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Iwritecode
11-02-2005, 05:21 PM
Wood hosts charity event at bowling alley. (http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20051031&content_id=1262913&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb)

It's great that they are doing something for charity but what's up with this?

A silent auction will be conducted during the bowling tournament featuring items such as Bat Boy for a Day with the Chicago Cubs, a first pitch at Wrigley Field and a clubhouse toilet seat signed by past and present players.

:puking:

itsnotrequired
11-02-2005, 05:28 PM
Wood hosts charity event at bowling alley. (http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20051031&content_id=1262913&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb)

It's great that they are doing something for charity but what's up with this?



:puking:

What, no autographed trough?:rolleyes:

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 05:30 PM
Wood hosts charity event at bowling alley. (http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20051031&content_id=1262913&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb)

It's great that they are doing something for charity but what's up with this?

A silent auction will be conducted during the bowling tournament featuring items such as Bat Boy for a Day with the Chicago Cubs, a first pitch at Wrigley Field and a clubhouse toilet seat signed by past and present players.


That's nice. But is Wood actually going to bowl or will it just be a simulated bowling game?

JoeyCora28
11-02-2005, 05:30 PM
A silent auction will be conducted during the bowling tournament featuring items such as Bat Boy for a Day with the Chicago Cubs, a first pitch at Wrigley Field and a clubhouse toilet seat signed by past and present players.



They should just say:

"Cubs fans, do you want to bring that urine smell home with you? Well now's your chance!!"

Knoxville Sox
11-02-2005, 05:33 PM
I'm waiting for them to sell the petrified feces from the home locker room toilets:

"And we will be placing up for auction this piece of Cub human waste that stopped up the toilets in the clubhouse back in 1978. We think it came from Herman Franks. Perfect for mounting or use as a paper weight to capture for that fortunate fan all that it means to be a Cub!"

Iwritecode
11-02-2005, 05:34 PM
I guess it's possible that the seat has never been touched.

I mean after all, most of the fans use the sink and neighbor's yards instead of an actual toliet...

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 05:35 PM
Man, this is just too easy! Anyone else think their marketing department could use some new blood?

JoeyCora28
11-02-2005, 05:36 PM
I guess it's possible that the seat has never been touched.

I mean after all, most of the fans use the sink and neighbor's yards instead of an actual toliet...

We know Moises Alou never touched it...:D:

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 05:38 PM
We know Moises Alou never touched it...:D:

Omigod, I almost fell off my chair!!

:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

SOXPHILE
11-02-2005, 05:55 PM
Well, it actually makes perfect sense. What symbolizes Cub baseball, Cub fans, and Cub-Dumb in general, better than a toilet seat, or any part of a toilet, if not the whole toilet itself ?

Hitmen77
11-02-2005, 06:02 PM
Ahhhh, I can see the local news blurb now....

"Brandon and Amy Whitecollar of Schaumburg were lucky winners of a Wrigley Field clubhouse toilet seat yesterday. The Whitecollars, parents of 4-year old twins, Clark and Addison, are die-hard Cub fans and were just elated to win this piece of the baseball shrine. 'This is going up above our fireplace next to our signed Sosa jersey' beamed Brandon. 'Everything about the Cubs is just baseball at its best. We were so excited this year when the Cubbies won another attendance championship. Chicago deserves a team like the Cubbies," said Amy adding - 'We just hope that the Cubs can finally bring the World Series back to Chicago next year after a 60 year absence.'"

DumpJerry
11-02-2005, 06:08 PM
Ahhhh, I can see the local news blurb now....

"Brandon and Amy Whitecollar of Schaumburg were lucky winners of a Wrigley Field clubhouse toilet seat yesterday. The Whitecollars, parents of 4-year old twins, Clark and Addison, are die-hard Cub fans and were just elated to win this piece of the baseball shrine. 'This is going up above our fireplace next to our signed Sosa jersey' beamed Brandon. 'Everything about the Cubs is just baseball at its best. We were so excited this year when the Cubbies won another attendance championship. Chicago deserves a team like the Cubbies," said Amy adding - 'We just hope that the Cubs can finally bring the World Series back to Chicago next year after a 60 year absence.'"
Very creative. Only problem is that he will be too drunk on Bud Lite to complete his sentences.

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 06:11 PM
Maybe next year's Cub slogan should be "Don't Stop Relieving."

