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voodoochile
06-29-2002, 07:48 PM
ShamME at the Bat

(2002)

By VoodooChile (With apologies to Ernest Thayer)

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Flubbie nine that day;
The score stood five to four with but one inning more to play.
But when A-gone lead off with a hit Joe bunted him to third;
The Flubbie faithful all jumped up and made their voices heard.

A couple of the Sox fans hung their head in fear
Worried that all the hard work would slide away in tears;
They wondered why Coach Jerry had left Osuna in—
Why not use Keith Foulke to ensure the win.

But Osuna popped up C-Pat and everything looked good,
But Mueller fought off pitch and pitch with his Flubbie wood;
The final pitch it sailed wide and Bill he took a walk,
And now the Flubbie faithful all began to squawk.

For now approaching home with steroid bulked up arms,
Strode the mighty ShamME looking to do harm.
The fans began to chant and ShamME slowly smiled,
He tapped the plate in front of him – The Flubbie crowd went wild.

There was ease in ShamME’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in ShamME’s bearing and a smile on ShamME's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he tapped his swollen chest,
No Sox fan in the crowd could doubt 'twas steroids at their best.

80 thousand eyeballs watched him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
10 thousand flubs fans yelled when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the tired pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Zingers gleamed in ShamME's eye; a smile curled ShamME's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And ShamME stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the pumped up batsman so close unto his head--
"Watch my pretty face," said ShamME. "Ball one," the umpire said.

Now two more times the ball went by and ShamME had not swung.
The count was 3 and 0 and the Sox fans all went dumb.
“Please don’t walk the bases full,” the faithful they implored
But not to worry Sox fans that’s not what ShamME’s for.

A smile of haughty ease on ShamME's face arose;
He knew that he’d be swinging at any pitch e’en close;
He signaled for the pitch, and again the spheroid hummed;
And ShamME cut the air – the umpire said “Strike One."

"Yeah!" cried the crazy flubs fans, “Hit a 3 run shot”;
ShamME tapped the plate and once more tapped his heart.
They saw his face light up with joy and now the baseball flew,
ShamME cut a mighty stroke – the umpire said, “Strike Two.”

“Ohmigawd did you see that?” The Flubbie faithful screamed.
“If he had only hit it, the baseball would be creamed.”
The Sox fans clapped their hands and screamed their voice as one
Knowing ShamME’s pride would make the ending fun.

The smile is splitting ShamME's face as he steps to meet his fate;
He taps with cautious tenderness his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of ShamME's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
And all those fans are Sox fans – mighty ShamME has struck out.

Epilogue:

Later in the dugout ShamME smiled and pranced
The TV cameras buzzed and ShamME did his dance
“It’s not about the winning, that’s what I’ve always said,
I need to hit a zinger to feed my swollen head.”

34rancher
06-29-2002, 07:53 PM
That has to be the post of the year. That was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Maybe one of those reporters that lurks here will pick it up in time for the Sunday paper.

Chisox_cali
06-29-2002, 07:53 PM
Great Job Voo! That was hilarious. Good times :gulp:

FarWestChicago
06-29-2002, 07:56 PM
Well done, voodoo! I paraphrased something famous in the Soxogram, too. :)

WinningUgly!
06-29-2002, 07:58 PM
Great job Voodoo! :gulp:

Quite possibly the greatest post of all time.

voodoochile
06-29-2002, 08:03 PM
Originally posted by FarWestChicago
Well done, voodoo! I paraphrased something famous in the Soxogram, too. :)

Just noticed that, great job...

Sometimes ripping off great poetry is easy when you have the proper muse...

:shammy
"Are you saying I amuse you? Like I'm a clown?"

:walnuts
"Yep, that's exactly what I'm saying. Nice zinger swings, I'll take a hit to the right side and a win anyday."

:iron
"I know which one gets my vote for MVP."

:moron
(gushing) "You like ShamME too?"

:iron
"Shut up, you idiot, you're making my head hurt..."

