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View Full Version : Help me with my sadistic but very funny Cub fan boss


Vernam
03-21-2007, 09:27 PM
Okay, this is an embarrassing admission. No, not the admission that I have a Cub fan for a boss -- hey, a man's gotta eat! But that this year he has hornswoggled me twice into thinking I'd have to miss an important Sox event for work reasons. Laugh if you must, but allow me to explain . . . 1. I was scheduled to be off on the first day of Sox Fest, but he sent a message via Blackberry saying something important had come up and he'd need me at work.

2. Just this week, he engineered a vast conspiracy to have others in the office arrange an important meeting for April 2, then had a third party break the news to me that I'd have to work that day.
Both times, I completely fell for the ruse. The second was especially cagey, because the person who told me about the meeting had no reason to believe I was going to Opening Day. :D: She broke down today and let me in on the joke, otherwise I think the plan was to make me squirm all next week. But I think someone realized I might give the tix away, and so took pity on me.

My boss is a true Sox-hating Cub fan, which used to be rare in the pre-2005 era. Hard though it may be to believe, he's also a great guy. But now my mind is on revenge, and I need suggestions about how to even the score without getting myself, um, fired. :wink:

As I've told him, my dad actually would've gotten himself fired over the Sox Fest thing! I've also advised everybody that if they pull a third prank, I'm going to get irate and walk around the office saying fire-able things, then claim I was joking if they actually try to fire me.

So c'mon, I need some creative ideas. Also, obviously, I need to do something quickly, because we all know that by about June 1, no Cub fan is going to have any sense of humor about such things.

Vernam

getonbckthr
03-21-2007, 09:34 PM
Convince him they got Arod, convince him they replaced the IVY, convince him that UnderArmour will have ads on their walls. Wait a minute the last one is true.

ChiSoxLifer
03-21-2007, 09:49 PM
Isn't it bad enough he's a Cubs fan? What worse could you do to him that a Cubs team being ten games out of first place by May could do?

AnkleSox
03-21-2007, 10:05 PM
Decorate your desk with 2005 world series stuff. Then buy him a Cubs mug that says "1908 World Series Champions."

soltrain21
03-21-2007, 10:15 PM
Put a White Sox vanity license plate on his car. That is what a couple of my old high school teachers did to a Cubs fan. He drove around for a month with it on his car without knowing.

getonbckthr
03-21-2007, 10:20 PM
Walk into to his office with a straight face and tell him that there are some FBI agents at the door and they wish to talk to him immediately.

Soxfanspcu11
03-21-2007, 10:28 PM
Put a White Sox vanity license plate on his car. That is what a couple of my old high school teachers did to a Cubs fan. He drove around for a month with it on his car without knowing.

HOLY CRAP!!! This is EXACTLY what me and my friends did to a flubs fan of ours!

Although in our case, he didn't notice it for close to a year!!! We had even forgotten about it until he had some work done on the underside of his car.

I guess that they put his car up on a lift so that they could work on it, and when it was up in the air, he noticed it.

He really didn't find it that funny though. He wasn't sure, but he had suspicions that we did it and he called each one of our phones and let us have it. Saying things like, "I can't believe I drove around with this crap on my car for so long! You guys are such *******s! Etc. Etc. Etc".

I told him simply and calmly that we did his car a favor. I told him that people might actually respect him out on the road now and believe that he is educated. I made sure that he knew that driving around with Flub merch on your car is a sure fire way for other motorists to know that you are a tool.

eriqjaffe
03-21-2007, 10:28 PM
Get this:

http://www.fansedge.com/Images/Product/33-39/33-39958-F.jpg

...blown up to wall size and put it up on whatever wall your boss's desk faces at night sometime.

Dan Mega
03-21-2007, 10:55 PM
Just smile politely. He's a Cubs fan, joke is already on him. Just ask the Tribune.

IndianWhiteSox
03-21-2007, 11:55 PM
Just smile politely. He's a Cubs fan, joke is already on him. Just ask the Tribune.

:kneeslap::kneeslap:

StillMissOzzie
03-22-2007, 03:11 AM
Put a White Sox vanity license plate on his car. That is what a couple of my old high school teachers did to a Cubs fan. He drove around for a month with it on his car without knowing.

I don't have a Sox vanity plate, but I do have a fine 2005 World Series Champions license plate frame that would probably improve the looks of his ride.
Or, you could just tell him you saw on ESPN.com that Soriano broke his leg in an outfield collision and will be out for the year.
Or, you could just tell him that it looks like Mark Prior will start the year in AAA Des Moines. Oh, wait a minute...

SMO
:gulp:

dwalteroo
03-22-2007, 08:15 AM
It would be a little expensive, but you should pool some money together with other people from the office, and buy a brick in the new memorial at US Cellular, congratulating the Sox on their WS win. Sign it of course from their biggest fan, your boss. And, the beauty is.....it's there forever.

thomas35forever
03-22-2007, 08:30 AM
Find a picture of the hand giving the finger with the WS ring on it, blow it up, and put it on the front side of your desk.

palehozenychicty
03-22-2007, 10:45 AM
Get this:

http://www.fansedge.com/Images/Product/33-39/33-39958-F.jpg

...blown up to wall size and put it up on whatever wall your boss's desk faces at night sometime.

Dag, I forgot about that one! That would take the cake in my mind. :D:

maurice
03-22-2007, 11:27 AM
Convince him they got Arod

This is a good one and probably not too hard to pull off. All you have to do is think of a plausible trade . . . well, plausible to a Cub fan. Zambrano's probably "too much" in their tiny minds. If you could recruit a co-worker to go along with it, that would be helpful.

Co-worker: Did you hear about the big Cubs trade?
Boss: No, what happened?
Vernam: You didn't hear?
Co-worker: The Cubs got ARod!
Vernam: Yeah, I guess the Yankees really wanted to get rid of him.
Boss: No way!
Vernam: Seriously. They gave up Pie, Eyre, Izturis, and some minor-league pitcher.
Co-worker: Yeah, they totally don't need those guys now that they have Soriano, Cotts, and ARod.
Vernam: The Cubs are gonna suck anyway.
Boss: No, now we're UNSTOPPABLE! etc. etc.

Then, you can "argue" about the impact of the "trade," until Boss learns that the story is bogus. Wackiness ensues.

bryPt
03-22-2007, 11:45 AM
It would be a little expensive, but you should pool some money together with other people from the office, and buy a brick in the new memorial at US Cellular, congratulating the Sox on their WS win. Sign it of course from their biggest fan, your boss. And, the beauty is.....it's there forever.

This is by far the best one! May have to do that for a friend of mine!

Jerko
03-22-2007, 11:58 AM
This is by far the best one! May have to do that for a friend of mine!

I wouldn't want their names in there........

johnr1note
03-22-2007, 12:16 PM
Get this:

http://www.fansedge.com/Images/Product/33-39/33-39958-F.jpg

...blown up to wall size and put it up on whatever wall your boss's desk faces at night sometime.

This is very good. My office is full of White Sox memorabilia, and I thought of adding that photo from 1969 with the black cat walking past Ron Santo as he stood in the on-deck circle. I think its better than the cover above, because it speaks to the essence of what the Cubs are all about.

Vernam
03-22-2007, 04:32 PM
Thanks, everybody, for the great suggestions. Vanity plates seem to be the most fool-proof, because I can see how someone would drive for months without noticing them. The A-Rod trade idea is good, but there's a good chance he'd smell a rat and not fall for it. Buying a brick at USCF is the most audacious -- that would really sting. Do I really want a Cub fan's name there, though? Especially when I haven't shelled out for a brick of my own? :D:

After his first prank, I wore a Sox hat to a meeting that day. I'd have to think carefully about having the middle-ring-finger poster up in my office, because that would probably meet every definition of "creating a hostile work environment." :wink:

Vernam

Andy T Clown
03-22-2007, 08:49 PM
Tell him to hurry home and set his Tivo because Ron Santo is going to be on Dancing with the Stars.:D:

RedHeadPaleHoser
03-23-2007, 06:31 AM
If you have a VCR and TV for the whole office, show nothing but the wonderful results of game 6 and 7 of the 2003 NLCS. Just have the games run on a continuous loop, and hide the VCR so he can't turn it off.

Or, (this one would take some work) but get all the Santo-isms onto a tape, and hook a speaker up in his office, so all day long he can listen to "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Get a used laundry bag, fill it with twenty towels tied into knots, and tell him you bought Mark Prior's training kit off Ebay for him.

PatK
03-23-2007, 08:51 AM
Sleep with his wife.

IndianWhiteSox
03-23-2007, 08:59 AM
Sleep with his wife.

He want to keep his job, not get fired and have his career ruined. But a better way would be to buy him that jacket that says "Chicago Cubs TWO-TIME WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS" Now I know at $300 that would be expensive for a prank, but I think its worth it.

Beer Can Chicken
03-23-2007, 11:01 AM
Sleep with his wife.

Nice.

"His wife is in a coma"

PatK
03-23-2007, 12:11 PM
Nice.

"His wife is in a coma"

That's what I was going for.

Pods4455
04-09-2007, 10:26 PM
Oh man Im going to have to do some of these for my boss @ work.. hes a HUGE Cub's fan... we actually banter back and forth about a lot of players.. I waitress @ Chilis.. and I talked to him tonight... because he has Harden on his fantasy team and I have contreras pitching tonight.. we have a $100 bet that the sox will win more games that the cubs.. etc etc... lol. He's really hilarious and fun to talk baseball w/ so I don mind... But I might try and find that "1908" coffee mug.. LMAO

Rocky Soprano
04-10-2007, 09:14 AM
Tell him to hurry home and set his Tivo because Ron Santo is going to be on Dancing with the Stars.:D:

LMAO! :D:

twentywontowin
04-10-2007, 09:36 AM
Tell him to hurry home and set his Tivo because Ron Santo is going to be on Dancing with the Stars.:D:

I'm personally waiting for Heather Mills' leg to fly off, but Ron Santo would be gold.

Chisox353014
04-10-2007, 03:50 PM
Sleep with his wife.

LOL

Walk right up to him and tell him "the jerk store called...and they're running out of YOU!"

Or, put this on the wall of his office:
http://www.desipio.com/images/si-cover.jpg