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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Chips' Top 40 Countdown

June 5 vs The Yankees

Back to the Grind,
or Just Grinded?

Today's Sox cut of meat:
Meatless like our team

Short Take:   What a time to be alive!

Back to the Grind Update:
  Hmmm, our only Grinder is on the DL. Pass

#40 All the eyes in the crowd were focused on Rookie Clippard in the fourth inning. He tossed a fastball over the plate WITH LOVE as Mack lined one up the middle scoring Jermaine Dye.

#39 After the run, Torre trotted out to the mound, only to tell his ace I'LL STAND BY YOU.

#38 Clippard retired the next two fools for THE SWEET ESCAPE out of the inning

#37 Buerhle entered the fifth, an RBI single to $750,000 and he was getting all sweated up. WIPE ME DOWN he told Cooper during his annual visit to the mound.

#36 Still in the fifth, $750,000, looking to steal, sprinted from the bag towards second base. The throw from AJ and Uribe laid him out. GET IT SHAWTY Uribe bellowed as a disgruntled Cairo walked back to the dugout.

#35 Enter the top of the sixth. EVERYTHING. fell apart.

#34 $13,000,000 led off with a double down the line. $21,600,000 hit a single. Abreu got hit, they scored. Almost like Mark didn't care, but IF EVERYONE CARED, we'd win too many games

#33 What really TICKS the crowd off is the ensuing home run from $27,708,525.

#32 Mark Buehrle looked like a CANDYMAN giving up six hits in the sixth

#31 Looking like an easy out, Logan fields a ball and overflips Konerko at first. Logan needs to understand that U & UR HAND throw a ball better than a glove.

We'll be right back to finish the countdown after this commercial break
Sitting with her husband and children in Section 128 sat a Yankees fan. An fair lass with doves' eyes and hair like a flock of goats. Her teeth like a flock of sheep, her lips like a thread of scarlet, her speech was comely and her temples were like a piece of a pomegranate within her locks. Her neck like the Tower of David built for an armory. Her breasts like two young roes that are twins feeding amongst the lillies. Whilest I gandered at her, the crowd was singing in tune to "R-O-W-D-I-E." My once fortunate amazement turned to discontent as she exclaimed "That's not how you spell rowdy!"

#30 The Sox were two for ten with runners in scoring position. CUPID'S CHOKEHOLD must have gotten ahold of them

#29 Rob Mackowiak was the man tonight, batting in two of the three runs scored. Dye remarked to him "we'd be "LOST WITHOUT YOU".

#28 Mack looking LIKE A BOY pointed to the scoreboard showing that the Sox were losing.

#27 Back to the seventh, DON'T MATTER

#26 Jump back to inning numbe two and with two outs, Mack and Uribe drew walks and it appeared the sox had a BIG THING POPPIN' Cintron was up and he was gonna (DO IT)

#25 Well Cintron popped out and mumbled "I TRIED" as he tossed his helmet towards the dugout.

#24 Back to the eighth inning, with the bases juiced, and the SOX only score one run. Ed Farmer said a bloop and a blast and the Sox are back in it. He's a BEAUTIFUL LIAR.

#23 In the fourth inning, the Sox scored on an RBI single from Mack, everyone in attendance gets a free coffee at Dunkin Donuts. I'm taking mine STRAIGHT TO THE BANK

#22 DO YOU KNOW (THE PING PONG SONG)? $27,708,525 doesn't because all he does is hit home runs.

#21 Shake your body, ROCK YO HIPS, whatever. Just look alive out there, Cintron.

We interrupt this again for another commercial break
It's time again for the Connie's Pizza Race! Tonight's race features the happy go lucky Cheese slice, the emotional and unpredictable Sausage slice and also the stoned and high slice of Pepporini. The three leave the gate and head down the road. Cheese takes an early lead, yada yada yada, Sausage wins.

#20 BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY was a good song.

#19 Buerhle was looking to MAKE A MEMORY with win number 100 in the career this evening.

#18 NEVER AGAIN is the name of Paul Konerko's Yacht.

#17 ANYWAY Mark can't seem to beat the Yankees.

#16 THROW SOME D'S, make that K's bullpen!

#15 All in all, Mack did look GLAMOROUS in the game.

#14 Logan retires a batter in the eighth and Ozzie has seen enough, he storms to the mound, looks at the ball and screams GIVE IT TO ME, Logan does so and it's time for Day

#13 YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME is the #13 single in America right now.

#12 Day is excited about pitching again "THIS IS MY NOW" can be heard as he retired a few hitters.

#11 POP, LOCK & DROP IT, whatever, just hit the damn ball with men on base.

We'll be right back after these messages
Alright folks, it's time for the McDonald's Corporate Race. Big Mac, McGriddle and Fries. Big Mac wins. McDonald's is great. Everyone in Section 518 received a free Big Mac. Granted that was weeks ago.


#9 The Sox can use the excuse that is was cold and that's why the stunk it up, maybe some SUMMER LOVE will get the bats hitting.

#8 WHAT I'VE DONE is lose the game said a dejected Mark after failing to get win number 100, again.

#7 The fans in the stands stared at KW in the owner's box and screamedBECAUSE OF YOU, our bullpen sucks.

#6 It's a good thing Cintron has an understanding GIRLFRIEND, otherwise he would have been dumped after his 0-4 night.

When we come back, we'll count down your top five moments from the game
Please take this time to go throw a wazz. It's not good to read on a full bladder

#5 The Sox lost at HOME 7-3.


#3 After the game Ozzie may have said "It MAKES ME WONDER if Mark is ever gonna win #100"

#2 "But when he does win that elusive game, he's gonna PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR

One more break and we'll be back with your number one play
Shoot up to the tail innings of the game. Sitting is Section 128, row 28 was a fivesome of high school alley cats. Dressed in red like Trotsky, Lenin, Khrushchev and Engels these foolish tools sent forth and army of peanuts shells into row 126. With vains popping from his neck and the ire of an iron dragon, one of the attackees leaped forth cursing out the childish kids. One fool, in particular wearing his pants like Eazy-E sat there taking this yelling. Crazy dude walked back to his seat and the young punk gets up afterwards shooting stoopid words at the row of dudes. The old man turns around and also threatens to kick the young kid's ass. Words are exchanged and there are plans to finish off the scuffle after the game. A young boy about six or seven, maybe eight sitting in row 30 wanted to instigate the fight further by throwing peanuts at the old guys and blamming it on the kids. Instead the kids aided Mr. Bradley and Mr. Yoda in showering me in peanut shells.

#1 We hope you brought your UMBRELLA because it rained on Monday.

submitted by Chips.

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Totally Biased Game Recaps

September 29... The Last (And Lost) Weekend

September 24... Covey Captivates, but Kluber Cruises

September 22... At Least They Won't Clinch Here

September 18...Klubered, but Not Clobbered

September 16... Baltimore Blanked

September 10... Thrown Away

September 8... Anaheim Annihilation

September 3... Power Special

September 1... 18 Strikeouts Later, the White Sox Lose

August 30...Leaky Bullpen Bombed by Boston

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