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KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:03 PM
:farmer

"Well it's a little slow in the booth today, so I thought I'd take a liitle time - not actually "take" time because time is an abstract quantifiable only in its passing so I really can't "take" it because there's really nothing to take - kind of like taking a pitch - although even then you're not taking it in the sense that you now have possession of it, because it's the pitcher - not the kind you make Kool-Aid in - who has possession of all the pitches, unless he throws it, then the possession of it goes to the catcher, but the catcher doesn't possess the pitch, because it's been thrown and is now a matter of history. Rooney at what point does a pitch no longer become a pitch?"

"Well it really doesn't matter because I want to take some time to answer questions that you the fans may have, and let me be clear, you do own these questions - until you ask them - then they become part of the public domain. So ask your question in this thread, and for the next three hours - which neither you nor I own - I'll try to answer them, or get the guys who know the answers to answer them."

Mickster
08-23-2004, 02:04 PM
Question 1: Why don't you wear socks? :tongue:

SoxPAguy
08-23-2004, 02:05 PM
:farmer

"Well it's a little slow in the booth today, so I thought I'd take a liitle time - not actually "take" time because time is an abstract quantifiable only in its passing so I really can't "take" it because there's really nothing to take - kind of like taking a pitch - although even then you're not taking it in the sense that you now have possession of it, because it's the pitcher - not the kind you make Kool-Aid in - who has possession of all the pitches, unless he throws it, then the possession of it goes to the catcher, but the catcher doesn't possess the pitch, because it's been thrown and is now a matter of history. Rooney at what point does a pitch no longer become a pitch?"

"Well it really doesn't matter because I want to take some time to answer questions that you the fans may have, and let me be clear, you do own these questions - until you ask them - then they become part of the public domain. So ask your question in this thread, and for the next three hours - which neither you nor I own - I'll try to answer them, or get the guys who know the answers to answer them."
I think the first question should be are you really Mr. Farmer and how would we know??

Baby Fisk
08-23-2004, 02:09 PM
What are the Thirty-Nine Steps?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:09 PM
:farmer

It's not that I don't like socks - or Sox - white ones not the red ones, it's just that I've always found that my broadcast abilities were hampered by wearing socks - with a cks not an x. The reason for this goes back to my youth in Little League out in Evergreen Park, before I went on to not go to Notre Dame. My coach, Mr. Gordon, used to get aggravated at my constant yapping on the bench about things like Hawaiian Punch and Snaps and such that one day he told me to "put a sock in it". Well being a mere child at the time, I dutifully took off my socks and stuck them in the Hawaiian Punch juice box that I bought at the stand prior - not Mark Prior - but simply prior or before the game. I didn't end up playing in the game for some reason, but we did win, and it's been a superstition ever since.

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:12 PM
I think the first question should be are you really Mr. Farmer and how would we know??
Am I really Ed Farmer? That's a good question. Now in legal matters, one might say that if I'm not Ed Farmer then I could get into some trouble for impersonating Ed Farmer, but the Supreme Court ruled years ago that if the name is used in obvious parody - not parity as we've seen in the American League Central - but parody then I'm protected by the 1st Amendment, even if I'm not Ed Farmer so the real question must then be, how do we know anybody is actually Ed Farmer?

thecell
08-23-2004, 02:15 PM
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

ja1022
08-23-2004, 02:17 PM
Like you Mr. Farmer, I played golf at Ruffled Feathers in Lemont the other day. What gives? I saw no feathers, and nothing was ruffled.

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:17 PM
What are the Thirty-Nine Steps?
I'm glad you asked that question, because a lot of people have asked me that through the years, and now I finally have a chance to straighten the whole thing out. Here to help me with my answer is my friend Ken Harrelson.

:hawk

"Yessir............the thirty nine steps...........Mercy. Back in Old Griffith Stadium in Washington, the dugouts were so far from the pitchers mound that we started counting how many steps Camiilo Pascual used to take after ending his turn on the mound each inning. Now for those of you who remember Camillo Pascual - he had the tiniest feet I ever did see, and it used to take him 39 steps to get back to the dugout. We had Frank Howard walk it off between innings and he only took two steps - so from that day forward we used to call him "39 Steps" Pascual. Man you should have seen Ol' Eddie Brinkman riding him............Mercy."

