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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Minnesota Melodrama

September 3rd vs. the Minnesota Twins

Toon Squad Update:
Charlie Brown
The paragon of bad baseball, Charlie Brown's team lost spectacularly. Sort of like the Sox tonight.

Short Take:James Shields and Jacob Turner handed the Twins 11 runs in only three innings as the Sox Lost (with a capital L) 11-3 in Minneapolis.

The bottom of the division apparently is a comfortable place, because the Sox and Twins both seem to like it there. The Sox lost to the bottom-dwelling Minnesotans 11-3 in a pitch-poor melodrama.

Starter James Shields is now 3-and-10 since joining the White Sox. Whatever big-game mojo he had in the past has left without a forwarding address.

The Bridgeport big boys got on the board first, in the first, in the first at-bat. Adam Eaton timed a changeup from Twinkie starter Hector Santiago and sent it into the right-field seats for an early 1-0 lead. All's well, except that Shields was pitching tonight. He gave up a leadoff homer of his own to Brian Dozier to quickly tie the game 1-1. The Sox took the lead back 2-1 in the second, but the ice fishermen raised the bet in the bottom of the second to make it 3-2.

The curtain rose on a comic opera in the third inning, involving 13 hitters. It would take too long to publish the whole libretto, so we'll just provide the stage directions:

  • Enter James Shields, stage left.
  • Trevor Plouffe base on balls.
  • Max Kepler pops out. One out.
  • Miguel Sano homers. Plouffe and Sano run downstage to score. 5-2 Twins.
  • Eddie Rosario base on balls.
  • Exit James Shields, stage left.
  • Enter Jacob Turner from behind curtain.
  • Juan Centeno singles. Rosario runs downstage, is out at home. Two outs.
  • Byron Buxton doubles, Centeno to third.
  • Brian Dozier reaches first on throwing error by Todd Frazier upstage. Centeno scores. 6-2 Twins.
  • Dozier steals second.
  • Jorge Polanco hits ground-rule double. Buxton and Dozier run downstage to score. 8-2 Twins.
  • Joe Mauer base on balls.
  • Trevor Plouffe returns, stage right, hits home run. Polanco, Mauer, and Plouffe run downstage to score. 11-2 Twins.
  • Max Kepler returns, stage right, singles.
  • Miguel Sano returns, stage right, draws base on balls.
  • Eddie Rosario returns, stage right, flies out to left. Three outs.
  • Curtain.

It could be worse, you know. Charlie Brown managed a team that once lost 600 to 0; in an eerie echo of Jose Quintana, Peppermint Patty once pitched a no-hitter and hit five home runs, but they still lost 37-5. It's worth mentioning that that was a fictional team in a comic strip. The team we're following is currently playing in one of the Major Leagues.

It would be easy to pile on Shields and Turner, but that's already been done and it hasn't made any difference anyway. Shields is at a possible end-of-career point, which is too bad for all of us because the Sox are on the hook for many millions of dollars with the guy. Turner? I just feel sorry for him. The poor guy can't pitch, except batting practice.

The otherwise feckless South Siders got a consolation run in the sixth on Melky Cabrera's solo homer. Whatever.

I can only conclude that the division bottom must really be that comfortable place. Like flounders, the Twins dwell at the bottom, feeding on the debris of teams like the White Sox. The Sox, for their part, apparently want to share the joy of a muddy bed with their Twin City colleagues.


That's all folks:
Charlie Brown couldn't pitch, either.

submitted by tebman.

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Totally Biased Game Recaps

September 29... The Last (And Lost) Weekend

September 24... Covey Captivates, but Kluber Cruises

September 22... At Least They Won't Clinch Here

September 18...Klubered, but Not Clobbered

September 16... Baltimore Blanked

September 10... Thrown Away

September 8... Anaheim Annihilation

September 3... Power Special

September 1... 18 Strikeouts Later, the White Sox Lose

August 30...Leaky Bullpen Bombed by Boston

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