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View Full Version : I swear...I'm NOT making this up...


hsnterprize
07-20-2004, 07:11 PM
The CuBS 2 News at 5PM tonight led off with an unusual story...one that would only leave you scratching your head and wondering, "Why is this a story?" Anyway, here's the poop...er, scoop on the story.

Believe it or not, it's a story about a prevalent problem at Wrigley Field, or as we commonly refer it to as "The Urinal", although when you get the crux of this, you'll understand why this story is for birds who are smarter than people and not using the urinals there. It seems like pigeons are camping out under the 3rd base side of the upper deck, and pooping on the people. And fans are madder than poop about it. The pigeons are huddling underneath the framework, and occasionally releasing their white-laced bombs on unsuspecting patrons. Other birds are leaving their wares on empty seats, creating a less-than-healthy site for one to behold.

Jon Duncanson was at the ballpark interviewing people about this problem, and according to the Chicago Board of Public Health, CBS 2 has actually reported this scenario to authorities who say they'll rectify this situation to "everyone's satisfaction."

Now...let me get this straight...there is overcrowding in the area around Wrigley, drunken fans starting fights, "lenient" police according to local activists groups, concrete falling out of the upper deck, and a major TV station is concerned about bird poop on chairs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And this on top of a classic Cubbie collapse, too. Seems like the very media that annointed the Cubs as "world beaters" is now trying to save face. It's only a matter of time before the Cubs, and the Cubbie-loving media, are finally forced to admit defeat.

zach23
07-20-2004, 07:14 PM
The CuBS 2 News at 5PM tonight led off with an unusual story...one that would only leave you scratching your head and wondering, "Why is this a story?" Anyway, here's the poop...er, scoop on the story.

Believe it or not, it's a story about a prevalent problem at Wrigley Field, or as we commonly refer it to as "The Urinal", although when you get the crux of this, you'll understand why this story is for birds who are smarter than people and not using the urinals there. It seems like pigeons are camping out under the 3rd base side of the upper deck, and pooping on the people. And fans are madder than poop about it. The pigeons are huddling underneath the framework, and occasionally releasing their white-laced bombs on unsuspecting patrons. Other birds are leaving their wares on empty seats, creating a less-than-healthy site for one to behold.

Jon Duncanson was at the ballpark interviewing people about this problem, and according to the Chicago Board of Public Health, CBS 2 has actually reported this scenario to authorities who say they'll rectify this situation to "everyone's satisfaction."

Now...let me get this straight...there is overcrowding in the area around Wrigley, drunken fans starting fights, "lenient" police according to local activists groups, concrete falling out of the upper deck, and a major TV station is concerned about bird poop on chairs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And this on top of a classic Cubbie collapse, too. Seems like the very media that annointed the Cubs as "world beaters" is now trying to save face. It's only a matter of time before the Cubs, and the Cubbie-loving media, are finally forced to admit defeat.

The pidgeons are just expressing what they think of the cubs play.

cheeses_h_rice
07-20-2004, 07:18 PM
Prince sang, so eloquently, "When doves cry."

I guess for the Flubbies, they have to settle for pigeons sh*tting...

bigfoot
07-20-2004, 07:22 PM
Even a blind pigeon can hit a Cub hat once in a while.

The Ball Maul is crumbling down around their ears, While the 96th version of Cub Death Spiral Ballet,
Finds the northside 8 1/2 spinning out of control.
It must be the pigeons fault. Not the Hawk-ins.

Palehose13
07-20-2004, 08:23 PM
Other birds are leaving their wares on empty seats, creating a less-than-healthy site for one to behold.



How can there be empty seats at Wrigley? Isn't that place ALWAYS full?

StepsInSC
07-20-2004, 09:02 PM
Now...let me get this straight...there is overcrowding in the area around Wrigley, drunken fans starting fights, "lenient" police according to local activists groups, concrete falling out of the upper deck, and a major TV station is concerned about bird poop on chairs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

To most people, not being **** on is higher up on their "mazlow's hierchy of needs so-to-speak" than the threat of being in a drunken fight or the outside chance of being assaulted.

daveeym
07-20-2004, 09:52 PM
Man some guy pissed in the stands a few rows behind me at the game and it dripped on my shoes, I got dowsed with a beer when Sammy flew out to the warning track, got hit in the head by a beer bottle at the cubbie bear and got blood on my shirt and pants from the fight that erupted, but MAN THE WORST part of the day was when the pigeon **** on my cubs hat during the game.