:farmer

"Thank you Hawk."

WinningUgly!
08-23-2004, 02:19 PM
:threadrules:
.

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:21 PM
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
:farmer

"That's an interesting question, but it begs an even bigger question about wood, and the bats used in a major league game. I would think that it would - not wood as in the material, or even Kerry Wood - take a veritable army of woodchucks to make a bat big enough that would help Jose Valentin bunt a pitch..........maybe they could start with a big redwood out in California. I also think that Kerry Wood could chuck a woodchuck pretty far - and pretty fast - but I think that's getting off the point."

Rocky Soprano
08-23-2004, 02:21 PM
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

SAVVY18
08-23-2004, 02:22 PM
Farmio, what do you need in order to use any descriptions or accounts of the game tonite?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:24 PM
Like you Mr. Farmer, I played golf at Ruffled Feathers in Lemont the other day. What gives? I saw no feathers, and nothing was ruffled.
:hawk

"I''l take this one Ed. You see ja1022, when you've been around this game for as long as I have you'd know the origin of Ol' Ruffled Feathers. It started when I was playing quick round with Alex Johnson of the California Angels. Well it was the early 1970's and all, and I was wearing a big light green fedora with ostrich plumes in the brim. Well Ol' Alex hooked one so badly that the ball actually circled back and knocked by brand new hat off, breaking the feathers. Yessir.........the name just stuck."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:28 PM
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?:farmer

"Now that's a trick question because to get to the absolute center of a Tootsie Pop - not Dustin Hoffman's father in the movie Tootsie, but the candy treat made right here in Chicago, and for that we thank them - you would, not Wood or wood, have to get to the exact center of the little white paper stick, and those are made slightly off-center so as to keep this question from ever being answered."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:31 PM
Farmio, what do you need in order to use any descriptions or accounts of the game tonite?
:farmer

"I can't speak for everybody here, or even everybody in the booth, but Mr. Reinsdorf lets me used the accounts and descriptions of the game and he even lets me broadcast them, and all I have to give him is 2/3rds of my major league pension...........and let me tell you I'd be happy to pay even more than that."

SAVVY18
08-23-2004, 02:33 PM
"I can't speak for everybody here, or even everybody in the booth, but Mr. Reinsdorf lets me used the accounts and descriptions of the game and he even lets me broadcast them, and all I have to give him is 2/3rds of my major league pension...........and let me tell you I'd be happy to pay even more than that."
So then what's with that whole spiel about needing the expressed written consent of major league baseball that you always read?

Mickster
08-23-2004, 02:34 PM
BEST. THREAD. EVER. :D:

Paulwny
08-23-2004, 02:37 PM
Last year the det. tiger broadcast team mentioned that your broadcast booth looked like a NY Deli. Are you and Rooney eating all game or are you earning additional cash selling concessions?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:38 PM
So then what's with that whole spiel about needing the expressed written consent of major league baseball that you always read?
:farmer

"It's part of my deal with Mr. Reinsdorf. See when I first started, he would simply take most of my pension every month, and then let me broadcast with Rooney. But to show you how benevolent Mr. Reinsdorf is, about two years ago he asked me if I wanted to read this disclaimer as well as doing the actual broadcast. He said all I would have to do is wax his car once a month, and the disclaimer was mine.................who wouldn't?"

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:41 PM
Last year the det. tiger broadcast team mentioned that your broadcast booth looked like a NY Deli. Are you and Rooney eating all game or are you earning additional cash selling concessions?:farmer

"Actually I'm glad you asked that question. The reason they said the booth looked like a New York Deli was due to the fact that the Tigers organization sent up about six guys wearing white overall aprons to stand around and make wisecracks all game. I thought they were stealing signs, and I immediately reported it to Kenny Williams - who sent me out for a soda."

SAVVY18
08-23-2004, 02:42 PM
Sorry to be such a pain, but I have to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to ask you questions.

Why do you still wear baseball pants around the stadium, even though you are retired? Are you throwing BP or something?

