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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Can’t Think of Anything That Wouldn’t Get Me Banned

Aug. 26 vs Boston Red Sox

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Back to the Grind,
or Just Grinded?


Today's Sox cut of meat:
Italian beef laced with arsenic.
At least it would be over quickly, unlike this season.

Short Take: The only good thing I can say about this game is that it’s not anyone from Chandler’s fault (even DJ). Maybe we should draft that little league pitcher from Lubbock. Ya think?

Final score 11-1.

I feel like suffering today, so I’m actually going to follow this game. But I reserve the right to let my thoughts wander now and then.

(thinks to herself)Time to watch the Sox game. Oh, goody!

First inning, neither team scores.

Second inning, both teams score.

(thinks to herself)”Why am I watching this when I could be watching the Little League World Series championship game? Even though Chandler National isn’t playing, dammit.”

Third inning, neither team scores.

Fourth inning, two-out walk to AJ goes for naught when Coco Crispy robs JD of a homer. After four, 1-1.

(thinks to herself) “Chandler Hamilton won the Babe Ruth World Series. Not nearly as much fanfare, though. I guess 14-year-olds aren’t considered as cute as 12-year-olds.”

Fifth inning, here we go. Boston scores 4. We don’t.

(thinks to herself) “In the Konerko jersey contest in the Clubhouse, I predicted that the Sox would have 14 hits today. Well, we’re halfway through, and I only need 13 more. What the hell was I THINKING?”

Sixth inning, Red Sox score 2. We don’t. End of six, Wrong Sawx 7, Sox 1.

(thinks to herself) “Hmmm. Little League has a ‘mercy rule.’ Maybe MLB should think about instituting one of those. Not for the sake of the players, but for the fans.”

Seventh inning. Ryan Bukvich is in. Whoopee. Nobody scored. They didn’t have to, and we obviously can’t.

(thinks to herself) “I wonder if most Bears fans realize that Adam Archuleta is a grad of Chandler High School and ASU?”

Eighth inning, nobody scores. DJ and Hawk haul out the platitudes. “Bust our butts (twice),” “play the game right (twice),” etc. Doesn’t help; still 7-1 the wrong way.

(thinks to herself) “Well, I can watch the rest of this game or go do the pooper scoop patrol. I’m thinking the pooper-scooping would probably be much more fun.”

Ninth inning, Red Sox score again. Four runs. 11-1. Possibly the worst part was hearing all those “Let’s Go, Red Sox” chants. Here’s one for you-“Bite Me, Red Sox.” Oh, I SOO want to see that team fall flat on its face! Red Sox fans, you suck!

Game over. Would have been nice if two teams had shown up.

(thinks to herself) “Yep. Pooper-scooping was much more fun than watching this train-wreck.”

WSI's
Back to the Grind Update:
Sox fans who had to deal with those idiot Red Sox fans all weekend. Sox management should hold a special “Sox Fans Who Had to Deal with Idiot Red Sox Fans” appreciation day.


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