View Full Version : Clause and effect

08-21-2002, 10:36 PM
From ESPN the magazine:

As the players and owners thumb their noses at each other (and us), we thought we'd suggest a few clauses that all parties can agree on.

All teams that receive the benefits of the luxury tax must use part of the proceeds to purchase Boardwalk or Park Place.

Steroid testing will consist of asking players, "Hey man, are you on steroids?"

All midseason call-ups must be named after tasty cereals.

Jiang Zemin to oversee new revenue-sharing program.

If your team is down by 10 or more runs, all stadium concessions are half-price.*

Starting pitchers must be removed with oversized pneumatic hook and loud cry of "Yoink!"

Pete Rose to be reinstated, but banned from Maaco commercials.

In an effort to speed up the games, the ceremonial first pitch now counts.

Players who say "it's not about the money" must play for free for the next week.

Milwaukee Brewers games to consist of one inning of play and eight innings of sausage races.

*Void in Colorado