HomeFish
08-23-2004, 02:44 PM
:farmer

"It's part of my deal with Mr. Reinsdorf. See when I first started, he would simply take most of my pension every month, and then let me broadcast with Rooney. But to show you how benevolent Mr. Reinsdorf is, about two years ago he asked me if I wanted to read this disclaimer as well as doing the actual broadcast. He said all I would have to do is wax his car once a month, and the disclaimer was mine.................who wouldn't?"

So I take it Philadelphia hasn't offered you more money?

whitesoxwilkes
08-23-2004, 02:45 PM
Ed, who let the dogs out, and as a follow up who put the bomp in the bomp she bomp she bomp?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:46 PM
Sorry to be such a pain, but I have to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to ask you questions.

Why do you still wear baseball pants around the stadium, even though you are retired? Are you throwing BP or something?:farmer

"SAVVY18 - I would never say that any fan is being a pain. You good folks are the reason I get to do these broadcasts and for that I thank you.........."

:hawk

"Let me interrupt here for a second to tell you why Ol' Ed still wears baseball pants around the stadium. It's because he once played this game, and like most of us old timers he still wants to keep a part of it with him where ever he goes. Ed wears his baseball pants, DJ still wears his jockstrap........I have a little wooden box that contains some of Eddie Watt's fingernail clippings.......yessir we all choose to remember the game that way."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:49 PM
So I take it Philadelphia hasn't offered you more money?
:farmer

"That's a good one HomeFish. Everybody knows that Philadelphia hasn't had a baseball team since Connie Mack died and Finley.....................What's that Rooney?.................In Philadelphia?..............................Since when?...............No I don't remember....................Really?............... In answer to your question HomeFish - uh no Philadelphia has not offered me anything."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 02:55 PM
Ed, who let the dogs out, and as a follow up who put the bomp in the bomp she bomp she bomp?
:farmer

"Who let the dogs out indeed! Back in my day, when the Seattle team was called the Pilots, and there was no team in Philadelphia, well the music played at baseball games was all organ music. Did I like it? Sure did. One time in St. Louis I was lulled to sleep in the bullpen by a particularly soothing version of Bottoms Up Let's Have a Ball."

quade36
08-23-2004, 02:57 PM
Two questions.

1st

Were your most enjoyable years as a player in a Sox uniform?

2nd

Where did the Sox marketing go wrong? It seems like they are in the right direction now, but how did it get to that point where the marketing lost so much focus on trying to show the fans a good time?

gosox41
08-23-2004, 03:02 PM
:farmer



Ed, do you have any more stories about you and your visits to Yankee Stadium? At least once a broadcast you seem to enlighten us with a quick story from there. Also, related to Yoda, are you? Or is it just being a product of Illinois school systems?



Bob

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:03 PM
Two questions.

1st

Were your most enjoyable years as a player in a Sox uniform?

2nd

Where did the Sox marketing go wrong? It seems like they are in the right direction now, but how did it get to that point where the marketing lost so much focus on trying to show the fans a good time?
:farmer

"My most enjoyable years as a player in a White Sox uniform was 1981. you see, there was quite a strike that year and we were able to play a split season which encompassed not one, not two, not three, but four pennant races - well not pennant races, but divisional races - none of which we really figured in, but the time off really allowed me to work on my game around the green. In answer to your second question, I really think the American League handicapped the White Sox in particular when it started suspending pitchers for headhunting. I was always an advocate of throwing at the opposition, and then running a tape loop of opposing batters getting nailed as a commercial with the song Iron Man playing in the background."

ja1022
08-23-2004, 03:06 PM
Mr Farmer, notwithstanding your .085 career batting average and 22 strike outs in 47 at bats, you had a self prescribed reputation for being a good hitting pitcher.....what advice would you give to the struggling Joes....Borchard and Crede?

eurotrash35
08-23-2004, 03:07 PM
Farmio,

Just wondering if you always have a confused look on your face during broadcasts or if you were just surprised to be up on the big screen this weekend after your big performance as the answer to "Who wore my number?"

