View Full Version : I've figured it out

Procol Harum
07-16-2002, 10:56 AM
As I have contemplated the demise of our beloved Sox here in 2002 I have looked at every imaginable player-personnel move, performance indicators and statistic. It was only this morning, however, that it dawned on me what the true root of our problems has been. The source of all of our travails can be laid completely at the door of Jerry Manuel, either inadvertantly, or explicitly. If you will recall, fair Sox fan, before the season JM cut a series of promotional spots in which he told several teams--the Yankees, the Indians, the A's--that they needed to bring their 'A' game and that they had better come ready to play. You see, Manuel, rather than being close-lipped about our considerable skeelsz had unwittingly let the cat out of the bag-- warning the opposition beforehand, thus enabling them to come into Comiskey and beat our brains in. Moreover, these teams cunningly carried over these insights--being ready to play--when we visited their ballparks as well, handing our privates to us in a sack.

In some ways, this might have still worked to our advantage because you note that most of the teams in the league were not mentioned in the ads. Conceivably, these teams--such as Detroit, for instance--could have been lulled into a sense of complacency and come into Chicago not knowing that they needed to come to play, thus resulting in numerous Sox victories. Unfortunately, word of the commercials seems to have spread throughout the league--and even to the NL when inter-league play began. Indeed, these other teams may have felt slighted in the fact that they were not mentioned in the commercials and resolved to play the White Sox all the harder. The Angels appear to have been particularly cheesed off. Whatever, the case, these teams that were unmentioned in the ads also beat us like a drum and handed our privates to us in a sack.

We know not whether this unfortunate strategy for Sox marketing was something which was concocted by an outside firm or by someone within Sox public relations' hierarchy (it does have the whiff of Rob Galas), or whether it emanated from JM himself. But, this much is clear: when baseball historians look back upon the 2002 season the "Better Come Ready to Play" ads will be the baseball equivalent of George Custer's "I have them where I want them" quip the night before the Little Big Horn.

But we must also ask where do we go from here? I would suggest that the Sox approach the 2003 season with a great deal more caution and play it a little closer to the vest. Here are a few of my suggestions for next year's ads (featuring our beloved new mascot, Stinky the Sox Skunk) which I hope would lead the opposition to ease their guard and thus give our Pale Hose the advantage both psychologically and tactically:

-"Comiskey Park: Hospitality is Our Specialty"

-"White Sox Baseball: Oh, Heck, Come As You Are!"

-"Todd Ritchie: He'll Be Starting Every Other Game"

-"The Chicago White Sox: We Ain't Got None"

-"Frank Thomas: Aw, Just Throw It Inside"

-"White Sox Baseball: The Twins Are Nice Fellas"

-"The Yankees, A's, Mariners, Indians and Everybody Else Had Better Bring A Dish to Pass--Pot-Luck After the Game!"

-"Ray Durham: Nobody Else Would Take Him Off Our Hands"

That ought to do it. :gulp:


"Was it somethin' I said?"