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TomBradley72
02-03-2006, 02:35 PM
April 7: Home Opener and raising of the "Attendance Flag" to commemorate the magical 2005 season in which the Cubs were a bigger draw than any of their hatedrivals. Not being raised: World Series Champions flag.
April 8: Presentation of the "Nice Neighborhood" rings to members of the 2005 squad in commemoration of their capturing of the city's heart by playing in such acute little part of town. Not being presented: World Series Champions rings.
April 9: Home Opener Weekend festivities conclude with the Cardinals completing a sweep of the Cubs at Wrigley.
April 24: Win a Mark Prior autographed picture! 100 lucky fans will receive a 5 x 7 photo signed by the Cubs' 11-game winner!
April 25: Turn Back the Clock I with throw back jerseys, old-timey music and special guests and relive the magic of the Cubs epic loss to the Florida Marlinsin the 2003 NLCS.
May 13: Turn Back the Clock II with authentic 1984 uniforms jerseys and an even-more-authentic loss to the 1984 NLCS champion San Diego Padres.
May 14: Precious Moments figurine doll to the first 10,000 female fans.
June 15: Kerry Wood bobblehead day. The first 10,000 fans will receive a bobblehead doll of the Northsiders' all-time leader in simulated strikeouts!
June 16: Turn Back the Clock III - Kick off a rematch of the Cubs most recent World Series appearance as they welcome the Detroit Tigers and try to beat them for the first time since 1945.
June 30: Crosstown Amnesty Day - All managers and first 25 players on the White Sox active roster will receive a complimentary win.
July 1: Turn Back the Clock IV - 1906 World Series rematch. Authentic memorabilia will be given out to lucky Cub fans, as will an authentic 1906-style massacre of their lovable losers.
July 2: Lovable Loser Day - First 15,000 losers get to fall in love with the Cubs even more as they are handed yet another staggering loss at home by yet another area team that has built something more substantial than their own ticket-scalping empire.
July 14: Harry Caray Day, featuring an all-star tribute to the late and beloved former White Sox and Cardinals announcer.
August 1: Nine Games Back Day - First 10,000 fans in attendance to correctly explain what "Nine Games Back"means receive a Cubs t-shirt.
August 19: Playoff Day. Come out and root for the Cubs as they stand on the brink of elimination against the Cardinals with forty-one games still left to play inthe season. First 20,000 fans wearing Cubs gear receive a White Sox t-shirt.
September 2: Turn Back the Clock V - Cubs fans, comeout and party like it's 1989 in this showdown againstthe 1989 NLCS champion San Francisco Giants!
October 1: Final Home Game / Wait 'Til Next Year Day -First 39,538 fans are idiots.

Rocky Soprano
02-03-2006, 02:37 PM
Could you possibly make it any harder to read?

crazyozzie02
02-03-2006, 02:39 PM
Yeah seriously. If it was easier to read, it would be a lot funnier.

Colin

Fenway
02-03-2006, 02:42 PM
Could you possibly make it any harder to read?

http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/chc/schedule/promotions.jsp


OH BOY!!!!

Autographed Ron Santo Schutt SportsŪ official MLB base
(100 random winners)*

"Exclusive limited-edition American GirlŪ doll-sized Chicago Cubs apparel" (Apparel only, doll not included)
(1st 5,000 girls, age 14 & younger)

Autographed Ron Santo retired jersey replica flag
(100 random winners)*

areilly
02-03-2006, 02:53 PM
I wrote that!

I'm serious! I wrote that at work on Tuesday!!!

Here's the full text:


Some things are funny year-round...pitchers and catchers report next month!
=====================
2006 Chicago Cubs Promotional Schedule

April 7: Home Opener and raising of the "Attendance Flag" to commemorate the magical 2005 season in which the Cubs were a bigger draw than any of their hated rivals. Not being raised: World Series Champions flag.

April 8: Presentation of the "Nice Neighborhood" rings to members of the 2005 squad in commemoration of their capturing of the city's heart by playing in such a cute little part of town. Not being presented: World Series Champions rings.

April 9: Home Opener Weekend festivities conclude with the Cardinals completing a sweep of the Cubs at Wrigley.