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:11 PM
Ed, do you have any more stories about you and your visits to Yankee Stadium? At least once a broadcast you seem to enlighten us with a quick story from there. Also, related to Yoda, are you? Or is it just being a product of Illinois school systems?



Bob:farmer

"It's funny you mention Yankee Stadium and Yoda in the same sentence Bob, because one of my favorite Yankee Stadium stories involves taking the subway from the Intercontinental at 49th and Lexington and getting off at the Yankee Stadium stop. Well anyway, as I'm walking toward the visiting players entrance who's out there signing autographs? Yogi Berra that who. Well here I am face to face with Yogi Berra - who has no idea who I am - and I tell him that I'm pitching for Texas that day against his son Dale Berra. Well there must have been some mix-up because Yogi Berra called security, and they hustled me away, but after I straightened everything out here I am in the Rangers bullpen, warming up to start the 5th for Texas when a New York fan throws a 9 volt battery at me and smacks me right in the forehead. Well when I woke up in the hospital the doctor asked me if I remember anything and I tell him that I almost got an autograph from Yoda Berra. They gave me a shot to settle me down, and the next thing I know Al Cowens is pounding on me while I'm out on the mound at Comiskey Park. Strange trip it was."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:13 PM
Mr Farmer, notwithstanding your .085 career batting average and 22 strike outs in 47 at bats, you had a self prescribed reputation for being a good hitting pitcher.....what advice would you give to the struggling Joes....Borchard and Crede?
:farmer

"When people say I was a good hitting pitcher there ja1022, what they are in fact referring to is the fact that I hit a lot of people - some pitchers - but mostly positional players. As far as the struggling Joes go, my advice would be to use Jose Valentin's big redwood bunting bat, and see if they have any more luck than they're having now."

SAVVY18
08-23-2004, 03:14 PM
Farmio, Have you ever walked in on Nancy Faust when she was showing someone her organs?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:18 PM
Farmio,

Just wondering if you always have a confused look on your face during broadcasts or if you were just surprised to be up on the big screen this weekend after your big performance as the answer to "Who wore my number?"
:farmer

"Here I am sitting in the booth, when my picture comes up on the big screen in centerfield, and as I'm looking at that picture - out of the corner of my eye - I see myself looking at myself through the television monitor. You should have seen the look I had when I took the game tapes home - yes home - and saw myself looking at myself looking at myself while looking at myself."

Rocky Soprano
08-23-2004, 03:20 PM
Is the cup half full or half empty?

steff
08-23-2004, 03:20 PM
Farmio, Have you ever walked in on Nancy Faust when she was showing someone her organs?

ROTFLMAO!! To tears!!!

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:22 PM
Farmio, Have you ever walked in on Nancy Faust when she was showing someone her organs?
:farmer

"Pretty lady Nancy Faust, plays a mean organ, but I was never a Nancy Faust kind of guy. I guess it all started when she started playing the Theme from the Mickey Mouse Show during the 7th inning at the old place, and for some reason I thought she was making fun of me."

bluestar
08-23-2004, 03:22 PM
Farmio,

I've noticed you normally do the play-by-play during the middle innings of the games. I've also noticed that more often than not, the Sox seem to play some of their worst baseball during the innings where you are doing the play-by-play. Is this a coincidence, my imagination, or are you truly some kind of jinx?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:24 PM
Is the cup half full or half empty?
:farmer

"Well I guess that depends on......................."

:hawk

"Let me step in here again Ed and answer this question. Now when I played my cup was always full, not half full, but full full. Some of the smaller guys on the team.........."

:rooney

"Not that cup Harrelson you moron."

:hawk

"Oh."

Rocky Soprano
08-23-2004, 03:26 PM
Farmio,


Carl Everett would like to know if dinosaurs actually existed.