KruseControl04
06-29-2002, 08:07 PM
That's the best poem in the world, I think I'm going to print it out, frame it and hang it in my room. You are truly a man of great wisdom.

raul12
06-29-2002, 08:49 PM
Originally posted by voodoochile


:walnuts
"Yep, that's exactly what I'm saying. Nice zinger swings, I'll take a hit to the right side and a win anyday."


great poem VC! i was in teh car listening to the game (i can get am1000 in my car, but not in my home) and for a couple of minutes, am1000 went out of range, so i switched it to 720. it was right after paulie's long fly out in the second inning. ron santo was saying that pk is a dead pull hitter--he almost never hits it to the right side, but Shamme is such a great hitter to all parts of the field. OMG, i couldn't switch the station back to 1000 fast enough. what an idiot.

woohoo!!!! one more and we have bragging rights! as well as sending the flubs to their lowest point under .500 for the year! i also ran into a flubbie jeep at the beach today--i asked him what he thought of the game yesterday....he said it was ridiculous. he looked pretty disheartened. too bad he had two young kids with him--brainwashing i tell ya.

Jjav829
06-29-2002, 08:55 PM
GREAT JOB Voodoo! Damn that was good! This should be the new Post of the Week!

PaleHoseGeorge
06-29-2002, 08:56 PM
Definitely 2002 Cubs/Sox feature material, that's for sure!

LMAO! Great Job, voodoo!!!

:barney&sham

RKMeibalane
06-29-2002, 09:23 PM
Originally posted by raul12


great poem VC! i was in teh car listening to the game (i can get am1000 in my car, but not in my home) and for a couple of minutes, am1000 went out of range, so i switched it to 720. it was right after paulie's long fly out in the second inning. ron santo was saying that pk is a dead pull hitter--he almost never hits it to the right side, but Shamme is such a great hitter to all parts of the field. OMG, i couldn't switch the station back to 1000 fast enough. what an idiot.

Santo and Hughes are the worst braodcasting team in baseball, aside from Chimp Caray and Jolly Joe Carter. Neither one seems to know what he's talking about.

I don't where they got the idea that PK is a dead-pull hitter. What a load of crap! Right now, Konerko is doing the best job of using the whole field of any of the Sox.

Yesterday, I didn't get to watch the game, so I listened to those two on the radio. Santo is clueless. Frank was up in the third inning, I believe, and Santo said, "I think there was one year where he had thirty homeruns, 100 runs scored, 100 runs batted in, and a .300 average."

WHAT? Anyone who follows baseball knows that Frank has done that eight times during his career (1991-97, 2000), not just once. Ugghhh!

I feel bad for Santo. He's had numerous health problems related to his diabetes, and he's had at least one foot amputated, and I applaud him for toughing it out and continuing to enjoy life. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and character to make it through countless leg and foot operations to repair damage caused by recurring blood clots. I give him all the credit in the world for overcoming these obstacles.

Having said that, I have little patience for people who spew out garbage and don't what they're talking about. As a analyst, it is his responsibility to familiarize himself with the opposition. If he isn't able to do that, then he should be replaced.

The same goes for Pat Hughes. That man can't call a game at all. He's just as bad at remembering important information about players. It's obvious that he doesn't read up on what other teams are doing. When the Sox were playing in Wrigley, he didn't even know that Foulke had been domoted. Everyone else who covered the Sox was aware of this fact. I wonder what his problem was.

MattSharp
06-29-2002, 09:30 PM
Truly amazing VC. But you spelled "off" as "of" a couple times :P

But I think I will be printing this out or at least passing it on.....

voodoochile
06-29-2002, 09:39 PM
Originally posted by MattSharp
Truly amazing VC. But you spelled "off" as "of" a couple times :P

But I think I will be printing this out or at least passing it on.....

Fixed and fixed... thanks, every writer needs an editor to make sure the details are right.

Thanks for all the nice statements people...

Go Sox!!!

