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I want Mags back
02-27-2005, 03:27 PM
If any ones got any good Cubs Suck jokes, post em here.

CubsfansareDRUNK
02-27-2005, 09:57 PM
Just look here:
www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/ (www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/)
or try going here:
http://cubssuck.knup.net/ (www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/)

Realist
02-28-2005, 07:07 AM
Here's a variation on a joke I found on a really old thread here:

Mark Prior and Frank Thomas both die. God shows Mark Prior around heaven. They finally get to Mark Prior's new house. Its a smaller one bedroom with fadded cubs banners and a few hats. God looks at him and says, "Be happy, most people don't even get a house". Prior then looks over on a hill and sees a huge mansion with White Sox flags, banners, jerseys etc.... And Prior says "Why does Frank Thomas get such a nice house and mine is so bad!" God says, "That's not Frank Thomas's house. Its mine".

Whenever I see someone wearing a blue Cubs jersey I always say, "Hey nice shirt... Where's the matching red rubber ball nose and floppy shoes that go with it?"

A guy wearing a Sox hat and carrying an alligator under his arm walks into a restaurant on the south side, goes up to a waiter and says, "Hey, you don't serve Cubs fans here do you?" The waiter says, "As a matter of fact we do." The guy in the Sox hat says, "Great. I'll take a steak medium-rare and get my alligator a Cubs fan."

MarkZ35
02-28-2005, 09:47 PM
It's not really saying the Flubbs suck but it's close enough

Five Chicago sports fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different Chicago sports team and each proclaimed to be the most loyal to their team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued fighting until they reached the top. The Blackhawk’s fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "this is for the Hawks" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for the greatest team of the 90's" then the Bears fan jumped and said " this is for DA COACH" the two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute the Sox fan bellowed... "THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!" AND THEN HE PUSHED THE CUBS FAN OFF THE MOUNTAIN!!!!

VA_GoGoSox
03-01-2005, 03:35 AM
Sign that hung in my Dad's office for years:

WILL THE LADY WHO LEFT HER NINE KIDS AT WRIGLEY FIELD PLEASE PICK THEM UP?

THEY'RE BEATING THE CUBS 4-1 IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH.

BigEdWalsh
03-01-2005, 04:03 AM
Sign that hung in my Dad's office for years:

WILL THE LADY WHO LEFT HER NINE KIDS AT WRIGLEY FIELD PLEASE PICK THEM UP?

THEY'RE BEATING THE CUBS 4-1 IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH.

:kneeslap: I love it!

:supernana: :bandance: :supernana:

Cowhead418
03-01-2005, 09:58 PM
What do the World Series and a polar bear on birth control have in common?

THEY CAN'T HAVE CUBS!

SOXintheBURGH
03-01-2005, 10:37 PM
What do the World Series and a polar bear on birth control have in common?

THEY CAN'T HAVE CUBS!

I like that one.

Corlose 15
03-01-2005, 11:04 PM
I think I heard this one here at WSI

Q: Whats the difference between Wrigley Field and a cactus?

A: With a cactus all the pricks are on the outside.

misty60481
03-02-2005, 11:25 AM
Three guys are stranded way out in the middle of nowhere,,one is a Cardinal fan, another a Dodger fan, and last one a Cub fan,,they decide they have a long way to go before they can come upon any city so they are looking for a place to spend the night.. They come upon this old farmhouse and go up to door, they explain there problem and tell the farmer they need a good nights rest for a big day tomorrow, the farmer says he has two beds in the house they can use but one of them will have to go out to the hog sty and sleep, he says it is warm out there but the old hog is really rank.. The guys decide because of the hour they would take him up on it, the Dodger fan says I can take anything for one night and heads out to the sty, the other two climb in there beds and everybody goes to sleep.. In a short time there is a knock on the door, opening it there is the Dodger fan, I cant take it he says,, so the Cardinal fan says I will switch with you only rest of night I can take it.. So everyone goes back to sleep and Cardinal fan heads out to sty.. Short time later another knock on the door they open up there is Cardinal fan--no way he says I cant stand it.. The Cub fan says night is almost over I will go there so everyone goes back to sleep.. A little later there is a loud knock on the door they open it up and there is the pig----

Shorty1983
03-03-2005, 01:36 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/skalison/021_005.jpg

The most hideous tattoo, joke of the day.

