voodoochile
06-29-2002, 06:48 PM
ShamME at the Bat
(2002)
By VoodooChile (With apologies to Ernest Thayer)
The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Flubbie nine that day;
The score stood five to four with but one inning more to play.
But when A-gone lead off with a hit Joe bunted him to third;
The Flubbie faithful all jumped up and made their voices heard.
A couple of the Sox fans hung their head in fear
Worried that all the hard work would slide away in tears;
They wondered why Coach Jerry had left Osuna in—
Why not use Keith Foulke to ensure the win.
But Osuna popped up C-Pat and everything looked good,
But Mueller fought off pitch and pitch with his Flubbie wood;
The final pitch it sailed wide and Bill he took a walk,
And now the Flubbie faithful all began to squawk.
For now approaching home with steroid bulked up arms,
Strode the mighty ShamME looking to do harm.
The fans began to chant and ShamME slowly smiled,
He tapped the plate in front of him – The Flubbie crowd went wild.
There was ease in ShamME’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in ShamME’s bearing and a smile on ShamME's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he tapped his swollen chest,
No Sox fan in the crowd could doubt 'twas steroids at their best.
80 thousand eyeballs watched him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
10 thousand flubs fans yelled when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the tired pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Zingers gleamed in ShamME's eye; a smile curled ShamME's lip.
And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And ShamME stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the pumped up batsman so close unto his head--
"Watch my pretty face," said ShamME. "Ball one," the umpire said.
Now two more times the ball went by and ShamME had not swung.
The count was 3 and 0 and the Sox fans all went dumb.
“Please don’t walk the bases full,” the faithful they implored
But not to worry Sox fans that’s not what ShamME’s for.
A smile of haughty ease on ShamME's face arose;
He knew that he’d be swinging at any pitch e’en close;
He signaled for the pitch, and again the spheroid hummed;
And ShamME cut the air – the umpire said “Strike One."
"Yeah!" cried the crazy flubs fans, “Hit a 3 run shot”;
ShamME tapped the plate and once more tapped his heart.
They saw his face light up with joy and now the baseball flew,
ShamME cut a mighty stroke – the umpire said, “Strike Two.”
“Ohmigawd did you see that?” The Flubbie faithful screamed.
“If he had only hit it, the baseball would be creamed.”
The Sox fans clapped their hands and screamed their voice as one
Knowing ShamME’s pride would make the ending fun.
The smile is splitting ShamME's face as he steps to meet his fate;
He taps with cautious tenderness his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of ShamME's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
And all those fans are Sox fans – mighty ShamME has struck out.
Epilogue:
Later in the dugout ShamME smiled and pranced
The TV cameras buzzed and ShamME did his dance
“It’s not about the winning, that’s what I’ve always said,
I need to hit a zinger to feed my swollen head.”
(2002)
By VoodooChile (With apologies to Ernest Thayer)
The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Flubbie nine that day;
The score stood five to four with but one inning more to play.
But when A-gone lead off with a hit Joe bunted him to third;
The Flubbie faithful all jumped up and made their voices heard.
A couple of the Sox fans hung their head in fear
Worried that all the hard work would slide away in tears;
They wondered why Coach Jerry had left Osuna in—
Why not use Keith Foulke to ensure the win.
But Osuna popped up C-Pat and everything looked good,
But Mueller fought off pitch and pitch with his Flubbie wood;
The final pitch it sailed wide and Bill he took a walk,
And now the Flubbie faithful all began to squawk.
For now approaching home with steroid bulked up arms,
Strode the mighty ShamME looking to do harm.
The fans began to chant and ShamME slowly smiled,
He tapped the plate in front of him – The Flubbie crowd went wild.
There was ease in ShamME’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in ShamME’s bearing and a smile on ShamME's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he tapped his swollen chest,
No Sox fan in the crowd could doubt 'twas steroids at their best.
80 thousand eyeballs watched him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
10 thousand flubs fans yelled when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the tired pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Zingers gleamed in ShamME's eye; a smile curled ShamME's lip.
And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And ShamME stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the pumped up batsman so close unto his head--
"Watch my pretty face," said ShamME. "Ball one," the umpire said.
Now two more times the ball went by and ShamME had not swung.
The count was 3 and 0 and the Sox fans all went dumb.
“Please don’t walk the bases full,” the faithful they implored
But not to worry Sox fans that’s not what ShamME’s for.
A smile of haughty ease on ShamME's face arose;
He knew that he’d be swinging at any pitch e’en close;
He signaled for the pitch, and again the spheroid hummed;
And ShamME cut the air – the umpire said “Strike One."
"Yeah!" cried the crazy flubs fans, “Hit a 3 run shot”;
ShamME tapped the plate and once more tapped his heart.
They saw his face light up with joy and now the baseball flew,
ShamME cut a mighty stroke – the umpire said, “Strike Two.”
“Ohmigawd did you see that?” The Flubbie faithful screamed.
“If he had only hit it, the baseball would be creamed.”
The Sox fans clapped their hands and screamed their voice as one
Knowing ShamME’s pride would make the ending fun.
The smile is splitting ShamME's face as he steps to meet his fate;
He taps with cautious tenderness his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of ShamME's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
And all those fans are Sox fans – mighty ShamME has struck out.
Epilogue:
Later in the dugout ShamME smiled and pranced
The TV cameras buzzed and ShamME did his dance
“It’s not about the winning, that’s what I’ve always said,
I need to hit a zinger to feed my swollen head.”