Soxheads
06-29-2002, 10:06 PM
That's it, voodoo moves up to #1 on my favorite posters list.
1. voodoo
2. West
3. daver
4. George
5. em
6. Spiffy
7. RPS
8. Jer
9. WinningUgly
10. Gash

I am going to tell that as a bedtime story to my kids when I get older. :cool:

sox_fan_forever
06-29-2002, 10:08 PM
That was great! I think I am also going to print that out.

:)

doublem23
06-29-2002, 10:57 PM
LMAO, voodoo (but you got the year wrong).

HawkDJ
06-29-2002, 11:02 PM
Originally posted by voodoochile

Fixed and fixed... thanks, every writer needs an editor to make sure the details are right.


Well you asked for it....You should change the year to 2002, I think that would be more appropriate. :D:

voodoochile
06-29-2002, 11:19 PM
Originally posted by doublem23
LMAO, voodoo (but you got the year wrong).


Originally posted by HawkDJ2k2


Well you asked for it....You should change the year to 2002, I think that would be more appropriate. :D:


No, see I wrote that last year when I was working as a Pshychic Friend.... er.... umm.... I mean, I really want it to be 2001, so I won't be 39 already, because being 39 means I am losing brain cells and can no longer remember how to spell 3 letter words or even what year it is...

Thanks guys, fixed that one too...

hsc1
06-29-2002, 11:22 PM
voodoo that was the greatest......

not to change the subject or anything though....did anyone notice that on a 900 degree sunfilled day shamme chose to wear long sleaves and a hood???? what exactly is he trying to hide anyhow???? i was roasting just looking at him all decked out in sweats while i was sitting there in a tank top and shorts dying in the heat....

cheeses_h_rice
06-30-2002, 01:11 AM
*****, VC.

You obviously put a lot of time and effort into this, and the result was pure poetry. This should definitely be immortalized somewhere within the bowels of WSI.

Plus, you were informative -- I had no idea Sham-ME struck out after Osuna worked a 3-0 count! That's our Sham-ME!

:gulp:

voodoochile
06-30-2002, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by cheeses_h_rice
*****, VC.

You obviously put a lot of time and effort into this, and the result was pure poetry. This should definitely be immortalized somewhere within the bowels of WSI.

Plus, you were informative -- I had no idea Sham-ME struck out after Osuna worked a 3-0 count! That's our Sham-ME!

:gulp:

It took about 1/2 hour maybe 45 minutes to write. I started with the original and used the computer to replace all the "Caseys" with "ShamME" to start then started bringing it up to date...

Actually, no, ShamME was down in the count 1-2 at one point before k'ing on a high outside changeup on a full count. Like the original, this was more poetic. I was trying to maintain the emotional feel of the original while updating it for our free-swinging nemisis, so I took some poetic license. Besides, as someone once said, "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story"...

Here's another version, more up to date, shorter and more to the point...

Scalped seats to the game: $100
Beer and hot dogs: $50
Sox caps and t-shirts: $125
Watching ShamME strikeout with 2 outs in the ninth on a high outside changeup with a full count and the tying run on third: PRICELESS

:D:

gdcobb
06-30-2002, 11:23 AM
Voodoo - is the man. Great art moves a man's soul - I think I am going to cry. On to the game, and victory.

oldcomiskey
06-30-2002, 11:35 AM
Im gonna post it all over the net--including the cws.com board and the cub board--great work

CubKilla
06-30-2002, 01:32 PM
Truly a good read. After Shammy whiffed on Saturday, believe it or not, I heard a few sCrUB fans exclaim that, "..... Shammy SUCKS in pressure situations" (including one that I went to the game with). A smattering of sCrUBBIE faithful seem to be coming to grips with what we already know.

doublem23
06-30-2002, 02:52 PM
Originally posted by CubKilla
Truly a good read. After Shammy whiffed on Saturday, believe it or not, I heard a few sCrUB fans exclaim that, "..... Shammy SUCKS in pressure situations" (including one that I went to the game with). A smattering of sCrUBBIE faithful seem to be coming to grips with what we already know.

Wait until he hits another homer. They'll all be back on the bandwagon.