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He gone
01-11-2006, 09:38 PM
I'm looking for some Cub jokes to send to a Cubs fan.

This is one I've found so far.

A teacher asks her students if they're Cubs fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"
"The White Sox."
"Why's that?"
"Well, my parents are both White Sox fans, so I'm a White Sox fan too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"
"No, that would make me a Cubs fan!"

HomeFish
01-11-2006, 09:45 PM
There's a really good one, but I'm not sure if its appropriate for either WSI or for this email because it contains humor about a possibly offensive subject.

If you want, I can PM it.

santo=dorf
01-11-2006, 09:50 PM
Dusty Baker and Jim Hendry. The two biggest Cub jokes currently on the North Side.

SoXPriDe33
01-11-2006, 09:57 PM
Dusty Baker and Jim Hendry. The two biggest Cub jokes currently on the North Side.


:roflmao:

TheDarkGundam
01-11-2006, 09:57 PM
I'm pretty sure I got this one off of WSI:

There's a guy, who's a huge Sox fan. Everytime he's driving and sees a Cub fan walking down the street he swerves over like he's gonna hit them, and then swerves away at the last second. He does this everyday for months. Then one day, he sees a priest walking down the street. He decides he'll pull over and give the priest a ride. The priest gets in and they drive off. A while later, the guy sees a Cub fan walking down the street and, out of force of habit, he swerves over like he's gonna hit him but swerves away at the last second. Only this time, when he swerved away, he heard a loud THUD! even though he was sure he missed the guy. Then he remembers the priest is with him and says:
"Oh sorry father, I just missed hitting that Cub fan!" and the priest responds,
"Don't worry. I got him with the door."
:redneck

mark2olson
01-12-2006, 08:38 AM
I'm pretty sure I got this one off of WSI:
"Oh sorry father, I just missed hitting that Cub fan!" and the priest responds,
"Don't worry. I got him with the door."
:redneck
A classic, ROTFLMAO

Hangar18
01-12-2006, 09:00 AM
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. lets give it the old
WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Fredsox
01-12-2006, 09:45 AM
The ever-popular:

A Red Sox fan, a Yankees fan, a White Sox fan, and a cub fan are on a camping trip in the mountains. They are arguing over who is the most loyal fan of their respective team. At one point in the conversation the Red Sox fan gets up, shouts "this is for the Red Sox!!" and hurtles himself off a cliff to his death. The Yankees fan, not to be out-done, shouts "this is for the Yankees!!" and follows the Red Sox fan over the cliff to his doom. The White Sox fan leaps to his feet, screams "this is for the White Sox!!" and he throws the cub fan over the cliff.

mjharrison72
01-12-2006, 09:49 AM
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. lets give it the old
WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them: One to hold the bulb and the rest to think the world revolves around them.

RedHeadPaleHoser
01-12-2006, 09:53 AM
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. lets give it the old
WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

38,541 81x a year. The problem is, they think the bulb's broken, but since they don't pay attention anyway.....

1951Campbell
01-12-2006, 10:50 AM
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Getting the bulb screwed in isn't the goal. Getting as many people to show up to try to screw the bulb in is what matters, right?

PatK
01-12-2006, 10:50 AM
What do Todd Walker and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both wear a glove on their left hand with seemingly no effect

Hangar18
01-12-2006, 12:14 PM
What do Todd Walker and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both wear a glove on their left hand with seemingly no effect


:roflmao: heh heh

Hangar18
01-12-2006, 12:16 PM
Q: Why did the little Cub cross the road?


A: To see if World Series Tickets were on sale .......:roflmao:

skottyj242
01-12-2006, 12:17 PM
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. lets give it the old
WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Thirty eight thousand, one to screw in the lightbult and the other 37,999 to talk about how they almost did it in 2003.

skottyj242
01-12-2006, 12:18 PM
What's the difference between a hot dog at Wrigley and a hot dog at Comiskey?

You can get a hot dog at Comiskey in October.

SOXPHILE
01-12-2006, 12:29 PM
Anyone remember that old joke about the announcement being made over the Wrigley P.A. system during a game:

"Will the lady who left her 9 children behind the 3rd base dugout please come to the lost and found and pick them up ? They're beating the Cubs 10-1. Thank you."

Domeshot17
01-12-2006, 04:06 PM
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. lets give it the old
WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?


Haha well if anyone has seen the Stewie Movie, Hopefully they all hold hands while Stewie convinces steve bartmen to screw it in while the electricity is flowing through the switch.

