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View Full Version : My attempt at an Onion article about the AL Central


samurai_sox
10-12-2009, 04:29 AM
Breaking News...

The Chicago White Sox, Detroit Tigers, Cleveland Indians, and Kansas City Royals have reached an agreement to not allow the Minnesota Twins from representing the AL Central in the Major League Baseball postseason from now on. The very predictable struggles of the Twins in the postseason has hit a boiling point with the other occupants of the AL Central. The 4 teams have agreed to that in the event that the Twins end up with the best record in the AL Central at the conclusion of the regular season the playoff spot will be automatically awarded to the second place team in the division. "We're sick and tired of Minnesota wasting a perfectly good playoff spot.", said White Sox GM Ken Williams. "Its the same **** every time and if they (Minnesota) don't want to show up in the playoffs, then they should give someone else a chance." remarked Sox manager Ozzie Guillen. When Cleveland Indians GM Mark Shapiro was reached for comment, he had only the following to add, "I'm all for the move, but I doubt we will be able to compete for even second place any time soon." Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski was unavailable for comment but Tigers manager Jim Leyland was able to make a statement, "I love it, it will give me a chance to keep my managerial position for at least another year, lord knows social security ain't what it used to be. Now if you'll excuse me I have to meet Miguel Cabrera at the bar, he challenged me to a drink off, I haven't backed away from one in 45 years, there's no way in hell I'm going to now." The Royals were included in the plan because the other clubs were convinced that should Kansas City reach the postseason they would most likely put up more of a fight than Minnesota. Finally, as expected the Minnesota Twins were not happy with the new arrangement. "We're going to fight this, Bud Selig is going to hear about this." said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire nervously "Sure the man tried to contract our team back in 2002, but I think he'll understand."

guillensdisciple
10-12-2009, 05:08 AM
Though I never find onion articles funny, I do like their attempt to be funny. I give you an A for effort, and the fact that you are doing a backward slap to the face to the Twinkies.

Bravo.

mzh
10-12-2009, 11:00 AM
I would suggest even mailing it in to some of their writers, this is a convincingly onion-esque piece. Excellent!

munchman33
10-12-2009, 11:12 AM
When I first saw the thread title I was like "this is going to be stupid."

But this was actually pretty good. Kudos.

samurai_sox
10-12-2009, 12:59 PM
Thanks everyone, I checked out the Contact page on the Onion and it states (in bold I might add) that editorial submissions of any kind are not accepted. But thanks for the remarks! Glad you guys enjoyed it.

soxinem1
10-12-2009, 01:06 PM
Thanks everyone, I checked out the Contact page on the Onion and it states (in bold I might add) that editorial submissions of any kind are not accepted. But thanks for the remarks! Glad you guys enjoyed it.

Send it anyway to a writer. Maybe you'll make it in there!

voodoochile
10-12-2009, 01:10 PM
Good stuff...