April 24: Win a Mark Prior autographed picture! 100 lucky fans will receive a 5 x 7" photo signed by the Cubs' 11-game winner!

April 25: Turn Back the Clock I with throwback jerseys, old-timey music and special guests and relive the magic of the Cubs' epic loss to the Florida Marlins in the 2003 NLCS.

May 13: Turn Back the Clock II with authentic 1984 uniforms jerseys and an even-more-authentic loss to the 1984 NLCS champion San Diego Padres.

May 14: Precious Moments figurine doll to the first 10,000 female fans*.

June 15: Kerry Wood bobblehead day. The first 10,000 fans will receive a bobblehead doll of the Northsiders' all-time leader in simulated strikeouts!

June 16: Turn Back the Clock III - Kick off a rematch of the Cubs' most recent World Series appearance as they welcome the Detroit Tigers and try to beat them for the first time since 1945.

June 30: Crosstown Amnesty Day - All managers and first 25 players on the White Sox active roster will receive a complimentary win.

July 1: Turn Back the Clock IV - 1906 World Series rematch. Authentic memorabilia will be given out to lucky Cub fans, as will an authentic 1906-style massacre of their lovable losers.

July 2: Lovable Loser Day - First 15,000 losers get to fall in love with the Cubs even more as they are handed yet another staggering loss at home by yet another area team that has built something more substantial than their own ticket-scalping empire**.

July 14: Harry Caray Day, featuring an all-star tribute to the late and beloved former White Sox and Cardinals announcer.

August 1: Nine Games Back Day - First 10,000 fans in attendance to correctly explain what "Nine Games Back" means receive a Cubs t-shirt***.

August 19: Playoff Day. Come out and root for the Cubs as they stand on the brink of elimination against the Cardinals with forty-one games still left to play in the season. First 20,000 fans wearing Cubs gear receive a White Sox t-shirt.

September 2: Turn Back the Clock V - Cubs fans, come out and party like it's 1989 in this showdown against the 1989 NLCS champion San Francisco Giants!

October 1: Final Home Game / Wait 'Til Next Year Day - First 39,538 fans are idiots.

(*) This one's real, believe it or not. Precious Moments? Come on.
(**) Wrigley Field Premium Ticketing Services, 3717 N. Clark St.
(***) Contest runs through the end of the 2006 season. Okay, 2007 season.

DaleJRFan
02-03-2006, 03:16 PM
I wrote that!

I'm serious! I wrote that at work on Tuesday!!!



That's gooood stuff. Great job! Thanks for the laughs.

Hitmen77
02-03-2006, 03:31 PM
I wrote that! I'm serious! I wrote that at work on Tuesday!!!
Here's the full text:
====================
2006 Chicago Cubs Promotional Schedule

April 7: Home Opener and raising of the "Attendance Flag" to commemorate the magical 2005 season in which the Cubs were a bigger draw than any of their hatedrivals. Not being raised: World Series Champions flag.
April 8: Presentation of the "Nice Neighborhood" rings to members of the 2005 squad in commemoration of their capturing of the city's heart by playing in such acute little part of town. Not being presented: World Series Champions rings.

April 24: Win a Mark Prior autographed picture! 100 lucky fans will receive a 5 x 7 photo signed by the Cubs' 11-game winner!

October 1: Final Home Game / Wait 'Til Next Year Day -First 39,538 fans are idiots.

These are classic. They are funny because they are so true.

:roflmao:

Baby Fisk
02-03-2006, 03:33 PM
http://www.doctordog.com/merchant2/graphics/00000001/ethcatdog/goggles.jpg
"Damn, that's some good satire!"

Hangar18
02-03-2006, 03:43 PM
that was totally good for a laugh, heh heh. Thanks. I dont know what everyone is talking about, that was extremely easy to read.

Jerko
02-03-2006, 03:44 PM
He fixedit up hangaritwas likethisatfirst.

Hangar18
02-03-2006, 03:47 PM
He fixedit up hangaritwas likethisatfirst.

heh hehehheh.. Gotcha!

LuvSox
02-03-2006, 04:02 PM
Good stuff!!!!!!! :kneeslap:

ChiSoxGirl
02-03-2006, 04:06 PM
:roflmao: I LOVE IT!!! I saved it in Word so it's easily accessible the next time I need a good laugh! I'll also share it with the very few Sox fans I work with. :cool:

Jerko
02-03-2006, 04:08 PM
MORE proof that Sox fans care more about the Cubs...............

