thecip
07-18-2006, 09:17 PM
Greetings! It is I, Bizzaro Ozzie, taking a break from my conversational French classes, musing on the state of Chicago’s own, the World Champion Bizzaro White Sox.
Defending a World Series championship is hard work. Despite complete lack of saviness, General Manager Bizzaro Ken Williams acquired Bizzaro Jim Thome for clubhouse goon Bizzaro Aaron Rowand. Unfortunately, the team’s offensive production really hasn’t recovered after Bizzaro Thome broke his elbow in the third week of play, sidelining him for the rest of the season. So, in hindsight, it was a bad idea trading Bizzaro Frank Thomas to the Bizzaro A’s (who rely on scouting more than statistical analysis). A small upside of Bizzaro Thome injury is that he is no longer in the clubhouse; his reputation as a ‘clubhouse cancer’ certainly isn’t understated.
Offsetting our total lack off offence, our pitching has really picked up the slack, with surprising all-stars Bizzaro Javier Vazquez and Bizzaro Freddy Garcia and nearly unhittable setup man Bizzaro Cliff Polite. Replacing pitcher Bizzaro ‘Skinny’ Bobby Jenks last year, Flamethrower Bizzaro Shingo Takatsu has proved last year’s season was not a fluke by amassing a huge amount of strikeouts, becoming one of the top three closers in the game.
As a manager, it always brings a tear to my eye seeing the cheers our catcher Bizzaro A.J. Pierzynski receives on the road. It is a pleasure to work with such fine man, even if he moonlights as a professional polo player during the off season. Being such a popular player, some opponents let their love and respect for Bizzaro A.J. carry on to an extreme. For instance, it was uncomfortable seeing adoration for Bizzaro A.J. manifesting itself in a kiss from Bizzaro Cubs catcher Bizzaro Michael Barrett. Some things should be left off the field and stay in the clubhouse.
Bizzaro Rookie Brian Anderson astounding .355 average offsets his lackluster defensive play.
The team was hit pretty hard recently when Bizzaro Jermaine Dye decided to leave the Sox and play sidekick to Bizzaro Conan O'Brien. He will be missed. Loosing Bizzaro Dye reminds me of last year when Bizzaro Carl Everett took a leave of absence, excavating the remains of Brontosaurs in Montana and his subsequent one-man-show teaching children about Darwin and evolution.
I enjoy Bizzaro Jay Mariotti’s columns very, very much. His prose harkens back to sports journalists of yore and is among the manliest of men. We remain the best of friends despite his constant praise.
I’m very excited about the rest of the season though I am unsure of our chance in returning to the Bizzaro playoffs. Well fans, I better get back to class. Later tonight, Bizzaro Buck Showalter and I are going to the Art Museum then getting pedicures.
Go Bizzaro Sox!
Bizzaro Ozzie
Manager, Bizzaro White Sox
Defending a World Series championship is hard work. Despite complete lack of saviness, General Manager Bizzaro Ken Williams acquired Bizzaro Jim Thome for clubhouse goon Bizzaro Aaron Rowand. Unfortunately, the team’s offensive production really hasn’t recovered after Bizzaro Thome broke his elbow in the third week of play, sidelining him for the rest of the season. So, in hindsight, it was a bad idea trading Bizzaro Frank Thomas to the Bizzaro A’s (who rely on scouting more than statistical analysis). A small upside of Bizzaro Thome injury is that he is no longer in the clubhouse; his reputation as a ‘clubhouse cancer’ certainly isn’t understated.
Offsetting our total lack off offence, our pitching has really picked up the slack, with surprising all-stars Bizzaro Javier Vazquez and Bizzaro Freddy Garcia and nearly unhittable setup man Bizzaro Cliff Polite. Replacing pitcher Bizzaro ‘Skinny’ Bobby Jenks last year, Flamethrower Bizzaro Shingo Takatsu has proved last year’s season was not a fluke by amassing a huge amount of strikeouts, becoming one of the top three closers in the game.
As a manager, it always brings a tear to my eye seeing the cheers our catcher Bizzaro A.J. Pierzynski receives on the road. It is a pleasure to work with such fine man, even if he moonlights as a professional polo player during the off season. Being such a popular player, some opponents let their love and respect for Bizzaro A.J. carry on to an extreme. For instance, it was uncomfortable seeing adoration for Bizzaro A.J. manifesting itself in a kiss from Bizzaro Cubs catcher Bizzaro Michael Barrett. Some things should be left off the field and stay in the clubhouse.
Bizzaro Rookie Brian Anderson astounding .355 average offsets his lackluster defensive play.
The team was hit pretty hard recently when Bizzaro Jermaine Dye decided to leave the Sox and play sidekick to Bizzaro Conan O'Brien. He will be missed. Loosing Bizzaro Dye reminds me of last year when Bizzaro Carl Everett took a leave of absence, excavating the remains of Brontosaurs in Montana and his subsequent one-man-show teaching children about Darwin and evolution.
I enjoy Bizzaro Jay Mariotti’s columns very, very much. His prose harkens back to sports journalists of yore and is among the manliest of men. We remain the best of friends despite his constant praise.
I’m very excited about the rest of the season though I am unsure of our chance in returning to the Bizzaro playoffs. Well fans, I better get back to class. Later tonight, Bizzaro Buck Showalter and I are going to the Art Museum then getting pedicures.
Go Bizzaro Sox!
Bizzaro Ozzie
Manager, Bizzaro White Sox