TornLabrum
08-23-2004, 03:29 PM
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Which leads to the inevitable question, Mr. Farmer: Who is Chuck?

ja1022
08-23-2004, 03:29 PM
Hello Mr. Rooney, it's nice of you to make an appearance. Does DJ have any thoughts to enlighten us all? For example, how do you really feel about the Hawk-aroo?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:32 PM
Farmio,

I've noticed you normally do the play-by-play during the middle innings of the games. I've also noticed that more often than not, the Sox seem to play some of their worst baseball during the innings where you are doing the play-by-play. Is this a coincidence, my imagination, or are you truly some kind of jinx?
:farmer

"Well here we go again, you sound like the guy standing in back of me when I was announcing the Hinderberg docking in New Jersey, or that clown who wouldn't shut up when I was doing the opening of the 1989 World Series in San Francisco, or even that jerk who wouldn't let me talk anymore at Bobby Kennedy's California press conference. In answer to your question - there is no such thing as a jinx."

illiniwhitesox
08-23-2004, 03:32 PM
Dear Ed,

Numerous ballplayers, upon crossing homeplate after hitting a round-tripper, stop and point at the sky with both index fingers and raised arms.

What gives? What's up there? Are they trying to get everyone to sing YMCA?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:34 PM
Farmio,


Carl Everett would like to know if dinosaurs actually existed.
:farmer

"Yes Carl there were dinosaurs. When I was a child I used to watch them on television, and there were these little people who used to always have to try and run away from them and hide. For some reason they only showed this on Saturday mornings, but I saw them nevertheless."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:38 PM
Which leads to the inevitable question, Mr. Farmer: Who is Chuck?
:farmer

"Chuck was a friend of mine growing up in Evergreen Park who became a pilot - not a Pilot from Seattle - but a pilot on an airline that we can't mention on the air here, but if I did you'd all get a certain United feeling. Well to make a long story short, Chuck took to the bottle as some of the best of us do, and the airline had to ground Chuck."

:rooney

"Was that a joke?"

:farmer

"No....................why?"

:rooney

"Ground chuck."

:farmer

"Hey that's a good one Rooney."

:rooney

"No it isn't Ed."

Rocky Soprano
08-23-2004, 03:40 PM
Which beer has more taste: Miller Light or Budweiser?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:43 PM
Hello Mr. Rooney, it's nice of you to make an appearance. Does DJ have any thoughts to enlighten us all? For example, how do you really feel about the Hawk-aroo?
:DJ

"Well to be perfectly honest, I've come to the conclusion that Ken Harrelson is a.................."

:reinsy

"Sorry folks, but Darrin Jackson had to leave the booth for a while here, but I think I can honestly answer that question because I would never ever insult my fan-base with anything less than an honest answer. Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson is an independent voice of Chicago baseball who would never think of shilling for anybody, and believe me they tried to get him to shill in New York."

longshot7
08-23-2004, 03:43 PM
Ed, what's the air-speed velocity of an unladen Swallow?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:47 PM
Dear Ed,

Numerous ballplayers, upon crossing homeplate after hitting a round-tripper, stop and point at the sky with both index fingers and raised arms.

What gives? What's up there? Are they trying to get everyone to sing YMCA?
:farmer

"I have talked about this in the past, and I thought I had it all taken care of a few years ago, but it appears to me that the players who hit home runs for our opposition are signaling their scouts who are sending signals via two way wrist radio to the opposing manager who then signals the batter via a series of blinking lights on the lower right hand side of the scoreboard. It's a very complex scheme to be sure, but I think they've tipped their hands with the congratulatory "finger point"."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:51 PM
Which beer has more taste: Miller Light or Budweiser?:farmer

"Well when I'm out for a formal night out - those are the ones where I were socks with my sweats - I've noticed that when I order a "glass of tap beer" people seem to think that's fancier than ordering a bottle. They say things like "Wow that guy is really fancy wearing socks, not Sox, and ordering a glass of tap beer. He's a real fancy pants." So I'd have to say that tap beer shows that you have the most taste."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 03:56 PM
Ed, what's the air-speed velocity of an unladen Swallow?
:farmer

"I like questions like this one because they allow me to really show off me wide range of knowledge. As we all know, a ladle is what you dip into a liquid in order to draw it up and pour it into something else - which you subsequently drink from. To swallow directly from a ladle is flat-out wrong unless you are in a Clint Eastwood movie - like a Fist Full of Dollars, or unless you raise your pinkie finger when drinking from the ladle. which makes it okay because it makes it fancy. As far as the velocity of swallowing goes, please drink slowly especially from a ladle, because we don't want anybody choking."

