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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Whining A's salvage one

May 5 vs. Oakland.  

Short take:  Art Howe, grow up.

Kenny Williams'
Stress Relief Odometer

Today's Mileage:
0
"Ah, I'll get going again on Monday."

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Inside
JERRY'S HEAD

Once upon a time, the Oakland Athletics were known as the "swingin' A's".  That was back in the Reggie Jackson and Catfish Hunter era.  They were three-time world champions.

Later the A's became the epitome of post-modern cool with the game's two biggest homerun stars, Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco.  The Bash Brothers led the A's to the pennant three consecutive years.

So what label to now hang on Art Howe's Oakland team?  We know they stand around waiting for walks, and swing strictly to reach the fences.  Lately they spend most of their time whining about perceived slights, and moral victories, the latter measured as salvaging one game out of three.  They'll win 54 games all season chasing that goal!

So it was Sunday that the Whining Oakland A's claimed victory by leaving Chicago with one victory after already losing two others.  The final was 3-2.  Now they can go back home and pretend their obnoxious showboating is okay--as long as they are the ones dishing it out.

Apparently Art Howe was upset Mark Buehrle made comments in the paper last week that perhaps the A's weren't quite as good as the three consecutive drubbings the Sox suffered would indicate.  Art is pouting that our Sox weren't laying down and joking about losing three games.  He didn't think much of Buehrle for the comments.

Sox Fans, please excuse Art Howe.  Mark Buehrle is a bit of a mystery to him, as any quality pitcher would be.  The only thing Art Howe knows about good pitching is that he could never hit it. 

Art stomped his little feet, stuck out his lip, and held his breath long enough to get the attention of starter Barry Zito.  Now he's whining, too.  "The Sox aren't showing us respect, so it was important to win this game, blah, blah, blah...

Oh brother.  Kettle, meet the pot!  What a gaggle of insufferable jerks these clowns from Oakland have revealed themselves to be!

Danny Wright was just wild enough to let these punks beat him.  The three earned runs were barely enough, because the Sox bullpen shut down the cherries the rest of the way. 

Unfortunately, Sox hitting was AWOL.  Kenny Lofton was out of the starting line up for a day of rest, so Ray Durham got to do a reprise of one of last year's 0 for 4 performances in the leadoff spot.  Tony Graffanino (!) got the #2 slot in Jerry Manuel's third base platoon over Jose Valentin, yesterday's hitting hero.  What a punchless attack this was!

The most noteworthy accomplishment of this loser line up was their nine strikeouts.  At least Frank Thomas hit a dinger, setting off the scoreboard for the kiddies getting authentic leather fielder's glove.

Off to Texas, and more hijinks with the A.L. West division.  The Twinkies couldn't handle Detroit, so we're still one-half games back.


George Bova is editor and founder of White Sox Interactive.

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Damaso Marte, Bob Howry, and Keith Foulke combined for 4.1 innings of no-hit shutout baseball, striking out six and walking none.  One of them stood to be the winner had the Sox offense mustered anything.

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