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View Full Version : The Moron column count '02: Flubs 11, Sox 4


cheeses_h_rice
04-19-2002, 10:24 AM
Here it is, folks, the Moron column we've all been waiting for.

So the Sox just get done with a 3-game sweep of a team that started the season 11-1 and had won 10 in a row. Our division rival, and reigning AL Central champion. Sox bats tattooed the crap out of Jndjans pitching, and the Sox's "weak arms" held Cleveland to a collective 8 runs over 3 games.

So just what the f@%k exactly does Jay Moronotti write about today? Why, it's the Joe Stephen Affair and the 13 Fights in the Stands Affair!!!

This one is really out of control -- he veers in 9 different directions at once, subtly slamming the park, the neighborhood, our fans, and of COURSE, leaving it to his kids to say "Wrigley is cooler."

Break out the gas masks and Hazmat suits while reading this one, folks -- it's lethal.

I give this one a 2 on this scale...he does actually say the Sox have a good thing going. Gee, 10-5 is a good thing? YA THINK?!?

5=Extremely positive
4=positive
3=equal parts positive and negative
2=negative
1=extremely negative

That makes the totals (columns/points/average points):

Flubs 11/42/3.82
Sox 4/12/3

:moron

Won't somebody think of the children?



http://www.suntimes.com/output/mariotti/cst-spt-jay19.html

Sadly, trouble at home

April 19, 2002

BY JAY MARIOTTI SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST


I'm all for fun at the old ballpark, having had plenty myself. But there's a difference between razzing an opponent and being an insensitive lout, whether it's a fan in the stands or a team employee who selects the music. Where I draw the line is when an athlete is mired in a family crisis, something from which none of us is immune.

You could say Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley, a father of two who allegedly was beaten up by his fairly famous wife on April 1, is having a family crisis.

It was disgusting enough the other night when White Sox fans taunted Finley with related cheap shots in the visitors' bullpen, where he warmed up before the game. But if their weak excuse is the price they paid for admission, DJ Joe Stephen had no such defense in the Comiskey Park sound booth. As the Indians were taking batting practice, Stephen decided he would ''rile up the crowd'' by poking his own fun at Finley. The pitcher's now-estranged wife is Tawny Kitaen, a B-movie actress whom you may have seen in ''Bachelor Party'' or ''California Girls.'' She once was married to David Coverdale, a Robert Plant wannabe who sang for the heavy-metal '80s band Whitesnake and gave Kitaen a provocative role in a heavy-rotation MTV video for a song called ''Here I Go Again.''

Well, guess which song our clever sound guy decided to dust off and play?

Rivalry or otherwise, this was a classless jab. Imagine if you were in a life situation and someone came by your workplace, blasting a boom-box tune ridiculing your woe. That's what Finley had to deal with. And if the sound guy wanted to rile up a crowd, he got his wish on a warm night when giddy Sox fans, enjoying a 10-5 rout of the first-place Tribe, turned the ballmall into a brawlmall and engaged in more than a dozen fights around the premises. A sports franchise that promotes a family atmosphere can't tolerate such a whirlwind of fisticuffs, especially when one of their hired hands is part of the provocation process.

Fortunately, the Sox didn't stand for it. They fired Stephen, a harsh but necessary statement about the fan experience on the South Side. A season doesn't pass without a couple of messy incidents that further mar widespread perceptions of Comiskey, already burdened by a watch-your-step neighborhood. In most cases, management hasn't responded--pooh-poohing an incident when a since-fired talk-radio host at the Sox' flagship station was pummeled outside the park, doing nothing when coins and other objects were thrown at Detroit Tigers pitchers in the bullpen, generally blaming the media when questions are raised about safety.

But this time, the Sox got it right. Not so much in dumping the sound guy--who they claim had a ''series of problems'' that forced his termination--but in sending a message that Comiskey isn't going to be Animal House if they can help it. ''We felt if Chuck took offense, we wanted to say to him, 'Hey, we've got a little bit more class than that around here,''' said general manager Ken Williams, who issued a formal apology to Finley.

The low-brow crowd on local sports radio didn't agree, with one host, the normally measured Dan Jiggetts on WSCR-AM (670), loudly protesting, ''I don't want those Cleveland guys feeling comfortable.'' This is the same ex-Bear who, oddly, complains when a lineman is criticized in the newspaper for missing a block. Look, there are times to pile on a player--when he doesn't give his best, when he's overpaid and flat-out stinks, when he's a jerk or problem child or when he does something cowardly like beat his wife. But Finley, whether the neanderthal crowd can grasp this or not, was the alleged victim here. Bruises, welts and all.