Which leads me to the only joke I remember not already posted ( or a different variation of )

What do you call 40,000 Cubs fans Left out at sea

A Good Start

zach074
01-12-2006, 04:24 PM
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. lets give it the old
WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

40,000 one to change the light bulb and the other 39,999 to talk about how much better the old one looked.

johnnyg83
01-12-2006, 04:46 PM
A sox fan is walking out of the men's room at the Cell and a cubs fan comes in. The cubs fan doesn't see the sox fan wash his hands so he says, "You know, at Wrigley, we ask everyone to wash their hands after they urinate." The Sox fans looks back at the Cubs fan and says, "At the Cell, we ask everyone not to piss on their hands."

ondafarm
01-12-2006, 05:04 PM
What do you call a three day stretch during July when the Cubs just can't figure out how to lose any game they play?




















The All-Star break.

Ol' No. 2
01-12-2006, 05:28 PM
This one's dated, but still good.

Cub fan: How'd those Cubbies do today?
Bartender: They lost 8-0.
Cub fan: Sammy hit any homers?

MarySwiss
01-12-2006, 05:30 PM
This one's dated, but still good.

Cub fan: How'd those Cubbies do today?
Bartender: They lost 8-0.
Cub fan: Sammy hit any homers?

May be dated, but I never heard it before. And it's hysterical.

ChiSoxLifer
01-12-2006, 05:40 PM
Twenty major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last laid claim to a World Series championship:

1. The Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox and the Florida Marlins have all won the World Series.

2. Radio was invented; Cubs fans got to hear their team lose.

3. TV was invented; Cubs fans got to see their team lose.

4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.

5. Haley's comet passed Earth twice.

6. Harry Caray was born....and died. Incredible, but true.

7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

8. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Cubs pitchers.

9. Sixteen U.S. presidents were elected.

10. There were 11 amendments added to the Constitution.

11. Prohibition was created and repealed.

12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered and became the subject of major motion pictures, the latest giving Cubs fans hope that something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.

13. Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field roof to hold all of the team's future World Series pennants. Those flag poles have since rusted and been taken down.

15. A combination of 40 Summer and Winter Olympics have been held.

16. Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown; several thanked Cubs pitchers.

17. Bell-bottoms came in style, went out of style and came back in.

18. Baseball added 14 teams; Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs.

19. The Cubs played 14, 153 regular-season games; they lost the majority of them.

20. Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico were added to the Union.

ChiSoxLifer
01-12-2006, 05:43 PM
The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter

Q: Did you hear about the new Cubs soup?
A: Two sips and then you choke.

The latest diet is better than the Atkins Diet. You eat only when the Cubs win

hellenicsoxfan
01-12-2006, 07:06 PM
I'm pretty sure I read this one at WSI:

Q: What do you call a Cub fan with an opinion?

A: Wrong.

MUScholar21
01-12-2006, 07:35 PM
Originally Posted by Hangar18
Theres any number of answers for this one ............. let's give it the old WSI try here:
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn't matter how many, but every single one there will tell you:

a) how bright the current bulb is
b) how close the last bulb was to being the brightest ever
c) after said bulb burns out, the next one will be the greatest bulb of all

ChiSoxLifer
01-12-2006, 07:38 PM
It doesn't matter how many, but every single one there will tell you:

a) how bright the current bulb is
b) how close the last bulb was to being the brightest ever
c) after said bulb burns out, the next one will be the greatest bulb of all

It also doesn't matter if your bulb is the best. What matters is more people saw it than any other.

soxfan43
01-12-2006, 07:40 PM
I haven't heard most of these before, but I love them. Keep em coming!

MUScholar21
01-12-2006, 07:41 PM
It also doesn't matter if your bulb is the best. What matters is more people saw it than any other.

I also forgot this one: the rooms surrounding the room with the bulb has more to do and more bars, and far less crime than any bulb the White Sox are near.

ChiSoxLifer
01-12-2006, 07:45 PM
I also forgot this one: the rooms surrounding the room with the bulb has more to do and more bars, and far less crime than any bulb the White Sox are near.

You also have to realize the White Sox bulb can only be turned on once and when turned off, will never, ever, go back on again. It's called the GE fluke bulb.

gregp65
01-12-2006, 10:24 PM
I use this one all the time when I see someone with a Cubs hat on (have to be from Illinois to get it):

Me: You a Cubs fan huh, then you are probably pretty excited about the news in the paper this morning.

Cub Fan: What news is that?

Me: The Cubs are going to have an a minor league team in Bloomington next year.

Cub Fan: Really!

Me; Yeah, they wanted to be closer to Normal.


Also, if a Cubs fan and a Cardinals fan both jump off the Empire State Building at the same exact time, and both weigh the same, who hits the ground first?

...Who gives a s**t!

Stroker Ace
01-12-2006, 11:30 PM
This one's dated, but still good.

