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Suckers for Magglio!

by Sox Since '70

I remember my younger sister's wedding in 1996.A great affair, fun had by all. After the dinner, as desert was being served, my Dad got picked up a microphone.
He told the guests (jokingly, of course) that my sister was no longer his problem.  Anything she needed she could get from her husband. There were no returns or
Exchanges on this merchandise (my dad is a retailer). The guests laughed and had a great time.
 I thought about this as I drove home late Saturday afternoon. I'd heard the story on the radio. The clubhouse cancer fromerly known as Magglio Ordonez had signed a 5 year, $75 Million deal with the Tigers.   This did not shock or surprise me.  The signing had been imminent for about a month.  And yes, there are out clauses in case Ordonez's knee is still injured (or gets injured again).
 But this transaction brought to mind the words of PT Barnum (the Barnum in "Barnum and Bailey's Circus"):  "There's a sucker born every minute".
 Apparently, in this case, two of them; Tigers owner Mike Illitch and Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski.  These two bought the package of manure sold to them by
Scott Boras lock, stock and barrel.  Did Ordonez ever work out for the Tigers??  There's no mention of it in the "Yahoo!" story I saw online.  We'll never know.
 There are several questions for Sox fans to ponder here:
- What did the Tigers know??
- When did they know it??
- Will Ordonez be healthy in 2005??
- How will "Gagglio" like playing 81 games at Comerica Park, a place where fly balls go to die?? 

This is no launching pad whether you shorten the fences or not.  Ordonez can expect to be greeted by one syllable when he returns to Sox Park in '05 (providing he's not on the disabled list by then):

 I, for one, will now refer to him as "Gagglio".  It turns out Jerry Seinfled was right.  During one of his opening monologues for the "Seinfeld" show (it's not the first 3 seasons), he said he found it funny that when players get traded from one team to another, the guy who was a hero last year is now the enemy.  Why?? The "enemy" is now wearing the wrong laundry."BOOOOOO!! WRONG LAUNDRY!!"
Yes, that's what it's come to, Sox fans; cheering Sox pinstripes, booing Tiger grays.  But there are many reasons for Sox fans to boo "Gaggs" when he returns this spring:
 -Firing agent Adam Katz and replacing him with $cott Bora$
- Telling Sox fans he wanted to retire a Sox player (but only if, as Bob Barker says, "The Price Is Right").
-Witholding X Rays and medical evidence from the Sox.  Yeah, why should other teams know he's healthy.  Can he field??  Slide??  Walk?? Hit?? Who knows??
Goodbye, "Gaggs".  Thanks for 1 lousy AL Central title, swinging from your ass when a single would do, and an anemic batting average in the 2000 ALDS.
 Your abscence allowed Kenny Williams to trade Carlos Lee for Scott Podsednik and Luis Vizcaino as well as signing free agents Jermaine Dye, Dustin Hermannson, Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez and Tadihito Iguchi.
Goodbye and good riddance, "Gagglio"!!!
 And don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, loser!!

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