Reject Reality: Virtual 2005 Sox Thread

[RKMeibalane]

The following is my defense against the problems currently faced by the Chicago White Sox organization. No longer do I live in a world where the Sox lineup has been depleted by injuries. No longer do I live in a world where this team allows its fiercest rivals to get away with thuggery. The Chicago White Sox of my world are a force to be reckoned with. I know, because I made them up.

Welcome to the world of deep pink!

The 2005 Chicago White Sox are arguably the most talented team every assembled. Gone are the gaping holes at second base, shortstop, and catcher. Gone is the abyss that is the number-five starting pitcher spot. In place of these... things is a team capable of not only winning the World Series, but of also reshaping the way baseball is played.

How was this team put together? I'm glad you asked.

Observe...

Following the conclusion of the 2004 season, Jerry Reinsdorf elected to undergo a cutting-edge procedure in neurosurgery, because he wanted to raise his IQ by thirty points. Little did he know what effect the procedure would have on the other aspects of his personality. Returning to work after the surgery, the new and improved Reinsdorf adopted a new mentality: win at all costs. Everyone within the Sox organization quickly fell in line behind the Chairman, and the White Sox began to change for the better.

Sox outfielder Magglio Ordonez announced his intention to test the free-agent market following the completion of the World Series. Rather than risk losing Ordonez for nothing, Reinsdorf ordered Sox GM Kenny Wiliams to puruse any and all trade offers for the star right fielder. The best offer for the services of Ordonez came from a surprising source: the Philadelphia Phillies. And so, Ordonez was shipped to the City of Brotherly Love in exchange for Bobby Abreu.

Williams didn't stop there. Under Reinsdorf's orders, he successfully convinced the Texas Rangers to take on Joe Crede, Willie Harris, and Jose Valentin, in exchange for third baseman Hank Blalock and second baseman Alfonso Soriano. Because of the unusual nature of the trade, MLB Comissioner Bud Selig ordered an investigation. It was learned that Yankees owner George Steinbrenner had obtained revealing photographs of Rangers owner Tom Hicks and several farm animals, and that this photograph was the reason for the Soriano-Alex Rodriguez trade from the previous off-season. The trade between Chicago and Texas was allowed go through, but then both Soriano and Rodriguez were declared free-agents.

What happened next was right out of a Hollywood movie. The old Jerry Reinsdorf wouldn't have bothered with either player, but the new Reinsdorf was able to sign both of them, saying that he "wanted to win one for the fans."

Things got even better over the next few weeks. Carlos Beltran was signed to play center field, giving the Sox one of the best outfields in baseball. Ken Williams tricked Boston GM Theo Epstein into trading him Manny Ramirez and Curt Schilling. The Washington DC Expos, confused about many things, traded Jose Vidro for Paul Konerko. And finally, Miguel Olivo was reaccquired after Williams convinced the Mariners that Joe Borchard was the "next big thing."

Entering Spring Training in Arizona, the Sox lineup looked like this:

CF- Carlos Beltran
2B- Jose Vidro
1B- Frank Thomas
LF- Manny Ramirez
SS- Alex Rodriguez
3B- Hank Blalock
RF- Bobby Abreu
DH- Alfonso Soriano
C- Miguel Olivo

The fearsome lineup was complemented by this pitching staff:

SP- Curt Schilling
SP- Mark Buehrle
SP- Freddy Garcia
SP- Jose Contreras
SP- Jon Garland

[gosox3072]

Shouldnt that all be in deep pink?

Well i guess it is good to dream!

[RKMeibalane]

The first day of Spring Training was not without excitment. As had been his practice for the past few seasons, Frank Thomas swore off the media for the "remainder of his career," but not before campaigning for a contract extension following the season.

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti made a surprise visit to the Sox camp, and was promptly hit in the head with a ball thrown by Bobby Abreu. Mariotti was taken to a nearby hospital for observation. The neurologist who examined him was astonished to learn that Mariotti had managed to survive despite not having a functional brain.

Manny Ramirez suprised everyone by hitting a ball more than five hundred feet during batting practice. The ball landed well beyond the left-field fence, striking Ken Williams' new Mercedes. An enraged Williams confronted Ramirez after the workout, calling his new outfielder a "showboating mother-****er."

[RKMeibalane]

After three weeks of workouts, the White Sox played their first exhibition game, against the Seattle Mariners and their new manager, Jerry "The Tinkerer" Manuel. When interviewed before the start of the game, Manuel was quick to dismiss speculation that he and Frank Thomas did not get along during his time in the Windy City.

However, the events of the game seemed to contradict this statement. Coming to bat in the bottom of the first, Thomas stepped into the batter's box with one on and one out. The first pitch from Seattle starter Jamie Moyer was high and tight, causing Thomas to jump back to avoid being hit. Before stepping back into the box, Thomas turned toward the Mariner dugout, glaring in the direction of his former manager. The Sox slugger later singled as part of a three-run first inning for the Sox.

Other highlights from the game included Alex Rodriguez crushing a mammoth home run over the center field fence, Freddy Garcia striking out five consecutive Mariner hitters, and Aaron Rowand taking out Bret Boone on a hard slide into third base.

[MRKARNO]

Huge trade!! The Chicago White Sox send Pitcher Jon Garland, Shortstop Kelly Drandsfeldt and minor league pitcher Ryan Meaux to Milwaukee in exchange for pitcher Ben Sheets and Dan Kolb after the two Milwaukee pitchers demand pay raises. Jerry Reinsdorf promises the two "not to worry because we're willing to pay you whatever it takes to keep you here beyond 2005."

[Whitesox029]

Then Whitesox029 threw up all over his keyboard, realizing that someone had just suggested trading Paul Konerko (.281, 28 HR, 74 RBI) for Jose Vidro (.286, 12 HR, 47 RBI).

[Whitesox029]

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti made a surprise visit to the Sox camp, and was promptly hit in the head with a ball thrown by Bobby Abreu. Mariotti was taken to a nearby hospital for observation. The neurologist who examined him was astonished to learn that Mariotti had managed to survive despite not having a functional brain.

Though I do have to compliment you for this idea....