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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Cy Chen Does It Again

September 29 vs. Kansas City Royals

Today's Game Rating:
Nothing good about a loss in the last game of a terrible season.

Short Take: In typical 2013 White Sox fashion, Sox can’t muster enough offense to overcome a couple of 2-run homers off Jose Quintana; Royals beat Sox 4-1.

It’s a bittersweet day for White Sox fans as this dreadful season finally ends. Many of us long ago turned our attention to the Bears, or the Blackhawks, or the Bulls, or whatever other sport catches our fancy.

But for those of us still paying attention to the Sox, the last game of the season followed the same game plan that most of the season did. Jose Quintana had a decent outing, going 7 innings and giving up 6 hits. However, twice he walked a hitter and gave up a dinger to the next batter. Those four runs were enough to do the Sox in against notorious White Sox killer Bruce “Cy” Chen. He held the Sox to 4 hits and 1 run over 6.2 innings, and the Royals bullpen shut them down as well. The one Sox run scored came via an Alexei Rameriz home run in the 4th inning.

The Sox appeared to have a pulse in the bottom of the 9th, loading up the bases against closer Greg Holland on an Avi Garcia single, Jordan Danks walk, and a Dayan Viciedo single. But Gordon Beckham and Marcus Semien each struck out to end the game.

The White Sox finished the season with a 63-99 record, dead last in the AL Central, and the third worst team in baseball (better only than the Houston Astros and the Miami Marlins).

And we may have seen the last game for one of the most popular White Sox players ever. In the last day of his contract with the White Sox, Paul Konerko started the game at first base, batted once (he popped out in foul territory), and then exited the game in the 2nd inning to a rousing standing ovation from fans and players alike. Konerko has stated that he will take a month off to decompress and think about whether he wants to retire or play another year. Personally, I believe that if the White Sox decide they’d like him back next year, Paul will opt for one more tour of duty in 2014.

And so ends a season of White Sox baseball that was much like sitting through that four-hour movie that you didn’t really want to see, but your spouse did; so you sat through it, trying not to look at your watch or check Twitter or WSI, stuffing your face with buttered popcorn, and wishing you'd seen this review before you went:

ominous voice-over: "In a world...where bats are flailed and cutoff men are missed...25 one one town...hold the key. From the producers of They Wore White Sox and Dude, Where's My Bat? comes the gripping story of a team that lost its grip:

The Longest Year

"It's a story that crosses generations...a tale of baseball badness that touches every facet of the game....featuring a Not-All-Star cast!"


The Delivery Boys
Chris Sale...Ace (of) Ventura
Jose Quintana...The Bad-Luck Loser
Hector Santiago...The Screwgie
John Danks...The Bad-Wing Man
Erik Johnson...Late to the Funeral


The Clean-up Crew
Dylan Axelrod...The Bad News Bear
Matt Lindstrom...Dependable -- Sometimes
Donnie Veal...Usually Cooked, Often Overdone
Ramon Troncosco...The Short Shrifter
Nate Jones...Bringing the Wild Heat
Brian Omogrosso...OhNoOmogrosso
Addison Reed...The Gray-Hair Inducer

And Introducing:

Those Too New to Stew, or Roast
Andre Rienzo...The Brazilian Breaking-Baller
Jake Petricka...The September Setup Stallion
Daniel Webb...The Too-Late Reliever
Charlie Leesman...The Cup-O'-Coffee Candidate
David Purcey...Always Room for One More

With Those Lovable Rogues, The Fielders:

Featuring Paul Konerko...Captain, My Captain, as the Farewell Tour Guide
Alejandro De Aza...Lead Base-Running Gaffer
Gordon Beckham...Crispy Bacon
Alexei Ramirez...Brain Cramp Champ
Adam Dunn...King K, The Wind Machine
Conor Gillapsie...Flashes of...Something
Jeff Keppinger...Not Quite The Man We Thought He Was
Dayan Viciedo...Tanks for Nothing
Jordan Danks...The Other Danks for Nothing
Avi Garcia...The Mini-Miggie -- Straight From Motown's October Show
Tyler Flowers...Not Blooming, Not Drawing Flies
Josh Phegley...Phuture Probable Non-Hall of Phamer
Leury Garcia...Speedy Gonzalez
Marcus Semien...The Hot Corner Man

Based on a Story by

Jake Peavy...The Boston Bulldog
Alex Rios...The Texas Gazelle
Jesse Crain...Who Knew it Hurt to Pitch for the Sox
Matt Thornton...The Gas-less One-Pitch
Caspar Wells...Gone, But Not Remembered
Gavin Floyd...The One-Armed Bandit
Dewayne Wise...The Catch
With Minimal Contributions by:
Angel Sanchez...Uh, Thanks
Brent Morel...The Chiropractor's Best Friend
Hector Gimenez...The Backup's Backup
Blake Tekotte...We Hardly Knew Ye
Tyler Green...Who?

Special guest appearances by:

AJ Pierzynski...Missed You, Man
Mark Buerhle...Him, Too

Executive Crapfest Producer:

Rick Hahn

Director of Mayhem (alternating with Apathy):

Robin Ventura

Assistant Directors of Pitching and Bullpen Implosions:

Don Cooper
Bobby Thigpen

Assistant Directors of Base-running Buffoonery:

Mark Parent
Harold Baines
Daryl Boston
Joe McEwing

Director of Offense? What Offense?

Jeff Manto
Harold Baines

Director of ... We Don't Know Exactly What, But It's Pretty Cool Anyway:

Jim Thome

Sound Production (When The Sox were Worth Talking About):

Hawk Harrelson
Steve Stone
Ed Farmer
Darrin Jackson

The Critics Say:

"I laughed! I cried! I fell asleep!" -- D.J. Farmer, Bridgeport Bugle

"Almost as exciting as 'Waiting for Godot'!" -- Sarah Bellum, Armour Square Shopper

"What the hell is going on? Did somebody pay for this?" -- Deb and Tom, Internet Board Bawler

See you in 2014. And may this movie never, ever, EVER, generate even a thought of a sequel.

Hawk and Stoney's Thumb Guide:
Stone: Hawk, I just want to say that your thumb, even though it's pointed down, belongs in the Ford C. Frick Hall of Fame. Hawk: Well, thank you, Steve, and someday your thumb will be there too, pointed down right next to mine.

submitted by ChiSoxGal85 and tebman. Thank you, and good night!

Sox Clubhouse "Pick to Click" Winner

Alexei Rameriz

2 for 3 with a solo HR - the Sox's only run

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Totally Biased Game Recaps

September 29... The Last (And Lost) Weekend

September 24... Covey Captivates, but Kluber Cruises

September 22... At Least They Won't Clinch Here

September 18...Klubered, but Not Clobbered

September 16... Baltimore Blanked

September 10... Thrown Away

September 8... Anaheim Annihilation

September 3... Power Special

September 1... 18 Strikeouts Later, the White Sox Lose

August 30...Leaky Bullpen Bombed by Boston

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