SoxxoS
03-03-2005, 01:52 PM
Evolutionary theory really has to be questioned here...b/c you would think someone like the picture above would get weeded out before he can get such a heinous tattoo.

Iwritecode
03-03-2005, 02:10 PM
Q: What did Jesus say to the Cubs last time he was on Earth?
A: "Don't do anything til I get back."

"Noise pollution can't be that much of a problem. There's nothing to cheer about."--State rep. John F. Dunn, arguing for the installation of lights at Wrigley Field

"There's nothing wrong with this team that more pitching, more fielding and more hitting couldn't help."--Bill Buckner

"You get tired of looking at garbage in your own backyard."--Cubs manager Lee Elia in 1983 about why the Cubs got rid of so many players. Elia was fired later that same season.

"The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter."--Radio deejay

"The only bad thing about being released by the Cubs is that they made me keep my season tickets."--Ken Rietz, ex-Cub third baseman

"One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth."--Joe Garagiola

"The Chicago Cubs are like Rush Street--a lot of singles, but no action."--Garagiola again

Did you hear about the new Cubs soup?
Two sips and then you choke.--Old joke

"The latest diet is better than the Pritikin Diet. You eat only when the Cubs win."--pianist George Shearing

Jerome
03-03-2005, 05:55 PM
What was the headline the day the Cubs won the World Series?

"Austria-Hungary, under Franz Josef, loses war with France; German Chacellor pleased."

Stroker Ace
03-09-2005, 03:13 AM
Sign that hung in my Dad's office for years:

WILL THE LADY WHO LEFT HER NINE KIDS AT WRIGLEY FIELD PLEASE PICK THEM UP?

THEY'RE BEATING THE CUBS 4-1 IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH.

Classic

Stroker Ace
03-09-2005, 03:14 AM
What do gay bears and the World Series have in common?

No cubs!

Stroker Ace
03-09-2005, 03:15 AM
What do out of work doctors and the World Series have in common?

No sCrUBS!

CubsfansareDRUNK
03-09-2005, 08:40 AM
What do out of work doctors and the World Series have in common?

No sCrUBS!

Hahahaha LOL! Did you make that one up?

jordan23ventura
03-10-2005, 03:46 AM
I made these up quickly, so be warned because they're not that great:


1. What's the difference between Denny Neagle and a Cubs season ticket holder?

Both walk away drunk and in handcuffs, but at least Denny didn't overpay.


2. How do you tell the difference between a Mark Prior autograph signing and a politician running for office?

At least the politician will shake your hand before letting you down.


3. What's the difference between Pizza Hut and the Cubs bullpen?

Nobody's scared to call for a pizza.


4.What's the difference between Rosie O'Donnell and LaTroy Hawkins?

Rosie never did have trouble finding the plate.


5. How do you tell the difference between a naked Cubs fan and a naked Cards fan?

The Cubs fan is the one giggling.


6. How do you get a Cubs fan to retrieve your wallet that has mistakenly fallen into a portable toilet?

Tell him it's a cellphone.


7. How do you turn a Cubbie fan into a pancake?

Throw a can of Old Style in front of a bus.


8. How do you stop bricks from falling on people at Wrigley Field?

Put mortar between them.


9. It's 2:30pm on a Wednesday. What do Sox fans and the vendors at Wrigley have in common?

Jobs.

jordan23ventura
03-10-2005, 03:48 AM
It's not really saying the Flubbs suck but it's close enough

Five Chicago sports fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different Chicago sports team and each proclaimed to be the most loyal to their team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued fighting until they reached the top. The Blackhawk’s fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "this is for the Hawks" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for the greatest team of the 90's" then the Bears fan jumped and said " this is for DA COACH" the two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute the Sox fan bellowed... "THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!" AND THEN HE PUSHED THE CUBS FAN OFF THE MOUNTAIN!!!!

