andy Garcia and his (unintentionally) hilarious reaction to Sofia (Mary Corleone) Coppola's death scene in "The Godfather, Part III."
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Posted 12-04-2010 at 01:12 PM by TommyJohn
Updated 05-29-2011 at 11:46 AM by TommyJohn

[B]There are now some headlines which mention William Ligue. No Sox fan needs to be reminded of Ligue or what he did on that infamous September, 2002 night. But the Trib seemed to delight in doing just that. Every time Ligue did something, the Trib website posted the news in sports. The joke was that he was their favorite White Sox fan. [/B]

[B]This next series of headlines was inspired by visits to a website dedicated to the JFK assassination. The site supports the theory that Oswald did it, and one section talks about the bizarre "double Oswald" theories. The writer stated that many "Oswald" sightings were from attention-seekers, and others may have seen somebody who looked like Oswald and thought it was him. He posted a picture of former White Sox pitcher Ray Herbert, who played with them in the early 60's, as proof. Well, that just was too much to resist.[/B]


[B][SIZE=5]Tribune Exclusive![/SIZE][/B]
[B][SIZE=5]Lee Harvey Oswald a White Sox fan?[/SIZE][/B]


[B]The Chicago Tribune has unearthed this rare photgraph, which has [/B]
[B]been identified as being one of Lee Harvey Oswald, accused assassin[/B]
[B]of [/B][B]President Kennedy, taken at Comiskey Park in the summer of[/B]
[B]1963. As you can see, Oswald was wearing a White Sox hat and[/B]
[B]jersey, proclaiming his allegiance to his favorite team. The Tribune[/B]
[B]has also obtained an exclusive interview with John D. Lusional, an[/B]
[B]employee at Cook County Psychiatric Ward (or an inmate, we never[/B]
[B]verified which) [/B][B]who [/B][B]was at the game and clearly remembers [/B]
[B]seeing Oswald. [/B]

[B]"He talked about how his two favorite Cubans were Fidel Castro [/B]
[B]and Minnie Minoso." says Lusional. [/B]

[B]Page 2: Was Oswald at Game 1 of 1959 World Series? Two blurry [/B]
[B]photographs prove conclusively that he was[/B]


[SIZE=1]Tribune Correction dept.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]Yesterday the Tribune ran a picture, allegedly of Lee Harvey Oswald at a White Sox game.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=1]It has been confirmed that the man in the picture is actually Ray Herbert, a White Sox[/SIZE]
[SIZE=1]pitcher who looked like Oswald. The Tribune regrets the error. (not really.) [/SIZE]


[B][SIZE=4]A message from Don (Why me?) Wycliff[/SIZE][/B]

[B]Hello, stupid people. Once again you paranoid, insecure White Sox fans[/B]
[B]are clogging my inbox with your crazy emails. Once again I have been[/B]
[B]called down from my perch high above the rest of you to deal with you[/B]
[B]people. [/B]

[B]The issue was a picture published in the Trib purported to be one of[/B]
[B]Lee Harvey Oswald at a White Sox game. It turned out to be a picture[/B]
[B]of a former player, Ray Herbert. Now all of you are saying we did it on[/B]
[B]purpose, to try and make it look like one of the most notorious figures[/B]
[B]in American history was a White Sox fan. Sigh.[/B]

[B]Look, people. For the 1 millionth time, we aren't biased against them[/B]
[B]or you. We got a picture that was newsworthy, so we published it.[/B]
[B]We had it verified by our crack team of researchers Tinker, Evers[/B]
[B]and Chance. We found a guy who said he was at the game and heard[/B]
[B]Oswald swear allegiance to Castro and Minoso. Is it our fault he turned[/B]
[B]out to be a nut? [/B]

[B]I know you all want to find some conspiracy here, but there is[/B]
[B]none, OK? The Trib acted in good faith and got a story that we went[/B]
[B]with because it was news. That is what newspapers are here for,[/B]
[B]people, to print news. I know it turned out to be false, but hey. It's[/B]
[B]not our fault you people were stupid enough to believe it.[/B]



[B][SIZE=5]Shani Davis wins gold[/SIZE][/B]
[B][SIZE=4]Davis wears Sox hat; befuddled foreigners ask "vat is 'ess-oh-ex?'"[/SIZE][/B]
[B][SIZE=4]Isaacson: Cubs hat would've been easily recognized[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Morrissey: Further proof that this is not only a Cubs town, but a Cubs world[/SIZE][/B]


[B]October, 2004[/B]

[B][SIZE=5]Sosa skips out on last game[/SIZE][/B]
[B]we've got the video to prove it; no need to show it[/B]

[B][SIZE=5]Sosa to be traded, Hendry will work out deal for good of team[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=5]Sosa corked bat, used steroids, blew up head, is all-around jerk[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Morrissey: Sammy is selfish, trade the jerk[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Sullivan: Sammy's got to go! He cheated![/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Downey: get rid of the steroid freak![/SIZE][/B]

[B]February, 2006[/B]

[B][SIZE=5]Sosa to retire, statue at Wrigley next?[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=5]Hall easy call. Our experts tell us why you're all idiots if you don't think Sosa belongs in Hall of Fame[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Downey: You're kidding, right? You're actually[I] asking [/I]if Sosa belongs?[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Sullivan: Uh, excuse me stupid people. Steroids weren't against the rules, ya know! All those homers were legit. Thomas's weren't. Now he's a jerk and a scumbag[/SIZE][/B]

[B][SIZE=4]Morrissey: It's a Cub town now and forever! It's Sammy's town and he will always rule it! Yes! As many yes votes as I can have! [/SIZE][/B]

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