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View Full Version : Ozzie Guillen Fined $10,000 For What He Just Thought


Vernam
08-10-2006, 12:55 PM
From the Onion, though not all that implausible when you, um, think about it: link (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51526).

MLB disciplinary officials announced that Ozzie Guillen would be fined $10,000 and ordered to undergo sensitivity psychoanalysis for the "irresponsible, offensive, and completely unacceptable" thoughts that passed through the White Sox manager's mind during Wednesday night's game.
Great photo, too. :roflmao:

Vernam

itsnotrequired
08-10-2006, 12:58 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

Scottiehaswheels
08-10-2006, 01:02 PM
That was awesome... The Jon Garland thing... priceless

salty99
08-10-2006, 01:04 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

You obviously have never heard of the Onion.

Tekijawa
08-10-2006, 01:06 PM
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/PF/PF_816984_999~Parental-Advisory-Explicit-Lyrics-Posters.jpg

Love the Onion!

I also enjoyed this article:
Outgoing Commissioner Tagliabue Expected To Pardon Dennis Miller Before Leaving Office
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51533

chisoxfanatic
08-10-2006, 01:07 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

The Onion is a very popular sports satire website, which pokes fun at various happenings in the sports world. They did a hilarious piece on Mark Prior signing a 2-year contract with the DL. Check the site out sometime. It'll leave you laughing hard at times.

davenicholson
08-10-2006, 01:11 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?
:o:
I guess The Onion is going to have to start using teal for their entire site.

0o0o0
08-10-2006, 01:13 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

That is so not fair!

MUsoxfan
08-10-2006, 01:13 PM
That's a tremendous article:D:

CLR01
08-10-2006, 01:13 PM
The Onion is a very popular sports satire website, which pokes fun at various happenings in the sports world. They did a hilarious piece on Mark Prior signing a 2-year contract with the DL. Check the site out sometime. It'll leave you laughing hard at times.

The onion is not sports specific, they go after anything and everything. There is a sports specific one (maybe more) out there, www.thebrushback.com (http://www.thebrushback.com).


One of the all-time classic onion pieces was about congress threatening to move out of Washington because they wanted a capital building with a retractable roof. It was picked up by some Chinese (I believe) newspaper and reported as the truth. :rolling:

BNLSox
08-10-2006, 01:14 PM
The Onion is a very popular sports satire website, which pokes fun at various happenings in the sports world. They did a hilarious piece on Mark Prior signing a 2-year contract with the DL. Check the site out sometime. It'll leave you laughing hard at times.

Not just sports... All subject matter.


Brilliant article. I love the end punchline. It was glorious!

chisoxfanatic
08-10-2006, 01:20 PM
The onion is not sports specific, they go after anything and everything. There is a sports specific one (maybe more) out there, www.thebrushback.com (http://www.thebrushback.com).


One of the all-time classic onion pieces was about congress threatening to move out of Washington because they wanted a capital building with a retractable roof. It was picked up by some Chinese (I believe) newspaper and reported as the truth. :rolling:

Oh, I was unaware of that. I've just seen links to the sports one.

Justagirl
08-10-2006, 01:42 PM
"Also, I would never, ever do that kind of thing to a person in real life, even if I had a worn-down radial-saw blade and 100 milligrams of hydrogen cyanide at my disposal," Guillen added.


LOL. Awesome. Those writers are on crack.

slobes
08-10-2006, 01:43 PM
Haha the Onion is hilarious

Soxworldchamps
08-10-2006, 01:50 PM
:roflmao:




There's one about Pierzynski too if you just type in "Chicago White Sox" into the search bar.


I heart the Onion.

batmanZoSo
08-10-2006, 01:51 PM
The onion is not sports specific, they go after anything and everything. There is a sports specific one (maybe more) out there, www.thebrushback.com (http://www.thebrushback.com).


One of the all-time classic onion pieces was about congress threatening to move out of Washington because they wanted a capital building with a retractable roof. It was picked up by some Chinese (I believe) newspaper and reported as the truth. :rolling:

And the all time best brushback article was the one last year where "manager Ozzie Guillen stabbed Hunter Wendelstedt* 39 times after a disputed call to 'light a spark' in the team."

:roflmao:

*It may or may not have been Wendelstedt mentioned, can't remember specifically.

DaleJRFan
08-10-2006, 01:51 PM
The last line is friggin awesome. I can totally see that exact thought passing through Ozzie's brain as he walks away from the throng of reporters in the dugout before a game...

DaleJRFan
08-10-2006, 01:53 PM
And the all time best brushback article was the one last year where "manager Ozzie Guillen stabbed Hunter Wendelstedt* 39 times after a disputed call to 'light a spark' in the team."

:roflmao:

*It may or may not have been Wendelstedt mentioned, can't remember specifically.

theBrushback sucks. After the Sox won the WS last year, they ran a piece about Bud Selig hanging the WS banners at Wrigley because "We're not hanging these beautiful World Series Banners in Comisky, that place is a ****ing dump".

buehrle4cy05
08-10-2006, 01:55 PM
:roflmao:




There's one about Pierzynski too if you just type in "Chicago White Sox" into the search bar.


I heart the Onion.

Sept. 28—White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, using his free hand while catching to hold a copy of The Big Fat Book Of 1,001 Insults, humiliates all Seattle Mariners batters with his distinct brand of heckling.

:rolling:

Uncle_Patrick
08-10-2006, 02:08 PM
You obviously have never heard of the Onion.