When Finley was tattooed for nine runs and knocked out of the game, nothing was wrong with hooting and hollering about his lousy pitching. Yet the snide remarks and musical selections took the charade straight into the gutter, a poor reflection on the Sox, Comiskey and the city. One day later, news broke that Finley had filed for divorce and obtained a temporary restraining order preventing Kitaen from seeing him. He also received temporary custody of the couple's two daughters, ages 9 and 3. Under oath, Finley said, ''I am fearful that [Kitaen] ... will harm herself or harm others, including me or including my children.'' Meanwhile, Kitaen acknowledged she has become addicted to prescription drugs for depression and migraines and checked into a rehab program last week.

This is something to laugh at? To parody in song? If you can't muster sympathy for Chuck and Tawny, just think of the kids.

For their next step, the Sox need to do a better job of controlling the rowdies. How this is done, I'm not sure, because the South Side tradition is loud and boisterous. But 13 fights in one night? If the natives are this feisty now, what happens when the Cubs come to Comiskey? Noting the raucousness, manager Jerry Manuel had fun with the scene, which probably didn't amuse an always-tense Sox marketing staff.

''If they could somehow promote fights like that--send them out there [during] the seventh-inning stretch every day,'' he said. ''Section 108, clear out, ding, let's go. Everybody take a breather from the game, then get back and do our thing. That guy in the Ordonez jersey, I'd promote him. He was really swinging.''

Just the sort of thing that lures a family of four to 35th and Shields. My kids want to see a ballgame this weekend. With both teams in town, I gave them a choice of Cubs or Sox, understanding they live in a neutral sports columnist's home and aren't influenced by traditional parochial pressures. Which team did they choose?

Cubs. Wrigley is cooler, they concurred.

The Sox seem to have a nice thing going this season. In slowing down the Cleveland speed train, they proved they'll have a long shelf life and might steal the back page from the Cubs, who are struggling with injuries and inconsistent bats. Even as Frank Thomas ebbs and flows, the offense is a pinball machine, dinging up runs from all sources. If the kid pitchers hold up, the playoffs are a possibility. Williams added a possible reinforcement Thursday in Jose Canseco, who was a regular contributor last year and, despite zero interest elsewhere, still has power in his bat.

All's good on the field. Now, if everyone would just behave off the field and realize, above all, a common rule of ballpark life.

Never play Whitesnake for any reason. As much as it hurts feelings, it hurts ears.

cheeses_h_rice
04-19-2002, 10:28 AM
Apologies to RedPinStripes -- I hadn't read his other column.

At least we've got the updated Moron stats now.

:moron

"Watch-your-steps, Sox fans. There's Negroes around your park."

Iwritecode
04-19-2002, 10:45 AM
Notable quotes:

Well, guess which song our clever sound guy decided to dust off and play?

Uh... Jay, please don't use the word "our" in any of your columns ever again...

A season doesn't pass without a couple of messy incidents that further mar widespread perceptions of Comiskey, already burdened by a watch-your-step neighborhood.

Then everyone wonders why attendance is so low and why all non-Sox fans have the perception that Comiskey is in a "bad" neighborhood?

Just the sort of thing that lures a family of four to 35th and Shields.

Sure, obviously the local media is doing a great job of helping to lure families of four to the park. I know this subject has been beaten to death on this board but I am starting to agree with marketing more towards the younger singles crowd rather than have the family atmosphere because that hasn't been working too well the past few years.

My kids want to see a ballgame this weekend. With both teams in town, I gave them a choice of Cubs or Sox, understanding they live in a neutral sports columnist's home and aren't influenced by traditional parochial pressures. Which team did they choose?

Neutral? BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Nuf said...

Cubs. Wrigley is cooler, they concurred.

Yep, that's right. I'd rather take my kids to the worlds largest bar with 30,000 drunks stumbling around...

The Sox seem to have a nice thing going this season. In slowing down the Cleveland speed train, they proved they'll have a long shelf life and might steal the back page from the Cubs, who are struggling with injuries and inconsistent bats. Even as Frank Thomas ebbs and flows, the offense is a pinball machine, dinging up runs from all sources. If the kid pitchers hold up, the playoffs are a possibility. Williams added a possible reinforcement Thursday in Jose Canseco, who was a regular contributor last year and, despite zero interest elsewhere, still has power in his bat.