SOXPHILE
02-03-2006, 04:11 PM
When is "Backwards Cub Hat & Pooka Bead Wearing Fratboy" Day ? Has anyone seen our friend, Wrigleyville Fratboy ? Maybe we can ask him.

Hangar18
02-03-2006, 04:17 PM
Friday April 28th vs. Brewers-
8th Anniversary Wild Card Championship Reunion Weekend
Celebrate Chicagos very FIRST Championship, as the Cubs relive that historic run of 1998

Friday 1st 10,000 fans get a 1998 Wild Card Champions Tshirt
Saturday 1st 10,000 fans get a 1998 Wild Card Champions Replica Trophy
Sunday 1st 10,000 fans get a 1998 Wild Card Champions Replica Rings

Hangar18
02-03-2006, 04:30 PM
Monday April 24th vs. Florida Marlins
Juan Pierre 1984 Throwback Jersey Nite.
As the Cubs take the field for their 2nd Nationally Televised game of the young season, Celebrate with long-time Cub great, speedster and fan-favorite Juan Pierre as he unveils his 1984 jersey from the NL East Champs! A sure-to-be Collectors item as Pierre speeds his way to Cooperstown!

soxfanatlanta
02-03-2006, 04:47 PM
Er...Are you sure you don't write for TheOnion.com?

Funny stuff.

Erik The Red
02-03-2006, 04:53 PM
Monday April 24th vs. Florida Marlins
Juan Pierre 1984 Throwback Jersey Nite.
As the Cubs take the field for their 2nd Nationally Televised game of the young season, Celebrate with long-time Cub great, speedster and fan-favorite Juan Pierre as he unveils his 1984 jersey from the NL East Champs! A sure-to-be Collectors item as Pierre speeds his way to Cooperstown!
Juan Pierre turned 7 during the 1984 season. :?:

Hangar18
02-03-2006, 05:01 PM
Juan Pierre turned 7 during the 1984 season. :?:

:lynch&mcfail "SSSsshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Dont ruin this for us. Our Trixie fanbase may not know that Juan Pierre was 7, thats true ....but.....er....
he admits himself..........the he watched the great cub team of 1984 on WGN and he couldnt wait to one day himself become a Cub. So we figured its fitting to say he was on our team back in 1984"

kittle42
02-03-2006, 05:21 PM
Friday April 28th vs. Brewers-
8th Anniversary Wild Card Championship Reunion Weekend
Celebrate Chicagos very FIRST Championship, as the Cubs relive that historic run of 1998

Friday 1st 10,000 fans get a 1998 Wild Card Champions Tshirt
Saturday 1st 10,000 fans get a 1998 Wild Card Champions Replica Trophy
Sunday 1st 10,000 fans get a 1998 Wild Card Champions Replica Rings

This isn't that far fetched for them!

JohnBasedowYoda
02-03-2006, 05:23 PM
hate filled and hilarious. top-notch.

MarySwiss
02-03-2006, 05:38 PM
:roflmao: I LOVE IT!!! I saved it in Word so it's easily accessible the next time I need a good laugh! I'll also share it with the very few Sox fans I work with. :cool:

Exactly! For all you curmudgeons, save it in Word, change the font to Times Roman, and insert a hard return following each "promotion."