CubsfansareDRUNK
07-20-2004, 10:08 PM
The pidgeons are just expressing what they think of the cubs play.
hahahahaha sooo true

TornLabrum
07-21-2004, 12:05 AM
The CuBS 2 News at 5PM tonight led off with an unusual story...one that would only leave you scratching your head and wondering, "Why is this a story?" Anyway, here's the poop...er, scoop on the story.

Believe it or not, it's a story about a prevalent problem at Wrigley Field, or as we commonly refer it to as "The Urinal", although when you get the crux of this, you'll understand why this story is for birds who are smarter than people and not using the urinals there. It seems like pigeons are camping out under the 3rd base side of the upper deck, and pooping on the people. And fans are madder than poop about it. The pigeons are huddling underneath the framework, and occasionally releasing their white-laced bombs on unsuspecting patrons. Other birds are leaving their wares on empty seats, creating a less-than-healthy site for one to behold.

Jon Duncanson was at the ballpark interviewing people about this problem, and according to the Chicago Board of Public Health, CBS 2 has actually reported this scenario to authorities who say they'll rectify this situation to "everyone's satisfaction."

Now...let me get this straight...there is overcrowding in the area around Wrigley, drunken fans starting fights, "lenient" police according to local activists groups, concrete falling out of the upper deck, and a major TV station is concerned about bird poop on chairs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And this on top of a classic Cubbie collapse, too. Seems like the very media that annointed the Cubs as "world beaters" is now trying to save face. It's only a matter of time before the Cubs, and the Cubbie-loving media, are finally forced to admit defeat.
All I have to say it, "Channel 2, who you crappin'?"

Harris=God
07-21-2004, 12:40 AM
if i was a cub fan and i was crapped on i would throw my beer at it, go pick a fight with it, and then after i killed it throw it on the field.

WSox8404
07-21-2004, 12:56 AM
if i was a cub fan and i was crapped on i would throw my beer at it, go pick a fight with it, and then after i killed it throw it on the field.
Ha. And then cheer for Sammy even if the other team was up to bat.

CubsfansareDRUNK
07-21-2004, 02:34 PM
Ha. And then cheer for Sammy even if the other team was up to bat.
or after he struck out hahaha

hsnterprize
07-22-2004, 08:51 AM
Here's the Cubs' new marketing slogan...Welcome to beautiful Wrigley Field, where the **** REALLY hits the fan.

SSN721
07-22-2004, 10:40 AM
Here's the Cubs' new marketing slogan...Welcome to beautiful Wrigley Field, where the **** REALLY hits the fan.

lol, very nice. I think that might get them over the hump and really have the fans start coming back to their ballpark. :rolleyes:

StockdaleForVeep
07-23-2004, 02:41 AM
The CuBS 2 News at 5PM tonight led off with an unusual story...one that would only leave you scratching your head and wondering, "Why is this a story?" Anyway, here's the poop...er, scoop on the story.

Believe it or not, it's a story about a prevalent problem at Wrigley Field, or as we commonly refer it to as "The Urinal", although when you get the crux of this, you'll understand why this story is for birds who are smarter than people and not using the urinals there. It seems like pigeons are camping out under the 3rd base side of the upper deck, and pooping on the people. And fans are madder than poop about it. The pigeons are huddling underneath the framework, and occasionally releasing their white-laced bombs on unsuspecting patrons. Other birds are leaving their wares on empty seats, creating a less-than-healthy site for one to behold.

Jon Duncanson was at the ballpark interviewing people about this problem, and according to the Chicago Board of Public Health, CBS 2 has actually reported this scenario to authorities who say they'll rectify this situation to "everyone's satisfaction."

Now...let me get this straight...there is overcrowding in the area around Wrigley, drunken fans starting fights, "lenient" police according to local activists groups, concrete falling out of the upper deck, and a major TV station is concerned about bird poop on chairs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And this on top of a classic Cubbie collapse, too. Seems like the very media that annointed the Cubs as "world beaters" is now trying to save face. It's only a matter of time before the Cubs, and the Cubbie-loving media, are finally forced to admit defeat. Daver gonna be contracted to dispatch with this pigeon issue?

http://baseballhalloffame.org/hofers_and_honorees/frick_bios/images/uecker_bob.jpg"Who cares its a rat with wings!"