Nice!

Stroker Ace
03-11-2005, 01:21 PM
Hahahaha LOL! Did you make that one up?

Yep

Hokiesox
03-11-2005, 03:32 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/skalison/021_005.jpg

The most hideous tattoo, joke of the day.


Why does that look more like New York's skyline?

Stroker Ace
03-11-2005, 06:00 PM
Why does that look more like New York's skyline?

It's a sCrUBs fan, do you thing they passed geography?

I want Mags back
03-12-2005, 06:56 PM
What do gay bears and the World Series have in common?

No cubs!

I think the birth control was better

I want Mags back
03-12-2005, 06:58 PM
I made these up quickly, so be warned because they're not that great:


1. What's the difference between Denny Neagle and a Cubs season ticket holder?

Both walk away drunk and in handcuffs, but at least Denny didn't overpay.


2. How do you tell the difference between a Mark Prior autograph signing and a politician running for office?

At least the politician will shake your hand before letting you down.


3. What's the difference between Pizza Hut and the Cubs bullpen?

Nobody's scared to call for a pizza.


4.What's the difference between Rosie O'Donnell and LaTroy Hawkins?

Rosie never did have trouble finding the plate.


5. How do you tell the difference between a naked Cubs fan and a naked Cards fan?

The Cubs fan is the one giggling.


6. How do you get a Cubs fan to retrieve your wallet that has mistakenly fallen into a portable toilet?

Tell him it's a cellphone.


7. How do you turn a Cubbie fan into a pancake?

Throw a can of Old Style in front of a bus.


8. How do you stop bricks from falling on people at Wrigley Field?

Put mortar between them.


9. It's 2:30pm on a Wednesday. What do Sox fans and the vendors at Wrigley have in common?

Jobs.


those kicked ass

zach074
03-12-2005, 07:38 PM
I made these up quickly, so be warned because they're not that great:


1. What's the difference between Denny Neagle and a Cubs season ticket holder?

Both walk away drunk and in handcuffs, but at least Denny didn't overpay.


2. How do you tell the difference between a Mark Prior autograph signing and a politician running for office?

At least the politician will shake your hand before letting you down.


3. What's the difference between Pizza Hut and the Cubs bullpen?

Nobody's scared to call for a pizza.


4.What's the difference between Rosie O'Donnell and LaTroy Hawkins?

Rosie never did have trouble finding the plate.


5. How do you tell the difference between a naked Cubs fan and a naked Cards fan?

The Cubs fan is the one giggling.


6. How do you get a Cubs fan to retrieve your wallet that has mistakenly fallen into a portable toilet?

Tell him it's a cellphone.


7. How do you turn a Cubbie fan into a pancake?

Throw a can of Old Style in front of a bus.


8. How do you stop bricks from falling on people at Wrigley Field?

Put mortar between them.


9. It's 2:30pm on a Wednesday. What do Sox fans and the vendors at Wrigley have in common?

Jobs.


# 9 was my favorite and the sad thing is its not really even a joke its the truth.

JKryl
03-13-2005, 12:04 AM
I think I heard this one here at WSI

Q: Whats the difference between Wrigley Field and a cactus?

A: With a cactus all the pricks are on the outside.

I was leaning toward the Polar Bear joke until I saw this one. You can't beat reality.

jerry myers
03-13-2005, 01:16 PM
How many homosexuals does it take to overturn a car? I dont know but well find out if the cubs win the world series.

Stroker Ace
03-13-2005, 02:25 PM
Just look here:
www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/ (http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/)
or try going here:
http://cubssuck.knup.net/ (http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/)



That site's pretty funny

Stroker Ace
03-13-2005, 02:26 PM
How many homosexuals does it take to overturn a car? I dont know but well find out if the cubs win the world series.

FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!