MarySwiss
02-03-2006, 05:45 PM
April 7: Home Opener and raising of the "Attendance Flag" to commemorate the magical 2005 season in which the Cubs were a bigger draw than any of their hatedrivals. Not being raised: World Series Champions flag.
April 8: Presentation of the "Nice Neighborhood" rings to members of the 2005 squad in commemoration of their capturing of the city's heart by playing in such acute little part of town. Not being presented: World Series Champions rings.
April 9: Home Opener Weekend festivities conclude with the Cardinals completing a sweep of the Cubs at Wrigley.
April 24: Win a Mark Prior autographed picture! 100 lucky fans will receive a 5 x 7 photo signed by the Cubs' 11-game winner!
April 25: Turn Back the Clock I with throw back jerseys, old-timey music and special guests and relive the magic of the Cubs epic loss to the Florida Marlinsin the 2003 NLCS.
May 13: Turn Back the Clock II with authentic 1984 uniforms jerseys and an even-more-authentic loss to the 1984 NLCS champion San Diego Padres.
May 14: Precious Moments figurine doll to the first 10,000 female fans.
June 15: Kerry Wood bobblehead day. The first 10,000 fans will receive a bobblehead doll of the Northsiders' all-time leader in simulated strikeouts!
June 16: Turn Back the Clock III - Kick off a rematch of the Cubs most recent World Series appearance as they welcome the Detroit Tigers and try to beat them for the first time since 1945.
June 30: Crosstown Amnesty Day - All managers and first 25 players on the White Sox active roster will receive a complimentary win.
July 1: Turn Back the Clock IV - 1906 World Series rematch. Authentic memorabilia will be given out to lucky Cub fans, as will an authentic 1906-style massacre of their lovable losers.
July 2: Lovable Loser Day - First 15,000 losers get to fall in love with the Cubs even more as they are handed yet another staggering loss at home by yet another area team that has built something more substantial than their own ticket-scalping empire.
July 14: Harry Caray Day, featuring an all-star tribute to the late and beloved former White Sox and Cardinals announcer.
August 1: Nine Games Back Day - First 10,000 fans in attendance to correctly explain what "Nine Games Back"means receive a Cubs t-shirt.
August 19: Playoff Day. Come out and root for the Cubs as they stand on the brink of elimination against the Cardinals with forty-one games still left to play inthe season. First 20,000 fans wearing Cubs gear receive a White Sox t-shirt.
September 2: Turn Back the Clock V - Cubs fans, comeout and party like it's 1989 in this showdown againstthe 1989 NLCS champion San Francisco Giants!
October 1: Final Home Game / Wait 'Til Next Year Day -First 39,538 fans are idiots.

Yet another one of those things I wish I wrote! GREAT STUFF!

thomas35forever
02-03-2006, 06:05 PM
When Aaron comes back as a Phillie, that could be Former Sox Centerfielder Continues to Humiliate the Team Night.

Good stuff!:roflmao:

C-Dawg
02-03-2006, 06:06 PM
Kerry Wood bobblehead day. The first 10,000 fans will receive a bobblehead doll of the Northsiders' all-time leader in simulated strikeouts!

Just to be authentic, I hope this doll is made out of balsa wood to reflect how fragile Kerry Wood really is.

Hitmen77
02-03-2006, 06:09 PM
When is "Backwards Cub Hat & Pooka Bead Wearing Fratboy" Day ? Has anyone seen our friend, Wrigleyville Fratboy ? Maybe we can ask him.

I think that's every home game at Wrigley.

areilly
02-03-2006, 06:50 PM
Yet another one of those things I wish I wrote! GREAT STUFF!

Aw shucks, ma'am.

:redface:

ChiSoxLifer
02-03-2006, 06:56 PM
What happened? They decided to drop the "Choker Collar night" against the Marlins? Why did they switch from the Carrie Wood bobble-arm?

doublem23
02-03-2006, 07:15 PM
Hilarious!

Crosstown Amnesty Day. :rolling:

RadioheadRocks
02-03-2006, 09:42 PM
Love it! The only thing missing is the $1000 per-plate "Commemorative Steve Bartman Spaghetti Dinner".

RadioheadRocks
02-03-2006, 09:45 PM
Monday April 24th vs. Florida Marlins
Juan Pierre 1984 Throwback Jersey Nite.


Love the idea of THROWBACK JERSEY NIGHT... take your favorite Cubs jersey and "throw it back! throw it back! throw it back!" :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

dcb56
02-21-2006, 02:25 AM
Hey, I heard the Cubs added a new promotional day to their schedule:

May 30 vs. Reds- Resurrection of the Messiah Day:
Come celebrate the return of our Savior as he makes his first start of the 2006 season. Authentic Mark Prior Bullpen Drill Towels will be handed out to the first 10,000 fans.

Layla
02-21-2006, 04:12 PM
I had great fun telling one of the Cubs fans I work with that I got a copy of the promotion schedule and did he want it before their tickets went on sale.

It was so worth the look on his face and the "that's not funny.":D: