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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

I H8 This Offense!

May 13th @ California Angels

"These ain't your daddy's White Sox... We're going to keep going after a championship as aggressively as we can."

KW's Hole Cards:
Kojak
King John's army let him down tonight!

Short Take:Sox bats keep offending our pitching staff, this time being blanked by the Halos 2-0.

Call the Chicago Police! Call the FBI! Call the National Guard! Another group of Major League pitchers have stolen our Sox' bats and are holding them for ransom! While every four-lettered word was being used with routine in households across Chicagoland during the top of each inning, a team that can't even decide what city they play for got just enough in the knick of time, besting our Sox 2-0.

John Danks was cruising pretty much through the first six frames, returning to the dugout after each without being majorly threatened. Meanwhile, Jered Weaver was pretty much unhittable even though he has been struggling for virtually the entire season. It figures that our Palehose's bats couldn't get anything against him! They seem to be the perfect medicine for slumping starters.

Feeling the weight of the entire team upon his shoulders, Danks left the game in the underside of the seventh frame, handing the game over to Octavio Dotel, with the bases juiced and one out. Dotel proceded to K both Erick Aybar and Vladdy Guerrero to end the frame with no damage. Unfortunately, the next frame would prove to be lethal for our Beloved. Torii Hunter singled to start off the eighth and was sent home on a sac fly by Mike Napoli. Before our Sox returned to the dugout, they gave up another run to Garret Anderson on a single by Robb Quinlan.

You just KNEW at that time that our Sox weren't going to win this one. Yea, TCQ doubled with one out (take a bow, Mr. "Sox' Only Consistent Hitter"); but, absolutely no scoring threats of any kind were present in this one! For the record, it wouldn't matter if this team brought back Mike Caruso, Chris Snopek, and Lyle Mouton. They couldn't hit any worse! You have to feel bad for Danks, who would probably be screwed even if he were to throw a no-hitter!

In other news...the National Guard has just contacted me to inform all Sox fans that they are calling a press conference tomorrow night at 9:05 pm to discuss the latest news in their attempts to recover the Palehose's lost bats. That meeting will be televised on Comcast Sports Net. Stay tuned!

WSI's
Quest For the Final Table Update:
How the hell can they win a hand when they can't even sit in their chair right? Someone get this offense a Big Bird booster seat QUICK!


submitted by chisoxfanatic.

Sox Clubhouse "Pick to Click" Winner

John Danks

Has every right to have a Buehrle-like tantrem on tonight's starting lineup, baseball bat and all!

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