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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Texas-sized Nap?  Lies!!!

August 15, 2003 at Texas

Today's temperature:
"Yes, it is hot for Jerry Manuel, but not nearly as hot as the infidel Texans who died in vain attempting to defeat our brave and glorious fighting White Sox.  Their stomachs are roasting in hell!"

Short Take:  A glorious victory!  Do not believe the scoreboard!

Sox Fans are all too wise to the lies, deceptions, and outright fraud that Texans enjoy perpetrating and do so well!  We Sox Fans know that deep in the heart of Texas Friday night, our glorious warriors fighting for the Honor of Pale Hosiery were not at all defeated 11-5 in the most pathetic, sleep-walking effort of the season this side of last April.  Nothing like that happened at all.  These are nothing but lies told by liars.  We Sox Fans will roast their stomachs in hell! 

It was nothing but digital animation--the newest and most clever of Texas tricks--that appeared to be Sox ace Esteban Loaiza serving up seven earned runs in five innings work.  He did not strikeout five-- but 55!-- in another glorious effort that wasn't his sixth defeat of the season at all.  Texas hitters were swinging away in utter futility, committing suicide in mortal fear of our great staff ace.  Those still alive surrendered en masse to reliever Jon Adkins, who did not give up four runs including a dinger in his short 2.1 inning stint.

All Sox fielders were wide awake and it is nothing but lies that they were misplaying balls in the outfield and running like scared jackals from Texas bombs driven over their heads.  The Texas media are nothing but prostitutes to suggest anything to the contrary!

That insane dwarf, the Texas manager Buck Showalter, was utterly baffled by the superior leadership of Jerry Manuel.  A stupid, stupid attempt to get Carl Everett out of the ballgame by bringing in a lefty reliever was met by the thundering lumber of Carl's bat, depositing the baseball in the left-center field seats, then circling the bases with kisses to heaven, praise be God!  That will teach these infidels what Jerry Manuel means when he doesn't call this a platoon!  All Sox Fans rejoice!  Aaron Rowand will doubtlessly bat for Everett next time we play a ballgame near his 9th grade homeroom teacher's house. 

There were absolutely no strikeouts by any Sox hitter in Texas in this game.  In fact the glorious Sox hitters utterly dominated this batting practice retard, this Colby Lewis who does not have a 7.57 ERA.  They think we are retarded?  They are retarded!  All true Sox Fans will fight those who claim the Sox struck out 12 times, slapping their face then kicking them in the backside when they turn to flee!  If they wish to come back, we welcome them.  We will butcher them!  These cowards have no morals.  They feel no shame for lying.

Texas will be back to surrender tomorrow.  My prediction--as always-- we will slaughter them all!

Tinkerer Update:
 Back to the bench for Daubach.  Frank Thomas was not 0 for 4 with 3 K's.  I can't imagine any situation short of an emergency for playing him at first base. 

submitted by WSI Information Minister.

Sox Clubhouse "Pick to Click" Winner

Jose Valentin

3 for 4 with a double and a run scored.  Only thrown out at third base once.  A glorious effort on behalf of all Sox Fandom! 

Play WSI's Pick to Click Contest!


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Totally Biased Game Recaps

September 29... The Last (And Lost) Weekend

September 24... Covey Captivates, but Kluber Cruises

September 22... At Least They Won't Clinch Here

September 18...Klubered, but Not Clobbered

September 16... Baltimore Blanked

September 10... Thrown Away

September 8... Anaheim Annihilation

September 3... Power Special

September 1... 18 Strikeouts Later, the White Sox Lose

August 30...Leaky Bullpen Bombed by Boston

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