MUsoxfan
11-02-2005, 06:19 PM
I'm betting that Kerry Wood will actually be bowling in a simulated tournament later on:tongue:

DumpJerry
11-02-2005, 06:22 PM
Maybe next year's Cub slogan should be "Don't Stop Relieving."
That will confuse Rusty Dusty. After all, he has yet to learn what a bullpen is used for....

DaleJRFan
11-02-2005, 06:22 PM
bah... I had all sorts of funny lines to use here, but since this is for a children's cancer charity, I'd have a hard time actually posting it. Glad to see that their "charity" isn't Andy McFail's vacation fund...

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 06:40 PM
bah... I had all sorts of funny lines to use here, but since this is for a children's cancer charity, I'd have a hard time actually posting it. Glad to see that their "charity" isn't Andy McFail's vacation fund...

Dale, I think we can all agree that curing cancer in children is a laudable cause. In fact, the original poster said as much. But just because something is done in furtherance of a good cause, that doesn't make it a good idea.

It seems obvious to me that what we are making fun of here is an amazingly inept marketing strategy, not the underlying motive. But that doesn't mean your opinion isn't laudable as well. Because it obviously is.

DaleJRFan
11-02-2005, 06:43 PM
Dale, I think we can all agree that curing cancer in children is a laudable cause. In fact, the original poster said as much. But just because something is done in furtherance of a good cause, that doesn't make it a good idea.

It seems obvious to me that what we are making fun of here is an amazingly inept marketing strategy, not the underlying motive. But that doesn't mean your opinion isn't laudable as well. Because it obviously is.

I wasn't trying to crucify anyone for making jokes about Kerry Wood's charity. I was just holding myself back before posting something stupid about Kerry Wood. There's just too much fun to be had with the Balsa Wood jokes. :redneck

doublem23
11-02-2005, 06:44 PM
It's just a metaphor for how the team has played the last 2 years.

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 06:51 PM
I wasn't trying to crucify anyone for making jokes about Kerry Wood's charity. I was just holding myself back before posting something stupid about Kerry Wood. There's just too much fun to be had with the Balsa Wood jokes. :redneck

I realize that. PM me when you do post the Balsa Wood jokes, okay? I love a good laugh. Meanwhile, if you have any good Cubs toilet jokes.... :D:

woodenleg
11-02-2005, 07:34 PM
Man, this is just too easy! Anyone else think their marketing department could use some new blood?

Maybe it's supposed to be?

It's funny as hell!!!

DumpJerry
11-02-2005, 07:36 PM
Maybe it's supposed to be?

It's funny as hell!!!
This has the makings of a classic thread...........:smile:

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 07:37 PM
Maybe it's supposed to be?

It's funny as hell!!!

Agreed! It's like shooting fish in a---wait for it!---trough.

TheDarkGundam
11-02-2005, 07:55 PM
Agreed! It's like shooting fish in a---wait for it!---trough.

Nice! :D:

The_Floridian
11-02-2005, 08:07 PM
Agreed! It's like shooting fish in a---wait for it!---trough.

AH CHA CHA CHA!!!

Are we all in agreement that the opening of this thread is arguably the greatest straight line in Chicago baseball history?

We gotta take this thread to the Catskills. Cub toilet seat jokes kill up there.

MarySwiss
11-02-2005, 08:29 PM
AH CHA CHA CHA!!!

Are we all in agreement that the opening of this thread is arguably the greatest straight line in Chicago baseball history?

We gotta take this thread to the Catskills. Cub toilet seat jokes kill up there.

ABSOLUTELY! This may not be Abbott-and-Costello, "Who's on First" material, but I think we have to run with it.

So, let me be the first:

Q: How many Cubs does it take to sign a toilet seat?
A: A phew.

The_Floridian
11-02-2005, 08:40 PM
ABSOLUTELY! This may not be Abbott-and-Costello, "Who's on First" material, but I think we have to run with it.

So, let me be the first:

Q: How many Cubs does it take to sign a toilet seat?
A: A phew.

Abbott and Costello, maybe.

OR--how about Martin and ALou-is. (go with me on this...)

Martin: "Moises! What are you doing? That's what the toilet's for!"
ALou-is: "HIH-FLANG-BOOOING-FLAM-NICE LAAADYYY!"

slavko
11-02-2005, 08:48 PM
I can't believe this thread! You guys and guyettes are a riot.:D: :D:

TomBradley72
11-02-2005, 08:50 PM
When I first scanned this thread....I thought it was an event with Wilbur Wood.

