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white sox bill
08-01-2003, 02:44 PM
I had a informal business meeting w/ 3 other guys and they started talking Scrub talk. I pitched in about "my boyz the sox" and the reaction wasn't real receptive.

Then one guy says I gotta Sox joke for you. The abbreviated version:

Little Jonny: Teacher I'm a Cubs fan
Teacher: Why are you a Cubs fan and living here in Milwaukee?
Jonny: Well, my grandpa was a Cub fan, paased to my Dad who was a Cubs fan who paased it to me.
Teacher: Jonny, you don't HAVE to be like that. I mean what if your Mom was a whore and your father a crackhead. Would you want to be loke that?
Johnny:If my mom was a whore and my father a crackhead, that would make me a Sox fan

The guy who told it was obviosly joking around, he even patted me on the back. I didn't take it personally but did ask everyone:

Know what CUBS stand for: Completly Useless By Summer
They all laughed, one even quipped: No its by Spring!
Then another one cracks the one about the lady w/ 9 kids who left Wrigley forgetting her sons, please come back and get them because they are beating the Cubs.

See how Cub fans LOVE losing!!!!

Does anyone know of other Cub jokes for some ammunintion?

JJAustin69
08-01-2003, 02:55 PM
A Red Sox fan, Yankee fan, Cubs fan and White Sox fan all climbed Mt Everest. Upon reaching the summit, the Red Sox fan, in an attempt to appease the baseball gods dove off screaming "This is for Beantown!" Not to be outdone, the Yankee fan hurled himself to his doom yelling, "This is for the Big Apple." There was a slight pause......then the Sox fan pushed the Cub fan over the edge and said "That was for Chicago."

southsidegirl
08-01-2003, 02:57 PM
while the cardinals were in first for a time and the cubs were in second we used to tease my friend julie by saying "so today i was walking down the street and i see this bear cub and all of a sudden this cardinal flies up and starts pecking at it...." she was flippin mad every time that we did it.


i thought it was: completly useless by september

also sosa is: strikes out swinging again

JJAustin69
08-01-2003, 03:06 PM
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Sammy Sosa have in common?
A: They both wear a glove for no apparent reason.

Iwritecode
08-01-2003, 03:11 PM
Q: What did Jesus say to the Cubs last time he was on Earth?
A: "Don't do anything til I get back."

Some quotes about the Cubs-

"The Cubs striking is about as significant as the buggy-whip manufacturers going on strike. What difference does it make?"--Mike Royko

"As a lifelong Cubs fan, I've learned to tolerate and forgive almost anything. I've cheered outfielders who ran into the wall between innings, pitchers who fell on the mound, infielders who threw the ball to vendors. . . . Some of the Cubs players were so bad that their own loved ones couldn't stand to seem them play."--Royko again

"I heard they were going to move the Cubs to the Philippines and name them the Manilla Folders."--Comedian Paul Kelley

"Rooting for the Cubs is like continuing to fly on Disaster Airlines, Inc., with a record of at least one major crash every year; you have to be an incredible optimist, a complete pessimist or a candidate for the Guinness Book of World Records in the category of stoicism in the face of interminable adversity."--Jim Langford, author

"Have you heard about the new Chicago Cubs fan doll? Wind it up and it snores."--Tiger Lyons, humorist

CUB FEVER--CATCH IT . . . AND DIE! CHICAGO CUBS--1908 WORLD CHAMPIONS--T-shirt inscriptions

Q: What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series?
A: No cubs.--Harry Caray joke. 'Nuff said.

"It's hard to put your finger on it. You have to have a certain dullness of mind and spirit to play here. I went through psychoanalysis and that helped me deal with my Cubness."--Jim Brosnan, former Cubs pitcher

"Noise pollution can't be that much of a problem. There's nothing to cheer about."--State rep. John F. Dunn, arguing for the installation of lights at Wrigley Field

"If I managed the Cubs, I'd be an alcoholic."--Whitey Herzog

"There's nothing wrong with this team that more pitching, more fielding and more hitting couldn't help."--Bill Buckner

"You get tired of looking at garbage in your own backyard."--Cubs manager Lee Elia in 1983 about why the Cubs got rid of so many players. Elia was fired later that same season.

"The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter."--Radio deejay

"The only bad thing about being released by the Cubs is that they made me keep my season tickets."--Ken Rietz, ex-Cub third baseman

"Would the lady who left her nine kids at Wrigley Field please pick them up immediately? They are beating the Cubs 4-0 in the 7th inning."--Radio deejay

"One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth."--Joe Garagiola

"The Chicago Cubs are like Rush Street--a lot of singles, but no action."--Garagiola again

Did you hear about the new Cubs soup?
Two sips and then you choke.--Old joke

"The latest diet is better than the Pritikin Diet. You eat only when the Cubs win."--pianist George Shearing

koch44
08-01-2003, 03:12 PM
My Mom became a true cub fan today. She said, "I'm not going to watch the game. I'm going to socialize with friends."

gogosoxgogo
08-01-2003, 03:25 PM
On a recent tour of the United States, the Pope took a couple of days off his
itinerary to visit the Florida coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip.