SoxFanForever
08-23-2004, 04:00 PM
What are the Thirty-Nine Steps?
Isn't that an old film noire movie from the late 30's or early 40's? I saw part of it once with my dad when i was like 18 or 19.

Johnny Mostil
08-23-2004, 04:01 PM
:farmer

"Well when I'm out for a formal night out - those are the ones where I were socks with my sweats - I've noticed that when I order a "glass of tap beer" people seem to think that's fancier than ordering a bottle. They say things like "Wow that guy is really fancy wearing socks, not Sox, and ordering a glass of tap beer. He's a real fancy pants." So I'd have to say that tap beer shows that you have the most taste."As a follow-up, Ed, less filling or tastes great?

And speaking of Pants, do you think Rowland had a few more managerial seasons left in him?

Baby Fisk
08-23-2004, 04:04 PM
Isn't that an old film noire movie from the late 30's or early 40's? I saw part of it once with my dad when i was like 18 or 19.Actually, no. Hawk answered the question correctly:

:hawk

"Yessir............the thirty nine steps...........Mercy. Back in Old Griffith Stadium in Washington, the dugouts were so far from the pitchers mound that we started counting how many steps Camiilo Pascual used to take after ending his turn on the mound each inning. Now for those of you who remember Camillo Pascual - he had the tiniest feet I ever did see, and it used to take him 39 steps to get back to the dugout. We had Frank Howard walk it off between innings and he only took two steps - so from that day forward we used to call him "39 Steps" Pascual. Man you should have seen Ol' Eddie Brinkman riding him............Mercy."

Viva Magglio
08-23-2004, 04:14 PM
Ed, why does Fred Flinstone keep ordering the Brontosaurus ribs at the drive-in restaurant every night when they cause his car to overturn?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 04:20 PM
As a follow-up, Ed, less filling or tastes great?

And speaking of Pants, do you think Rowland had a few more managerial seasons left in him?
:farmer

"When you get to talking about Pants Rowland, I've got to defer to our senior statesman in the booth, Ken Harrelson."

:hawk

"Thank you Ed, and thank you Johnny Mostil for your questions. Ol' Pants Rowland was actually known as Pant Rowland for much of his managerial career until Ol' Al Barlick tossed him out of the first game of a doubleheader against the Ol' Philadelphia Athletics who were then managed by Ol' Connie Mack. Well anyway, Barlick made sure to tell our White Sox bench that Pant was also kicked out for the second game as well, and he'd better not be on the bench when it started. Well one of the boys told Rowland between games that he had been ejected from the second game as well but Ol' Pant didn't care and went to the bench to start the night cap anyway. Well unbeknownst to all of us, Al Barlick went out between games and had about seven or eight boilermakers, so by the start of the second game he had completely forgotten that he ran Pant in the first game at all. Well anyway, Pant brings out the line up card for game #2, and Barlick takes it from him. Pant doen't know that Barlick is half in the bag so he immediately starts claiming that he is Pant Rowland's twin brother and his first name is Scissor. Well Ol' Al Barlick buys into the story, not knowing why Pant wasn't managing in the first place, and the game goes on with me hitting a three run home run off of Lefty Grove in the Ol' Baker Bowl. Well anyway because Pant tried to pass himself off as Scissor, well we just took to calling both him and his brother Pants - because we were never sure who was going to show up and manage on a day-to-day basis."

:rooney

"Huh?"

:hawk

"Yessir, Pant and Scissor - best brother duo since Pauls and Lloyds Waners..........mercy."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 04:28 PM
Ed, why does Fred Flinstone keep ordering the Brontosaurus ribs at the drive-in restaurant every night when they cause his car to overturn?
:farmer

"While I suspect that it was in fact Fred Flinstone who made dinosaurs extinct with his voracious appetite for all things Brontosaurus, I can relate to the fact that he would continually do the same thing over and over while still expecting a different result. You see Viva Magglio, Fred Flintstone - much as myself - is tuned into the concept of parallel universes. Each of these infinite universes is slightly different from the next. But here's the real kicker - All of these universes are without "cause and effect" - they are all products of absolute randomness. When you turn your key and the car starts, you are under the mistaken impression that turning the key had something to do with the car staring, when in fact the car starting was a completely mutually exclusive event that just so happened to take place at the exact instant you turned the key. Tomorrow it might not. Fred Flintstone understands this concept, and refuses to obey to the conventional "wisdom" that the slab of ribs is tipping the car over."

