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gosox41
10-05-2004, 01:29 PM
Poor Sammy. He needs our help to help him land a job at a place he'll be happy at.

I decided to put together a resume for him. Feel free to offer input.

Samuel Peralta Sosa


Objective:
To attain a right fielder's job on a team that will truly appreciate me and my unique ability to think solely of myself and my feelings. It is after all my world, my team, and my clubhouse. The team that wants me will be forced to pick up the second year of my contract and pay me almost $40 mill for 2 more years.

Career Highlights:

-2110 career strikeouts
-4 stragiht years of decreasing Batting Average, OBP, and Slg %
-Inability to play even average defense.
-All my throws are lollipopped into home plate, and usually go to the screen.
-Independent-See no need for cut off men or doing any other of the little things that help a team win.
-Fans across the country love and adore me, and it's all about me.

Previous Experience
1992-2004 Right Fielder-Chicago Cubs
-Hit many HR's, had many more K's
-Spent lots of time in last place, not my fault.
-Put on 45 pounds of muscle in a short period of time
-Caught cheating with cork in my bat-but it was an accident.
-Developed a strong love of loud salsa music.
-Very generous-like to leave upwards of $20K in cash in wrapped up in newspapers in hotels in the Dominican.
-Sammy Sosa Charitable Foundation-Provides help...to me. Great tax breaks for myself.
-Won a couple of HR hitting contests
-Fans around the world love me
-Cover less and less ground in OF, have shoulder pain and can't throw well.
-2004-hit .219 in night games, .224 with RISP, and .233 since the All Star break

1989-1991
Chicago White Sox
- Hit about .240, but not my fault, Hriniak hurt my feelings.
- Developed a love of rum and rum bottles, especially as weapons against women
- Struck out a lot and failed miserably even though I was a top prospect.

References:
Don Baylor
Mark Grace
Tom Treblehorn
Millions of fans around the world who adore me.
Andy McPhail
Jim Riggleman

Please don't contact my most recent boss, Dusty Baker. He blames everything on me.



Bob

samram
10-05-2004, 01:48 PM
Don't forget that the charitable foundation helped his brother buy a house. Who's more in need of help in a country as poor as the Dominican Republic than the brother of a multimillionaire baseball player?

Kogs35
10-05-2004, 01:49 PM
Poor Sammy. He needs our help to help him land a job at a place he'll be happy at.

I decided to put together a resume for him. Feel free to offer input.

Samuel Peralta Sosa


Objective:
To attain a right fielder's job on a team that will truly appreciate me and my unique ability to think solely of myself and my feelings. It is after all my world, my team, and my clubhouse. The team that wants me will be forced to pick up the second year of my contract and pay me almost $40 mill for 2 more years.

Career Highlights:

-2110 career strikeouts
-4 stragiht years of decreasing Batting Average, OBP, and Slg %
-Inability to play even average defense.
-All my throws are lollipopped into home plate, and usually go to the screen.
-Independent-See no need for cut off men or doing any other of the little things that help a team win.
-Fans across the country love and adore me, and it's all about me.



Bob
cant forget to add wife beater

chuckn98229
10-05-2004, 02:02 PM
Don't forget that he single-handedly saved baseball

Clembasbal
10-05-2004, 03:15 PM
Don't forget about the wonderful time he spent with The Rangers.

That is good stuff, you should email this to sports writers.

C-Dawg
10-05-2004, 08:53 PM
Probably should mention he's a Gladiator, and its hard to stop him.

silhouette
10-06-2004, 03:43 PM
Poor Sammy. He needs our help to help him land a job at a place he'll be happy at.

I decided to put together a resume for him. Feel free to offer input.

Samuel Peralta Sosa


Objective:
To attain a right fielder's job on a team that will truly appreciate me and my unique ability to think solely of myself and my feelings. It is after all my world, my team, and my clubhouse. The team that wants me will be forced to pick up the second year of my contract and pay me almost $40 mill for 2 more years.

Career Highlights:

-2110 career strikeouts
-4 stragiht years of decreasing Batting Average, OBP, and Slg %
-Inability to play even average defense.
-All my throws are lollipopped into home plate, and usually go to the screen.
-Independent-See no need for cut off men or doing any other of the little things that help a team win.
-Fans across the country love and adore me, and it's all about me.

Previous Experience
1992-2004 Right Fielder-Chicago Cubs
-Hit many HR's, had many more K's
-Spent lots of time in last place, not my fault.
-Put on 45 pounds of muscle in a short period of time
-Caught cheating with cork in my bat-but it was an accident.
-Developed a strong love of loud salsa music.
-Very generous-like to leave upwards of $20K in cash in wrapped up in newspapers in hotels in the Dominican.
-Sammy Sosa Charitable Foundation-Provides help...to me. Great tax breaks for myself.
-Won a couple of HR hitting contests
-Fans around the world love me
-Cover less and less ground in OF, have shoulder pain and can't throw well.
-2004-hit .219 in night games, .224 with RISP, and .233 since the All Star break

Bob
Don't forget this part
- Say things to make the media happy, such as "being the first in line" for steriod test, even though I "politely" told a reporter that I don't need to take a steriods test.

Chrisaway
10-07-2004, 08:30 PM
Maybe he can start his own team. Montreal has a stadium open.



"EEESSS SO REEEEEEALLLLL"