Cub fan: How'd those Cubbies do today?
Bartender: They lost 8-0.
Cub fan: Sammy hit any homers?Knowing how much attention they actually give to the game, I doubt that it can be considered dated.

ChiSoxLifer
01-13-2006, 12:10 AM
This one's dated, but still good.

Cub fan: How'd those Cubbies do today?
Bartender: They lost 8-0.
Cub fan: Sammy hit any homers?

(Insert Derek Lee)

seanpmurphy
01-13-2006, 06:35 AM
I use this one all the time when I see someone with a Cubs hat on (have to be from Illinois to get it):

Me: You a Cubs fan huh, then you are probably pretty excited about the news in the paper this morning.

Cub Fan: What news is that?

Me: The Cubs are going to have an a minor league team in Bloomington next year.

Cub Fan: Really!

Me; Yeah, they wanted to be closer to Normal.


Also, if a Cubs fan and a Cardinals fan both jump off the Empire State Building at the same exact time, and both weigh the same, who hits the ground first?

...Who gives a s**t!

Are you from Normal, or do you attend ISU/IWU?? SOX fans unite!

gregp65
01-13-2006, 09:18 AM
Murph,

I am not from Normal, but get through there often. I live in Galva and work in Galesburg.

Sox-on-TV44
01-13-2006, 10:20 AM
Q:What does the Cubs and Paris Hilton have in common?
A:Lots of hype,zero talent.

mrfourni
01-13-2006, 01:53 PM
Why don't the Cubs have a website

They can't seem to put three w's together

Hangar18
01-13-2006, 02:10 PM
Why don't the Cubs have a website

They can't seem to put three w's together


People in my office just BURST out laughing at this one, heh heh

ChiSoxGirl
01-13-2006, 02:15 PM
Why don't the Cubs have a website

They can't seem to put three w's together

Good thing it's one of my free periods now and I'm alone my classroom, otherwise people might wonder why I'm doing this right now: :roflmao:

DumpJerry
01-13-2006, 02:42 PM
This one's dated, but still good.

Cub fan: How'd those Cubbies do today?
Bartender: They lost 8-0.
Cub fan: Sammy hit any homers?
Why is this dated? The Cub fan would still ask the question today.

Hey, what do you call Cubs' Spring Training?
Dusty's fantasy baseball camp.

VA_GoGoSox
01-13-2006, 04:48 PM
I think I actually read these jokes at WSI:

What's the difference between a porcupine and wrigley field?

A porcupine's pricks are on the outside.


What's do October and gay bears have in common?

No cubs.

RedHeadPaleHoser
01-13-2006, 04:49 PM
How do Cub fans define optimism?

Two answers - One Century at a Time...OR...

A Contract Extension for Jim Hendry.

MsSoxVixen22
01-13-2006, 05:22 PM
Guys: I haven't heard most of these but they have me ROTFLMFAO!! Keep 'em coming! I'm gonna print alot of them out and read them at work (where there's lots of Cub fans!) :redneck

SOXPHILE
01-13-2006, 05:28 PM
I do remember a sign a fan in San Fransisco was holding up during game 5 of the 1989 NL playoffs: Hey Cub fans, how do you spell tradition ? L-O-S-E.

SouthSide_HitMen
01-13-2006, 06:29 PM
The secret password is Go Cubs!

RadioheadRocks
01-13-2006, 07:34 PM
There are some good ones at this site: http://www.cubssuckclub.com/

SOXSINCE'70
01-13-2006, 09:24 PM
Thank you one and all!! I really needed these after
a hard week at work.:D: :D: :D:

Realist
01-13-2006, 10:36 PM
A man walks into Jimbo's wearing a Sox jersey. He has an alligator under his arm. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "Do you guys serve Cubs fans in here?" "Yes we do", responds the bartender. "Great. Give me a Jameson on the rocks with a splash of soda and give my alligator a Cubs fan", says the man.

Don't know if I missed this one earlier or not but here goes:

Q: What do the World Series and a bear with a condom have in common?

I trust you guys to figure out the answer yourselves [if the joke isn't earlier in the tread].

Jacob Nelson Fox
01-14-2006, 07:07 PM
This one was told to me by my 89 year old father:

The world's biggest Cubs fan dies and goes to Heaven. He immediately looks up God because he's got a question:

Cubs fan: " God, I was loyal Cubs fan for 80 years and never got to see them in the World Series, when are they going to make it to the Series?"

God: "Not in my lifetime"

DoItForDanPasqua
01-14-2006, 07:57 PM
What did Jesus say to the Cubs?

Don't do anything until I get back.

He gone
01-16-2006, 11:51 AM
Those are great...........

How many gay men does it take to tip-over a Volkswagon?