Johnny Mostil
08-23-2004, 04:33 PM
Ed, what was up with the playing of the Canadian national anthem after that gymnast from Calgary won gold at the Olympics today? Why should our U.S. gymnasts have had to listen to that?

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 04:43 PM
Ed, what was up with the playing of the Canadian national anthem after that gymnast from Calgary won gold at the Olympics today? Why should our U.S. gymnasts have had to listen to that?
:farmer

"Never was a fan of the Olympics. Did I play at Olympic Stadium? Yes I did. Did I enjoy it? No I didn't. What really gets me is when I used to go up to pre-SARS Canada and these people refused to speak English. Once in a little restaurant outside of Quebec City, I'm sitting with Red Baronsen and Elrod Hendricks talking about how good I look when I go cruising with the top down on what was then my new - not gnu like the animal, or knew as in the past tense of know - but my new Belvidere Convertible, when this little Canadian tart comes to take our order. Well I try talking to her and she just gives me this dumb look, and Hendricks starts laughing at her (at least I think he was laughing at her) when all of a sudden Baronsen says he'll order for us and starts talking jibberish. Well I knew she spoke English because I distinctly heard her say "We" this and "We" that and on and on. At that point I knew - as opposed to the previous use of new, and the previously discarded use of gnu - there was no way she was going to get a ride in my 383 4 barrel Belvidere."

Brian26
08-23-2004, 04:45 PM
Farmio,

I'd like to know why you constantly have to remind us how many home runs we need to tie the score during the game, or how far ahead a "bloop and a blast" will put us.

Example:

Score: Tigers 9 - White Sox 2

:farmer

"A slam followed by 2 bloops and a blast gives us a new ballgame."

:ozzie

"I tell you wat. We play ozzieball. I make out the ****ing lineup card. We dont rely on three-run homerun."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 04:46 PM
:farmer

I'd like to thank all of those who sent questions in, but now I have to get ready for the game. Maybe we'll do this some other time.

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 04:56 PM
Farmio,

I'd like to know why you constantly have to remind us how many home runs we need to tie the score during the game, or how far ahead a "bloop and a blast" will put us.
:farmer

"Okay, one last question before I walk up to the booth.

Brian26, it's all about managing the spread of runs over an opponent during a season that determines exactly how many games you're going to win or lose as the season progresses onward. Let me explain how I look at it:

When the season starts our White Sox will have approximately 4,374 outs to work with. Now I say 4,374 without doing an exact calculation concerning extra-innings or un-needed bottom of ninths and such but bear with me. As you start clicking off outs, it is imperative that you remember the collective level of surplus and or deficit that your team has or hasn't incurred during it's prior meetings with all other clubs. Now not all prior meetings, just the one's which have taken place during this particular season, although tracking this difference over a longer period can have very handsome rewards if done correctly. For instance if the White Sox are trailing 6 to nothing, that means that you're probably paying the price for having won a few games by a collective margin greater than the six runs by which you are presently trailing. I hope you're following closely because now it can get pretty complicated. When you cut into that six run lead, with let's say a walk, a single, a hit batter and a home run - you are now down only by two and you have to revise the back looking analysis to incorporate only those games which have been won by a couple of runs now - instead of the original six. Could this change in the game your playing today have any effect upon past games? No, but they certainly will upon games in the future, and to get to those future games you will have to use up a finite number of the remaining outs you have over the season. It's hard to put into words to be sure, but I really think I'm onto something here."

KingXerxes
08-23-2004, 04:58 PM
Done.

Daver
08-23-2004, 05:00 PM
Done.
Thanx King, you practically had me in tears of laughter.

:redneck