View Full Version : My Ode to the 2004 Flubs

10-02-2004, 06:08 PM
Unloveable Losers Lament

By: C. Cassity

It started right after the last play was played

And a poor guy named Bartman was where blame was laid.

If only he hadn’t went after the ball

It would have been caught for an out, after all.

Instead Moises missed it and in quite a snit

He threw his glove down in a huge hissy fit.

The shortstop then bobbled a simple ground ball

And the floodgates were open and the fakers did fall.

Right then the din started and would never diminish

‘It wasn’t their fault that they just couldn’t finish’.

‘But wait ‘til next year and you folks will sure see’

‘They’ll win the world series as sure as can be’.

The media shills now inferred it was true

That Crusty and Corky and Carrie and crew

Should not have to play any game until autumn

‘There just is no need’ they implied in their columns.

But baseball said ‘NO’, the games must be played

And post-season contests will be earned not conveyed.

‘Then have it your way’, the morons would write

‘We’ll go all the way because it’s our right!’.

‘We own this whole town and the fans are so dense’

‘We can write what we want – without making sense’.

‘They’ll follow our lead and believe what we say’

‘We write mindless drivel – and for this we get pay!’.

The writers were sure not alone in this sham

The talking-head sportscasters supported the scam.

Day-in and day-out they would spew cubbie crap

And each flub fan loved being played for a sap.

‘The Urinal is oh such a great place to be’

‘We can cell phone our friends that we’re on the TV’.

‘And swill down the brew and start a few fights’

‘We’re just yuppie scum out enjoying the sites’.

This noise from the north was all that was heard

And no sportscaster dare utter a contrary word

All problems were either ignored or played down

This team, after all, would win baseball’s crown.

But the Cards were the ones that were playing good ball

And the morons would give them no credit at all.

And concerning the flubs they refused to disclose

That the emperor, indeed, was wearing no clothes.

By the month of July it began to be clear

That these flubs would assuredly not perservere.

As the concrete fell down from their urine-soaked shrine

And the redbirds continued to kick their behind

They lost their composure and began to melt down

Their on-field behaviour more like that of a clown.

Old Crusty refused to admonish his boys

Preferring instead to defend their dumb ploys.

By August the Cards had sewn-up the Division

So the moronic mantra now needed revision.

‘The Wild-Card is ours’ the idiots proclaimed

‘Because we deserve it’ their cry now became.

But the Giants and ‘Stros still had something to say

And as long as there was a game left to be played

They would ensure that the best team would win

And the losers go home as a bunch of has-beens

In September, without any cork - and no juice

The bunny-hop hot dog just couldn’t produce.

And the rest of the team really smelled-up the place

While the fans threw their garbage – oh, what a disgrace!

Cub-dumb kept flocking to see their team choke

Cause all season long they were just blowing smoke.

If it wasn’t so sad it would be quite amusing

To watch these poor jerks get a kick out of losing!

On October the second the verdict was rendered

The chokers and whiners would not be contenders.

Now who could they blame for the way that they played?

It couldn’t be their fault the grade was not made!

The umpires! The broadcasters! They were the reason!

Why this swell team didn’t quite make the post-season.

But if they would look in the mirror they’d see

The real reason why this just wasn’t to be.

So children remember that hype can’t win games

And cheaters and liars should not get acclaim.

That whiners will always find reasons to fail

And never look for the ways they can prevail.

That sportswriters often are idiots, too.

As well as the heads that you see on the tube.

So, don’t blindly follow the crowd to the shrine

You have better things you can do with your time.

10-02-2004, 06:15 PM

That might just be front-page material.

10-02-2004, 06:37 PM
~HOF material!!!!! Ernest Lawrence Thayer move over, there's a new "Casey at the Bat"!

10-02-2004, 07:18 PM

That was great. I loved it. I read it about 3 times :D: !!!

10-02-2004, 07:53 PM
That was beautiful, man. :whiner:


10-02-2004, 08:03 PM
I imagined myself reciting that poem in front of a piano. That's good poetry, man. Can you put that to a hip-hop beat for the Cubbie lovin' folks who are into such a rhythm?

10-02-2004, 08:19 PM
Im gonna copy and paste that into my fantasy football league, cuz that is just a great poem, and man i hate to take your work but i talk **** to the Cub fans in a unique way.

10-02-2004, 08:38 PM
brilliant, genious, oustanding........simply gold

Baby Fisk
10-02-2004, 08:41 PM
That is awesome. :nod:

10-02-2004, 09:06 PM
Thanks for the kudos. It has been a work in progress for quite a few months now. Had to finish it off this afternoon.

10-02-2004, 09:14 PM
chuckn98229, WOW!! Fantastic! Pure genius! This needs to get published. Please send it to the Cub-Times and the Cubune.

10-02-2004, 09:17 PM
Man that was great! I am gonna torture the C--- fans among my family and friends with it:bandance: . You got a unique talent.

10-02-2004, 10:09 PM
That poem was awesome ! Good, no...GREAT JOB ! It definalty should be published somewhere. My suggestion is to send it to John Kass at the Trubune. He's a big Sox fan, plus, it would be sure to be seen by many, many dopes in Cub Nation.

OEO Magglio
10-02-2004, 10:15 PM
That's awesome, man. :supernana:

10-02-2004, 11:19 PM
Best...poem...ever! :smile:

10-03-2004, 12:30 AM
That was a great poem, chuck! I'll second that motion to send copies to the Tribune (attn: John Kass) and the Sun-Times (attn: Richard Roeper), two staunch Sox supporters during what have been trying times.


10-03-2004, 01:07 AM
I sent it to John Kass at the cubune. Thanks a lot for your kind words. I am glad that you like it!

10-03-2004, 01:25 AM
Amazing...A God amongst men.

10-03-2004, 07:05 AM
beautiful work Chuck, pure beauty!

got to post that at work.

10-03-2004, 08:46 AM
That poem should be made the official "Pledge of Allegiance" at WSI. http://www.whitesoxinteractive.com/vbulletin/images/icons/icon1.gif

Great stuff Chuck, that was awesome. I'm going to send it to every cub fan I know.

10-03-2004, 10:13 AM
I printed this out and stuck it on my fridge.
Today is the baby shower for our newly adopted son here at our house, and last week I was getting worried that today's game would mean something to the scrubbies and I would have to hear crap from the cub fans amongst our family and friends. Now, thanks to the great choke and your wonderful poem, they can be reminded of their pain each time they go to my fridge to get something today. Great work Chuck.

10-03-2004, 10:43 AM
Excellent poem. Great stuff.

10-03-2004, 10:50 AM
Beautiful!!!:bandance: :rolleyes: :gulp: :cheers: :smokin: :bandance:

I'll be smiling even during the ass-kicking the Bears are going to get today!

10-03-2004, 10:56 AM
Brilliant.Just brilliant.:bandance: :bandance: :bandance: :bandance:

winning ugly 72
10-03-2004, 11:10 AM
great poem you nailed it right on the head, i agree you should send it to the papers.