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August 1st vs. the New York Yankees

KW's Daily Special:
New York Stripped Steak
The White Sox tenderize the Yankees 14-4 in a dominating performance by the entire squad. Nice work, gentlemen!

Short Take:The Yankees threw batting practice today, as the White Sox win 14-4 on the triumphant South Side.

The operators of Kenny's Burger Joint have long been impatient with east-coast grandees and their pretensions. Today the New York Yankees, the embodiment of self-importance, learned how it goes down on the South Side as the White Sox for the third time in a row defeated the haughty poseurs 14-4 on a cloudy afternoon.

John Danks started the game, no doubt flush with adrenaline after learning of the arrival of Jake Peavy. In the first inning, after retiring Derek Jeter on a flyout and Nick Swisher on strikeout, Mark Teixeira got a hit to the right field. Showing the sense of entitlement that has affected the Yankees for generations, Teixeira thought he deserved a double. But Jermaine Dye thought otherwise and made a textbook throw to second that was waiting for Teixeira when he arrived. The Yankee second inning was unremarkable except for a terrible throw by shortstop Jason Nix, subbing for the injured Alexei Ramirez. The error allowed the wealthy and chemically-enhanced Alex Rodriguez to get to second base, but Danks' persistent strike-throwing got him out of the inning without a run.

Ah, but the White Sox second inning! Where to begin? These vagabond shoes are longing to stray, right through the very heart of it: New York, New York. It started quietly enough as Paul Konerko led off with a flyout to right. But then the conga line began as A.J. Pierzynski singled, followed by a Carlos Quentin single, followed by a Chris Getz single, loading the bases for Jason Nix. Nix saw the opportunity laid before him and strode to the plate with menace in his eyes, surveyed every pitch, and mightily, heroically...walked. Pierzynski scored on Nix's hitless RBI. Scott Podsednik came to the plate and drove in two more runs on a hit to right. With Podsednik at second and Nix on third, 2009 prodigy Gordon Beckham doubled, sending both runners home. Next Jermaine Dye singled home Beckham. Everybody into the pool! Jim Thome hit a grounder to second, followed by Konerko's second appearance of the inning, in which he grounded out to end the parade.

When the New York Nabobs looked up, they saw the score was 6-0 Sox after two innings. This was even more noteworthy because the Gotham starter was A.J. Burnett, who had been practically awarded the win before the game started by the sycophantic media barkers who live only to coronate the Yankees and Red Sox.

The yankers scored two runs in their third inning after an inexplicable leadoff walk to Jerry Hairston, Jr., a double by the annoying Jeter and a single by Teixeira, who wisely chose to stay at first this time. But Danks stayed in command and kept the impudent tycoons at bay for several more innings.

The Sox picked up another run in the fifth as Konerko was hit by a Burnett pitch, followed by a single from Pierzynski, then another single from Getz, bringing Jason Nix to the plate again with the bases loaded. Burnett, apparently enraged by the White Sox' unwillingness to show the Yankees the deference they feel they deserve, again walked Nix, who collected his second hitless RBI. Walk right in, Jason! No appointment necessary! That was all for the humbled Burnett, who was replaced by Brian Bruney. 7-2 Sox after five.

Danks seemed to lose the instruction manual in the sixth, as he gave up a leadoff double to Alex Rodriguez, though I don't know how anyone can run all the way to second with all that cash in his pockets. Two walks followed, and a single by Hairston drove in Rodriguez from third. Only one run scored after all that, thanks largely by a heads-up play by (The) Carlos Quentin, who faked a catch of Hairston's single and threw out the bemused Posada at third. 7-3 Sox in the sixth.

The New York Insufferables scored one more time in the seventh on a Jeter single off the glove of Mark Kotsay at first, who came in to pinch-run for Konerko in the sixth and was now playing first. A later single to Thurston J. Rodriguez scored Jeter. Danks was off the books after this, as Tony Pena and Randy Williams finished off the inning. The Sox also got another run in their seventh as Getz singled and promptly stole second, followed by a steal of third. A single by the irrepressible Podsednik drove in Getz, making it 8-4 Sox after seven.

In the Sox eighth the parade began again. Thome and Konerko both singled in succession, followed by a Pierzynski double, which, incredibly, scored Jim Thome. Never underestimate the speed of that chugging locomotive! T. Carlos Quentin was intentionally walked to load the bases and was replaced by pinch-runner Dewayne Wise. Chris Getz grounded out to first, scoring Konerko. Since Jason Nix had been an RBI machine walking in two runs in two previous plate appearances, he was intentionally walked to load the bases again. But Scott Podsednik, obviously a student of Nix's RBI techniques, drew a walk and drove in Pierzynski. Glorious Gordon Beckham doubled, again, driving in two more runs. Jermaine Dye ended it with a groundout, but not before the Sox had batted around again and score six more runs. Now it's 14-4 Sox after eight, and the Yankee-fan ticket-broker customers began leaving the building. A pity they left, because had they stayed they would have seen the triumphant return of Bobby Jenks, who came in to pitch the ninth.

Now, a ten-run lead is not a save situation, but anybody who's passed a kidney stone deserved a shot on the mound, dontcha think? Clearly Ozzie Guillen thought so and let Bad Bobby get in some work. And work he did, as he dispatched the top of the larded, overpaid Yankee batting order on three little ground balls. After 3-1/2 hours, it was almost a relief to end the Yankees' suffering.

I don't care how pricey their menu is, or how exotic their pedigree. The Yankees' snooty and reservation-only restaurant can't compete with the bill of fare at Kenny's Burger Joint, where the griddle is hot and the hits are hotter. Give my regards to Broadway, you twits.

Critic's Corner:
Four stars, two thumbs up, and the South Side Medal of Heroism for deflating the Yankee balloon.

submitted by tebman.

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Scott Podsednik

3-for-5 with a walk, 4 RBIs, making it happen and taking names. He's a mean motor scooter and bad go-getter!

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Totally Biased Game Recaps

September 29... The Last (And Lost) Weekend

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September 18...Klubered, but Not Clobbered

September 16... Baltimore Blanked

September 10... Thrown Away

September 8... Anaheim Annihilation

September 3... Power Special

September 1... 18 Strikeouts Later, the White Sox Lose

August 30...Leaky Bullpen Bombed by Boston

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