OMG, a positive article in this mess. I'm speechless. :o:


Never play Whitesnake for any reason. As much as it hurts feelings, it hurts ears.

Another OMG. I actually agree with him... :o:

harwar
04-19-2002, 11:03 AM
I don't understand how you guys can read his stuff.If it weren't for that piece-of-*****,mike north or the morning guys beavis&butthead on the score i wouldn't have known.In my opinion,ANYONE playing whitesnake,for ANY reason should be fired ;)

Chisox353014
04-19-2002, 11:11 AM
When Finley was tattooed for nine runs and knocked out of the game, nothing was wrong with hooting and hollering about his lousy pitching. Yet the snide remarks and musical selections took the charade straight into the gutter, a poor reflection on the Sox, Comiskey and the city.

First of all, it was about 6:00 or so when they played that song. I was standing in line buying tickets when it came on. They only played it once. There was no "selections ", plural. He makes it sound like they played it after Finley was knocked out of the game.
If this was a "poor reflection on the city", then what was the Flubs/Dodgers incident a few years ago? That was a LOT worse than anything that happened Tuesday. Funny how he claims a history of incidents at Comiskey, but can't see fit to mention the Flubs at all.

Just the sort of thing that lures a family of four to 35th and Shields. My kids want to see a ballgame this weekend. With both teams in town, I gave them a choice of Cubs or Sox, understanding they live in a neutral sports columnist's home and aren't influenced by traditional parochial pressures. Which team did they choose? Cubs. Wrigley is cooler, they concurred.

I can't believe he wrote this with a straight face. We're supposed to believe that after years of bashing Comiskey and dry-humping Sammy and Wrigley, he hasn't ever mentioned his opinions to his kids before? He can work a Comiskey bash into a column about the Bears, fer cryin out loud. Neutral my arse!!

Chisox353014
04-19-2002, 11:32 AM
A season doesn't pass without a couple of messy incidents that further mar widespread perceptions of Comiskey, already burdened by a watch-your-step neighborhood.

Crime stats for Comiskey (http://12.17.79.6/ctzntemp/cx5680193720811.htm) .
Crime stats for Wrigley (http://12.17.79.6/ctzntemp/cx5681193729669.htm) .
This is for the last 2 weeks, in a one-mile radius around each park.

Which neighborhood is safer again?

If you look at a map of these crimes, a lot of them are taking place in the Taylor projects across the Dan Ryan from Comiskey. Most of the Wrigley incidents are right near the park.

cheeses_h_rice
04-19-2002, 11:42 AM
And one other thing...

Are "neutral columnists" those who skew their material 3:1 in favor of one team?

Just curious.


:moron

I was never very good at statistics.

By the way, jerks, Wrigley is cooler. So there!

cheeses_h_rice
04-19-2002, 12:05 PM
Interesting post by Ncorgbl on the Sox MLB board...

http://www.forums.mlb.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=ml-whitesox&msg=7864.3&ctx=0

soxrme
04-19-2002, 03:09 PM
MARRIOIDIOT IS NOT THE ONLY ONE. MORRISEY IN THE TRIBUNE DID THE DAILY TRIBUNE COLUMNIST CRAP ABOUT THE ATTENDANCE. LEAVE IT ALONE FANS WILL BE THERE. ACTUALLY OVER 13,000 FOR AN APRIL NIGHT IS PRETTY GOOD. WE OUTDREW ABOUT 4 OR 5 OTHER CITIES. PHILLY HAD 4600. WRITE THE DAMN COLUMNS ABOUT SWEEPING THE INDIANS AND ABOUT THE TEAM, LEAVE THE DAMN ATTENDANCE THING ALONE.

Nellie_Fox
04-19-2002, 03:26 PM
Welcome to the board, soxrme. Now, please, turn off the Caps Lock.

doublem23
04-19-2002, 04:41 PM
Does he even understand the concept of baseball?

:chunks

cheeses_h_rice
04-19-2002, 04:52 PM
Originally posted by doublem23
Does he even understand the concept of baseball?

:moron

Of course I do. The object is to have the "cooler" place to go and more people in the stands, right?