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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

The Incredible Shrinking Team

April 30th vs. the Baltimore Orioles

Levels Finished:
Alex Rios got a solo homer in the ninth, Phil Humber pitched well for seven innings, but the team could only make it up the first ladder with barrels a-flying.

Short Take:The White Sox can't hit and the bullpen can't pitch. Phil Humber deserved better than a 6-2 loss against the Orioles.

There was a popcorn-and-poodle-skirt movie made in 1957 titled "The Incredible Shrinking Man". The story had to do with a hapless fellow who was exposed to a combination of radiation and insecticide that caused him to become smaller and smaller. Describing his ordeal he said, "I was continuing to shrink, to become... what? The infinitesimal? What was I? Still a human being?" At the end he was fighting for his life against a spider.

That piece of sparkling American cinema occurred to me tonight as I watched the White Sox lose 6-2 against the Baltimore Orioles. The Sox are now 10-18 and have shrunk to the bottom of the Central Division. If Ozzie Guillen could keep himself under 140 characters he might have tweeted something pithy like the valedictory quoted above. The White Sox continue to shrink, to become... what? A very bad team, that's what.

Where to begin? Phil Humber started and did a fine job. He went seven innings, giving up two runs on only three hits. Five strikeouts too. But as has been their wont the last couple of weeks, the Sox could not score enough runs to even compete, let alone win, and that leaves a starter with nothing to show for a good effort. The only real trouble Humber had was in the first when Brian Roberts led off with a double and tagged up to third on a flyout. He scored on a wild pitch by Humber, which was annoying but was only one run. The other run was a homer by Robert Andino in the third. There were five strikeouts along the way, and for seven innings of a Major League ballgame that's a pretty good night.

But then Matt Thornton came in to pitch the eighth. I feel sorry for Thornton, I really do. The old comic strip "Li'l Abner" had a character named Joe Btfsplk who was a natural jinx. He brought such bad fortune that he even had his own tiny dark cloud that followed him around. Thornton has become the Joe Btfsplk of the White Sox. Tonight, in 1/3rd of an inning, he gave up two broken-bat singles, a dropped third strike, a wild pitch, a walk, a single, and a sacrifice fly, all of which resulted in four runs for the Orioles.

From making the All-Star team last year to becoming this year's gas can, Matt Thornton could be cast as the lead in "The Incredible Shrinking Man".

But he's not the whole story. Situational hitting has become such a foreign concept for the White Sox that I wonder if they might need a Berlitz course to learn new words like "drag bunt", "advance the runner", and "score when bases are loaded with no outs". I don't want to elaborate on the hitters' non-performance tonight because it's too depressing. Suffice it to say that they should've scored at least four more runs, probably more.

Ozzie's supposed to be back tomorrow, so we should at least be entertained. I'll leave the last word to our hero from the first paragraph, The Incredible Shrinking Man: "And I felt my body dwindling, melting, becoming nothing. My fears melted away. And in their place came acceptance. All this vast majesty of creation, it had to mean something."

I hope to hell he's right.

Ozzio's Game Rant:
"Hey! I wasn't there! How do you work this #%*@# tweety thing anyway?"

submitted by tebman.

Sox Clubhouse "Pick to Click" Winner

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3-for-4 at the plate and as Daver says, he did his job. Pity that the rest of the team didn't follow.

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Totally Biased Game Recaps

September 29... The Last (And Lost) Weekend

September 24... Covey Captivates, but Kluber Cruises

September 22... At Least They Won't Clinch Here

September 18...Klubered, but Not Clobbered

September 16... Baltimore Blanked

September 10... Thrown Away

September 8... Anaheim Annihilation

September 3... Power Special

September 1... 18 Strikeouts Later, the White Sox Lose

August 30...Leaky Bullpen Bombed by Boston

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