His 4X4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when
there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland.

They rushed to see and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the
water a hapless man wearing a CUBS baseball jersey, struggling
frantically to free himself from the jaws of a huge shark. At that moment a
speedboat containing three men wearing SOX jerseys roared into view from
around the point. Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon
into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out
and
pulled the CUBS fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the
shark
to death. They bundled the bleeding, semiconscious man into the boat along
with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard

frantic shouting from the shore.

It was the Pope summoning them to the beach.

After they reached the shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said,
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there is bitter
anger between the people of the south and north sides of Chicago, but now I
have seen with my own eyes this is not true...I can see that your society is a
truly enlightened
example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which others could
follow." He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?". "That was
the Holy Father, His Holiness the Pope, the head of the Roman Catholic
Church and the spiritual leader of millions of faithful Christians around
the world."

"Well," the harpooner replied, "He doesn't seem to know anything about
sharkfishing. Is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?"

----------------------------

What George Carlin says about the cubs.

"In fact, as soon as my teams are out of the running,
I start acively rooting for the CUBS, Red Sox, Bills ,
Broncos, and Vikings to get as far as they can in the
postseason so that ultimately they can let the big
prize slip away one more time."

"If the Cubs ever win a world series, the news
coverage will be the most boring bunch of **** you can
imagine.

Iwritecode
08-01-2003, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by koch44
My Mom became a true cub fan today. She said, "I'm not going to watch the game. I'm going to socialize with friends."

Without trying to sound like a sexist pig, I think that's just women in general.

ex: My wife and I have been bowling with my parents on Friday nights for quite a few seasons. Both my mom and my wife say they are there to talk to there friends and the bowling is just secondary. Of course if we bowl the right team we end up with 4 women (2 from each team) sitting back at the tables talking meanwhile at least two of them are up to bowl.

Good thing they allow you to :gulp: while you bowl...

voodoochile
08-01-2003, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by Iwritecode
Without trying to sound like a sexist pig, I think that's just women in general.


Man, it takes guts to just walk out into a minefield like that. I give you credit, IWC. I am not going to comment, because I think a few female members are going to handle that for me.

It's been nice knowing you though. Hope you survive the next 24-hours. If so, report back for treatment... :)

fquaye149
08-01-2003, 05:28 PM
Originally posted by white sox bill
I had a informal business meeting w/ 3 other guys and they started talking Scrub talk. I pitched in about "my boyz the sox" and the reaction wasn't real receptive.

Then one guy says I gotta Sox joke for you. The abbreviated version:

Little Jonny: Teacher I'm a Cubs fan
Teacher: Why are you a Cubs fan and living here in Milwaukee?
Jonny: Well, my grandpa was a Cub fan, paased to my Dad who was a Cubs fan who paased it to me.
Teacher: Jonny, you don't HAVE to be like that. I mean what if your Mom was a whore and your father a crackhead. Would you want to be loke that?
Johnny:If my mom was a whore and my father a crackhead, that would make me a Sox fan

The guy who told it was obviosly joking around, he even patted me on the back. I didn't take it personally but did ask everyone:

Know what CUBS stand for: Completly Useless By Summer
They all laughed, one even quipped: No its by Spring!
Then another one cracks the one about the lady w/ 9 kids who left Wrigley forgetting her sons, please come back and get them because they are beating the Cubs.

See how Cub fans LOVE losing!!!!

Does anyone know of other Cub jokes for some ammunintion?


oh boy that's an old sox joke that they just turned the words around and made it a cubs joke.

it's like when a woman covers a song a man sang and changes all the "she's" into "he's"

dickallen15
08-01-2003, 10:36 PM
Originally posted by Iwritecode
Without trying to sound like a sexist pig, I think that's just women in general.

ex: My wife and I have been bowling with my parents on Friday nights for quite a few seasons. Both my mom and my wife say they are there to talk to there friends and the bowling is just secondary. Of course if we bowl the right team we end up with 4 women (2 from each team) sitting back at the tables talking meanwhile at least two of them are up to bowl.

Good thing they allow you to :gulp: while you bowl...

If you can't drink while your playing it isn't a sport.

WinningUgly!
08-01-2003, 10:47 PM
A few more...

Q: What's the difference between Bigfoot and a smart Cubs fan?

A: Bigfoot has been sighted before.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is the difference between Wrigley Field & a porcupine?

A: A porcupine has 35,000 pricks on the outside.

sox_fan_forever
08-01-2003, 10:57 PM
Originally posted by voodoochile
Man, it takes guts to just walk out into a minefield like that. I give you credit, IWC. I am not going to comment, because I think a few female members are going to handle that for me.

It's been nice knowing you though. Hope you survive the next 24-hours. If so, report back for treatment... :)

lol

I am a 16 year old female and I definitely don't fit into what IWC said. That said, however, I don't think he was too far off when he said "in general." Maybe I just don't know the right people, but I am definitely in the minority amongst the people I hang out with.

I was going to say something else, but now I forgot what it was. :-P