What a relief....

TomBradley72
11-02-2005, 08:51 PM
What a relief....

So to speak. :cool:

The_Floridian
11-02-2005, 08:57 PM
What a relief....

BA DAM BUMP!

That's TomBradley72 ladies and gentlemen! He'll be here all week! And remember, Mai Tai's are two for one tonight and don't forget to tip your waitress!

Hitmen77
11-02-2005, 10:04 PM
:kneeslap: :kneeslap: :kneeslap:

Iwritecode
11-03-2005, 11:31 AM
Wasn't it Wood that was arrested outside of Wrigley field for public urination?

voodoochile
11-03-2005, 11:38 AM
(insert picture of thumbs-up, grining, mirror-shaded flubbie fan here)
"Oh man, I just scored huge at the auction. I landed the toilet seat. Can you imagine? I mean ShamME* may have sat on this seat and taken a big old smelly dump. Moises probably peed on his hands right over the toilet while sprinkling all over the place. Mark Prior probably came to **** but only farted. (starts to hyperventilate). Kerry Wood may have... gasp... actually lifted this very lid...(big gulp of air)... Move over Teddie Bear, I've got a new bedtime security blanket... Oh what am I thinking. This bad boy has pillow written all over it. (inhales deeply) You can almost smell the history..."

TomBradley72
11-03-2005, 12:05 PM
(inhales deeply) You can almost smell the history..."

:kneeslap: :kneeslap: :kneeslap:

Brewski
11-03-2005, 04:49 PM
Lucky winner of toilet seat decides to use it just once before hanging it in the basement shrine. But one of the signers used the wrong kind of ink and it transfers to the person's behind. Next day she's being examined by her doctor and the doc says, "pardon me Mrs. Yupiscum, why did you have ONYR tattoed on your butt?"

hsnterprize
11-03-2005, 08:15 PM
Lucky winner of toilet seat decides to use it just once before hanging it in the basement shrine. But one of the signers used the wrong kind of ink and it transfers to the person's behind. Next day she's being examined by her doctor and the doc says, "pardon me Mrs. Yupiscum, why did you have ONYR tattoed on your butt?"Or if worse comes to worse, whoever gets that seat could donate it to Harry Caray's, where they'll hook it up to some moonshine making like machine, boil the "essence" out of that seat, and add it to a spaghetti sauce. I know it's gross, but if it works for a baseball...?

hsnterprize
11-03-2005, 08:18 PM
I can see the new Wrigley Field marquee now...
...and a clubhouse toilet seat signed by past and present players.

"Welcome to Wrigley Field...Where the **** Really Hits The Fan"

RallyBowl
11-03-2005, 08:20 PM
That will confuse Rusty Dusty. After all, he has yet to learn what a bullpen is used for....

:rolling:


Looks like they're putting the team ON the crapper before it goes INTO it.

MarySwiss
11-03-2005, 08:43 PM
Holy Crap! And I mean that!

TomBradley72
11-04-2005, 12:26 AM
This former Cub catcher's autograph HAS to be included...for obvious reasons:

http://www.historicbaseball.com/players/c/chiti_harry.html

MarySwiss
11-04-2005, 04:05 PM
This former Cub catcher's autograph HAS to be included...for obvious reasons:

http://www.historicbaseball.com/players/c/chiti_harry.html

:rolling:

Mendoza Line
11-04-2005, 04:21 PM
I've seen the billboard for that thing driving on the tri-state. It's called "Kerry Wood's Strike Zone." My dad immediately cracked me up by saying "It must be a big place!":D:

antitwins13
11-04-2005, 07:05 PM
What, no autographed trough?:rolleyes:


LOL Made my day!

Coolpapa
11-05-2005, 03:32 AM
A toilet seat for childrens cancer. Truly classy. What's next, Santo's toe nails for autism, a sleepover at the ex Mrs Ryno's for pediatric A.I.D.S., Fergie Jenkins' bong for asthma.................

CubsfansareDRUNK
11-05-2005, 11:18 AM
:threadrules::bandance::bandance:!

ajtokarz
11-06-2005, 10:08 AM
A toilet seat for childrens cancer. Truly classy. What's next, Santo's toe nails for autism, a sleepover at the ex Mrs Ryno's for pediatric A.I.D.S., Fergie Jenkins' bong for asthma.................

How much you think Palmiero is gonna drop on that one????