We won't know until the Cubs win a World Series.

Ol' No. 2
01-16-2006, 12:15 PM
Those are great...........

How many gay men does it take to tip-over a Volkswagon?


We won't know until the Cubs win a World Series.**sigh**

Whatever makes you think this is an appropriate remark?

Dan Mega
01-16-2006, 12:35 PM
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That's wonderful!" says Einstein. "We can talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have so much to discuss!!"
Next, Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the woman answers, "144." "That's great!" responds Einstein. "We can discuss politics and current affairs." Finally, Einstein goes to yet another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Einstein immediately responds. "How about those Cubbies?"

spiffie
01-16-2006, 12:43 PM
**sigh**

Whatever makes you think this is an appropriate remark?
Because nothing says funny like gay jokes. :?:

forrestg
01-16-2006, 01:51 PM
this was from a dear abby: Dear Abby, I met this woman and want to get married. She was a prostitute before getting married. After she was married she had two beautiful children who she killed and served time and will be released soon. My problem is I have to tell my family that her brother plays for the Chicago CUBS. signed lost in Wrigleyville

He gone
01-16-2006, 02:51 PM
Whatever makes you think this is an appropriate remark?

I heard that joke yesterday at work and I was debating if I should post it or not. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

miker
01-16-2006, 02:59 PM
I heard that joke yesterday at work and I was debating if I should post it or not. I didn't mean to offend anyone.
I heard it at a Buffalo Wild Wing's and the teller didn't use the polite term of "gay men"...

The_Floridian
01-16-2006, 04:55 PM
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Ah, they'll do it next year.

What do Cub fans use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Cubs fan.
Cubs fan wh--
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (screamed while raising a beer with one hand and signaling number one with the other and looking as drunk as humanly posssible)

Wsoxmike59
01-16-2006, 11:13 PM
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road, and a dead cub fan lying in the road??

A: Skid marks in front of the dog!

thomas35forever
01-16-2006, 11:47 PM
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

One changes it, and the rest of them don't watch and get drunk.

Ron Karkovice
01-17-2006, 03:08 PM
I heard that joke yesterday at work and I was debating if I should post it or not. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I have a couple of cubs jokes along those lines that are way worse.:dtroll:

tstrike2000
01-17-2006, 03:11 PM
Did you know the Cubs don't have a home page?They can't put three 'w's together.

maurice
01-17-2006, 04:39 PM
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. The Cub fan holds the light bulb and the world revolves around them.

miker
01-18-2006, 08:06 PM
Come to think of it, all of the Cub jokes I know are inappropriate....:(:

soxinem1
01-19-2006, 07:29 PM
http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/media/photo/2005-07/18564163.jpg


Here's a joke!! 'Chicago' was so embarrased it tried to remove itself from the sign!

When did they flash this, on April 1?

Cubsuck_a_lot
01-20-2006, 04:50 PM
Those are great...........

How many gay men does it take to tip-over a Volkswagon?


We won't know until the Cubs win a World Series.

BOOOO! you're like school in the summertime...no class

ChiSoxLifer
01-20-2006, 05:03 PM
Those are great...........

How many gay men does it take to tip-over a Volkswagon?


We won't know until the Cubs win a World Series.

Uhm, 3? Maybe change it to "metro-sexual"? Or manly women?

jamokes
01-20-2006, 05:10 PM
Then there the one about the little boy from the north side who asks the judge if he could get into a foster home or something......why asks the judge and the boy says because his parents hit him all the time. All he wants is to be in a happy home. So the judge places the little boy with his aunt and uncle.....two weeks later the little boy is back in court, same judge. The boys is crying because the aunt and uncle are also whacking him around.....in an unprecedented move the judge placed the boy in the custody of the cubs "because they can't beat anyone"!!!

Railsplitter
01-21-2006, 11:39 AM
Anyone remember that old joke about the announcement being made over the Wrigley P.A. system during a game:

"Will the lady who left her 9 children behind the 3rd base dugout please come to the lost and found and pick them up ? They're beating the Cubs 10-1. Thank you."
The version I heard has the score 10-0.

Railsplitter
01-21-2006, 11:51 AM
What does Cubs stand for?

Completely
Uselss
By
September

I can't believe this thred had 70+ hits before I posted it! :D:

StillMissOzzie
01-21-2006, 01:00 PM
How many Cub fans does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they never noticed that the light has been out. For many years now.

SMO
:D:

chisoxfanatic
01-21-2006, 08:13 PM
What does Cubs stand for?

Completely
Uselss
By
September

I can't believe this thred had 70+ hits before I posted it! :D:

That one's over-used. I use the great

Chicago's
Underdeveloped
Baseball
Squad

instead! :cool: