Yesterday's Tribune headlines

[TommyJohn]

In keeping with the spirit of the "Predict the Tribune headline" I got to thinking
of some of the headlines from the past. What would history look like to us if the
Tribune had bought the Cubs back in 1901? History might have been written
differently, literally. Here's a sample of how some headlines may have looked.


1901:
Chicago A.L. Nine Debut today
White Stockings rip off old Cub name
Have outfielder nicknamed "Dummy"
Team starts off on wrong foot with insensitivity to deaf and mute

1915:
Lusitania Sinks! Torpedoed by U-Boat!
"Ach, du lieber! I pretend ship vas first base coach!" said
south sider, White Sox fan and U-Boat Commander Wilhelm Ligue, who ordered torpedo fired

1917:
White Sox win World Series
Gift boneheaded play by Zim hands fluke championship to Sox; repeat unlikely


Chaos in Russia!
Russian Sox fans celebrate title by rioting, overthrowing government
Czar and family executed by overzealous fans
"Long live Bolshevism and the White Sox!" is the cry of the reds

1929:
Massacre!
Seven found machine-gunned to death in North Clark Street garage
South sider, White Sox fan and Capone rival Gugliemo Liguini believed to be hit mastermind


1939:
NAZI JUGGERNAUT SMASHES INTO POLAND
Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini take a break from war at White Sox game
"we're big fans!" say Axis leaders
Roosevelt, Churchill to meet at Wrigley Field today



1959:
Somber Pennant
Sox beat Tribe 4-2, take A.L. pennant
Air Raid Sirens scare Chicago to death
Khrushchev upset that Sox had everyone thinking he'd started World War III
"we will bury you again!" vows Soviet Premier; Ike to call emergency Cabinet meeting
Series starts here next week, barring Russian nuclear response



1963:
President Kennedy Assassinated!!
35th President is sniper victim in downtown Dallas; suspect, 24, in custody







The next day:

Tribune Exclusive!
Lee Harvey Oswald a White Sox fan?

http://www.whitesoxinteractive.com/vbulletin/attachment.php?attachmentid=4004&d=1140285760

The Chicago Tribune has unearthed this rare photgraph, which has
been identified as being one of Lee Harvey Oswald, accused assassin
of President Kennedy, taken at Comiskey Park in the summer of
1963. As you can see, Oswald was wearing a White Sox hat and
jersey, proclaiming his allegiance to his favorite team. The Tribune
has also obtained an exclusive interview with John D. Lusional, an
employee at Cook County Psychiatric Ward (or an inmate, we never
verified which) who was at the game and clearly remembers
seeing Oswald.

"He talked about how his two favorite Cubans were Fidel Castro
and Minnie Minoso." says Lusional.

Page 2: Was Oswald at Game 1 of 1959 World Series? Two blurry
photographs prove conclusively that he was

The next day:

Tribune Correction dept.

Yesterday the Tribune ran a picture, allegedly of Lee Harvey Oswald at a White Sox game
wearing a White Sox hat and jersey. It has been confirmed that the man in the picture is
actually Ray Herbert, a White Sox pitcher who looked like Oswald. The Tribune regrets the
error. (not really.)


So there you are. There are many more, of course, I just parsed it down to
a few. The possibilities are endless.

[SoxSpeed22]

This thread might be as popular as writing the Cubune headline. :roflmao::rolling::roflmao:
:threadrules:

[FielderJones]

Where's the 1906 headline? :tongue:

[SoxFan76]

Where's the 1906 headline? :tongue:

What happened in 1906? There was no World Series that year!

[SoxSpeed22]

1906- Upton Sinclair publishes his expose of South Side Park in "The Jungle". Because he was so describing of the unsanitary conditions and disease that Sox baseball spread, he accidently aimed at the public's heart and hit it's stomach. After reading this expose, President Roosevelt created a committee to inspect and regulate White Sox baseball. Later that year, congress passed an act which required the Cubs to have the most fans and media coverage. It also enforced limitations in Sox coverage.

[SouthSide_HitMen]

Truth 985,283,752

Tribune 1

Tribune finally wins one.

http://www.chicagoreader.com/hottype/index.html

You Can Fool All of the People Some of the Time
In the history of hoaxes, the Kodee Kennings story is a doozy.

"Even the losers get lucky sometimes" - Tom Petty recalling 1907 & 1908 Cubs World Series.

[SOXSINCE'70]

1939:
NAZI JUGGERNAUT SMASHES INTO POLAND
Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini take a break from war at White Sox game

I never knew they were Sox fans.:o: :D:

[buehrle4cy05]

1960s:
Report: Sox storing nukes in Cuba

[PaleHoseGeorge]

Where's the 1906 headline? :tongue:

Quake! Frisco Rocked!
Classless Sox celebrate Championship!
Shameful Displays of Joy while others Suffer!

Quiet Dignity of Cubs in Defeat
"No time to celebrate" says Tinker

[The Racehorse]

1901:
Chicago A.L. Nine Debut today
White Stockings rip off old Cub name
Have outfielder nicknamed "Dummy"
Team starts off on wrong foot with insensitivity to deaf and mute

1915:
Lusitania Sinks! Torpedoed by U-Boat!
"Ach, du lieber! I pretend ship vas first base coach!" said
south sider, White Sox fan and U-Boat Commander Wilhelm Ligue, who ordered torpedo fired

1917:
White Sox win World Series
Gift boneheaded play by Zim hands fluke championship to Sox; repeat unlikely


Chaos in Russia!
Russian Sox fans celebrate title by rioting, overthrowing government
Czar and family executed by overzealous fans
"Long live Bolshevism and the White Sox!" is the cry of the reds

1929:
Massacre!
Seven found tommy-gunned in Clark Street garage
South sider, White Sox fan and Capone rival Gugliemo Liguini believed to be hit mastermind


1939:
NAZI JUGGERNAUT SMASHES INTO POLAND
Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini take a break from war at White Sox game
"we're big fans!" say Axis leaders
Roosevelt, Churchill to meet at Wrigley Field today



1959:
Somber Pennant
Sox beat Tribe 4-2, take A.L. pennant
Air Raid Sirens scare Chicago to death
Khrushchev upset that Sox had everyone thinking he'd started World War III
"we will bury you again!" vows Soviet Premier; Ike to call emergency Cabinet meeting
Series starts here next week, barring Russian nuclear response


LOL... that's some good stuff. :)

[Hitmen77]

In keeping with the spirit of the "Predict the Tribune headline" I got to thinking
of some of the headlines from the past. What would history look like to us if the
Tribune had bought the Cubs back in 1901? History might have been written
differently, literally. Here's a sample of how some headlines may have looked....

Pretty funny. Sort of reminds me of the Onion's Our Dumb Century "flashback" of their headlines going back to 1900.

[TommyJohn]

Quake! Frisco Rocked!
Classless Sox celebrate Championship!
Shameful Displays of Joy while others Suffer!

Quiet Dignity of Cubs in Defeat
"No time to celebrate" says Tinker


Damn! I tried to think of something for the 1906 series but couldn't. Wish I'd
thought of those.

[Hitmen77]

1950: Luke Appling Plays Last Game for Sox.
- Howard Sullivan*: A look back at Appling's WORST moments with the Sox.


* Paul Sullivan's grandfather

[Hitmen77]

July 1, 1910: New White Sox Park Opens.
- Sterile, modern ballfield turns off fans
- Many seats obstructed, far from action
- Crime around new park on the rise
- Chicago rejects modern monstrosity for cozier Cubs ballpark.


1916: Fans Cheer as Cubs Move to New Utopian Home.
- 2 yr old ballpark of defunct Federal League team is already a classic.
- It's unanimous: Cubs Park is warm, cozy and will be dubbed Friendly Confines. Puts ugly, dangerous Sox Park to shame.
- Modern Conveniences: Cubs home includes urinal troughs. These miracles of modern plumbling should address Cub fans needs through the year 1950.

[TommyJohn]

July 1, 1910: New White Sox Park Opens.
- Sterile, modern ballfield turns off fans
- Many seats obstructed, far from action
- Crime around new park on the rise
- Chicago rejects modern monstrosity for cozier Cubs ballpark.


1916: Fans Cheer as Cubs Move to New Utopian Home.
- 2 yr old ballpark of defunct Federal League team is already a classic.
- It's unanimous: Cubs Park is warm, cozy and will be dubbed Friendly Confines. Puts ugly, dangerous Sox Park to shame.
- Modern Conveniences: Cubs home includes urinal troughs. These miracles of modern plumbling should address Cub fans needs through the year 1950.

Good stuff.

[Wsoxmike59]

Merkle Boner Excites Cub Fans!!!
He'll Never Get to 2B On Us Says Hurt Giant Fans.
Sept. 23, 1908


http://www.baseball-almanac.com/dugout0d.shtml

[TommyJohn]

1950: Luke Appling Plays Last Game for Sox.
- Howard Sullivan*: A look back at Appling's WORST moments with the Sox.


* Paul Sullivan's grandfather

Good one. You could also do:

A look back at the career of chronic complainer Luke Appling
Sox SS earned nickname "Old Aches and Pains"

[Frater Perdurabo]

Nov. 22, 1963:

JFK SHOT, KILLED
NOTORIOUS COMMUNIST SYMPATHIZER, WHITE SOX FAN TO BE CHARGED


Dec. 7, 1941:
WAR!
"DASTARDLY" JAP SOX FANS BOMB PEARL HARBOR
Hirohito Iguchi, grandfather of future Sox 2B, masterminded attack


Sept. 11, 2001:
TWIN TOWERS FALL!
SOX MINORITY INVESTOR JUMPS FOR JOY, CLAIMS RESPONSIBILTY
TIES BETWEEN REINSDORF, BIN LADEN REACH BACK DECADES
Linguists, scholars agree "Al Qaeda" means "White Sox" in Farsi

[Mr. White Sox]

Greg Maddux hits Home Run!
Hurricane Katrina Strikes

[Optipessimism]

White Sox invade Poland!

[Chips]

What happened in 1906? There was no World Series that year!

CUBS LOSE WORLD SERIES

[GoSox2K3]

1977: Classless Act on South Side
Sox fans sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame with drunken announcer. Is there no dignity left in baseball?

In the Wake of the News: Cub fans find south side 7th inning ritual laughable, an embarassment to baseball.

[TommyJohn]

1977: Classless Act on South Side
Sox fans sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame with drunken announcer. Is there no dignity left in baseball?

In the Wake of the News: Cub fans find south side 7th inning ritual laughable, an embarassment to baseball.

You know what? This could be an actual headline from 1977.

[A_ROW33]

1865
Lifelong fan of Cubs (the animals) President Abe Lincoln assassinated by South Sider (of the country) John Wilkes Ligue

[SOXPHILE]

September 2, 1945:

Japan Signs Surrender, Ceremony Was To Be Held At Beautiful Wrigley Field, Followed By Exciting Cubs Game, But communist Russian delegation and President Truman, probably all Sox fans, change venue to battleship Missouri.
Dewey will defeat him in 3 years anyway. You'll see.

[StillMissOzzie]

1960s:
Report: Sox storing nuclear arms in Cuba


The Contreras and Hernandez families announce the births of sons Jose, Orlando, respectively.

There, I fixed it for you.

SMO
:D:

[SoxFanSince67]

April 1971

Beatles Break Up

Fab Four Spokesman cites Yoko Ono love affair with White Sox baseball as the primary factor in the groups demise

[Hitmen77]

1955 (Under Birth Announcements): Future Sox Fan William Ligue Born in a trailer home. This little tyke will be the typical Sox fan of the 21 century.

1965: Little League Game Marred by Punk Sox Fan - 10 yr old Ligue rides dirt bike across field during game, picks fight with pitcher. Cub fans in attendance horrified as young Sox fan destroys sanctity of game.

1971: Wm. Ligue gets first speeding ticket. Was in hurry to get to Comiskey Park to catch Sox game.

[Baby Fisk]

1937:

WRIGLEY DEFACED!
ROGUE CUBS STAFFER BILL VEECK PLANTS IVY IN OUTFIELD
EDITORIAL: North Side "arboretum" a disgrace, needs to be demolished.
MEDICINE: Doctors dismiss Wrigley troughs as culprit behind shy bladder syndrome.
SPORTS: White Sox fans blame laughable "black sox curse" for their woes.

[Clarkdog]

1976:


In Memoriam:
Mayor Richard J. Daley
May 15, 1902 - December 20, 1976
- METRO: City Mourns Loss of Beloved Leader
- NATIONAL: Democratic Party Powerbase seeks Direction for it's Future
- SPORTS: Sox Trade of Bucky Dent for Oscar Gamble broke the Mayor's heart - literally.

[woodenleg]

What's scary is that - Tribune or no - this isn't as far from the truth as you might think....

[StillMissOzzie]

5/17/1937

HINDENBURG DISASTER YESTERDAY IN LAKEHURST, NJ


AUTHORITIES BLAME FALLOUT FROM NEW FANGLED "EXPLODING SCOREBOARD" PROPOSED BY WHITE SOX

[Hitmen77]

9/13/59:
-CUBS WIN! Beat Cards 8-0. Pennant within reach for Cubbies!
- Sox win at Boston, stumbling towards 1st place finish in A.L.

9/25/59:
- Cubs lose heartbreaker to NL Champ Dodgers. Good showing puts NL on notice that the Cubs will be the team to beat in '60.
- Loyal Cub Fans Pulling for Dodgers to Beat Hated Sox in Series.
- Sox lose to lowly Tigers. Look for Dodgers to sweep Sox 4-0 in Series.