I was once on the El and had to explain to a woman that the Onion article she was reading, "12 Year Old Retired Nigerian Army General Goes Through Midlife Crisis" was, in fact, a made up story. She argued the point that it could be true because she heard that people in Africa join the military at a young age.

Palehose13
08-10-2006, 02:18 PM
The Onion is a very popular sports satire website, which pokes fun at various happenings in the sports world. They did a hilarious piece on Mark Prior signing a 2-year contract with the DL. Check the site out sometime. It'll leave you laughing hard at times.

Actually, the Onion started as(and is still) a free newspaper and if I was told correctly it's origins are in Wisconsin (either Milwaukee or Madison). We have the an "Onion stand" here in our school lobby. :cool:

TDog
08-10-2006, 02:18 PM
You obviously have never heard of the Onion.

When I was living in Yuma, Ariz., there was a local morning talk show hosted by a right-wing former sheriff. Someone faxed him a story from the Onion about a proposal by prominent congressional Democrats so over-the-top that at WSI no teal would have been required.

The radio host said it came from the Onion and treated it like a real story. I am sure he didn't know what the Onion was. He was screaming about how all Democrats need to be taken outside and shot. While I was driving downtown and heard the exchange, the callers I heard said the story showed why Democrats should be tortured before being shot.

The reaction to the story was funnier than the story itself.

0o0o0
08-10-2006, 02:21 PM
theBrushback sucks. After the Sox won the WS last year, they ran a piece about Bud Selig hanging the WS banners at Wrigley because "We're not hanging these beautiful World Series Banners in Comisky, that place is a ****ing dump".

:rolleyes:

AnkleSox
08-10-2006, 02:22 PM
The onion is not sports specific, they go after anything and everything. There is a sports specific one (maybe more) out there, www.thebrushback.com (http://www.thebrushback.com).


One of the all-time classic onion pieces was about congress threatening to move out of Washington because they wanted a capital building with a retractable roof. It was picked up by some Chinese (I believe) newspaper and reported as the truth. :rolling:

There's also a great piece about PNC Park threatening to leave Pittsburgh unless the Pirates put a quality team on the field.

itsnotrequired
08-10-2006, 03:04 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

I figured teal wasn't even necessary but I guess I was wrong.

:redneck

DaleJRFan
08-10-2006, 03:33 PM
:rolleyes:

Are you rolling your eyes because I misspelled Comiskey?

samram
08-10-2006, 03:38 PM
Actually, the Onion started as(and is still) a free newspaper and if I was told correctly it's origins are in Wisconsin (either Milwaukee or Madison). We have the an "Onion stand" here in our school lobby. :cool:

Their offices were in Madison; I'm not sure if they still are. There was always a question as to exactly where they were. We thought they may have been hidden away in that strip mall on Johnston where that movie theater and post office are. I think Paesan's is in that mall too.

Shakey Bonez
08-10-2006, 03:41 PM
www.sportspickle.com

DJ Gallo's main site. That's the site for a major Onion Sport's contributor, and Page 2 contributor. It's got some very innapropriate articles on it that are just hilarious.

MUsoxfan
08-10-2006, 03:43 PM
Are you rolling your eyes because I misspelled Comiskey?

Probably not so much that as your inability to have fun with a joke:wink:

Scottiehaswheels
08-10-2006, 03:44 PM
www.sportspickle.com (http://www.sportspickle.com)

DJ Gallo's main site. That's the site for a major Onion Sport's contributor, and Page 2 contributor. It's got some very innapropriate articles on it that are just hilarious.


Midway down on that page.. about the Tigers.. funny stuff

itsnotrequired
08-10-2006, 03:45 PM
Their offices were in Madison; I'm not sure if they still are. There was always a question as to exactly where they were. We thought they may have been hidden away in that strip mall on Johnston where that movie theater and post office are. I think Paesan's is in that mall too.

That was definitely where the offices were. I had a friend who worked there.

0o0o0
08-10-2006, 03:54 PM
Are you rolling your eyes because I misspelled Comiskey?
Ha, no. I don't mind a simple typo.

Just cause you hate an entire satirical newspaper because they poked fun at The Cell.

MUsoxfan
08-10-2006, 03:54 PM
Their offices were in Madison; I'm not sure if they still are. There was always a question as to exactly where they were. We thought they may have been hidden away in that strip mall on Johnston where that movie theater and post office are. I think Paesan's is in that mall too.


A big deal was made a few years ago when they picked up and moved from Madison to NYC. Milwaukee and Madison were a bit upset

Shakey Bonez
08-10-2006, 03:57 PM
They paid CASH for their current office in NYC as well.

I love reading it online; however, I hate the print version of it. There are just WAY too many ads in it for me, although that's why it's free.

Lyle Mouton
08-15-2006, 09:21 AM
God bless The Onion

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51526

ps i'm sorry if it's already been posted, I couldn't find it anywhere

itsnotrequired
08-15-2006, 09:23 AM
What's funny is that you can do a search of your exact thread title and you get the original:

http://www.whitesoxinteractive.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=76873&highlight=Ozzie+Guillen+fined+%2410%2C000+thought

:tongue:

0o0o0
08-15-2006, 11:01 AM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

Britt Burns
08-15-2006, 11:56 AM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

Should this have been in teal? If not, please see the entire upthread posts...

MUsoxfan
08-15-2006, 12:59 PM
Is that article for real? How can someone be fined for thoughts?

Right on cue. The second post of the original said the exact same thing:cool:

miker
08-16-2006, 06:33 PM
Right on cue. The second post of the original said the exact same thing:cool:
Maybe WSI should start handing out some fines for those who "just don't get it"...