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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Boston in full retreat!

September 13, 2003 at Boston


Today's temperature:
96
"There is no truth that Jerry Manuel does not know the out of town scores!  This is a pennant race and the field manager loved and respected by all Sox Fans is aware of all necessary strategic information.  Do not believe the media's lies!"

Short Take:  A glorious victory--and this time I mean it!

The Big Liars of New England and their putrid rabble of insufferable fans have tried to steal the name Sox and claim it as their own.  Their city is not the hub, but the hub of lies and deceit.  Lying is forbidden back in Chicago.  Mayor Daley will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor and integrity--and a Sox Fan, too. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts.  "Sox" is our name, not theirs!  We are not afraid of Boston.  God has condemned them.  They are stupid.  They are stupid... and they are condemned!

Bartolo Colon is not overweight but merely overfed from eating the Twinkies who surrendered to him en masse in his last start.  Today Red Sox hitters were surrendering to him, and many others committed suicide.  He threw the complete nine innings, 116 pitches, allowed just five hits and led the Sox to the 3-1 victory that Sox Fans--the REAL Sox Fans--never doubted.  We are in control and they are in a state of hysteria.  Losers, they think that by lying and trying to distort who owns the Sox name will win.  There is absolutely no truth that Bartolo caught a break from the umpires in the eighth.  Let Boston live in their illusion.  We will butcher them and beat them with shoes!

This retard, the knuckleballer named Wakefield, was no match for our brave and glorious Sox hitters.  In the fourth inning Carlos Lee swung mighty lumber, touching first base, second base, third base, and home, Praise be God!  This pathetic Wakefield had no tricks or deception to fool our hitters.  Jose Valentin's rbi single scored Carl Everett, while Boston bumbled, and ran in full retreat!  Insufferable Red Sox fans were committing suicide in their $70 seats!  Tomorrow we will invite more of them to commit suicide!

A pathetic attempt to keep the game close was immediately snuffed out.  The fate of Boston, surrounded on all sides, was sealed in the seventh when Valentin led off with a walk, this stupid man Wakefield too afraid to throw strikes!  Manos stole second base, then Joe Crede hit a short grounder to third base.  The former Cub and still a loser--the thirdbasemen named Mueller--looked for all the world as the lumbering ox of a loser he is trying to field the ball and catch the fleet of foot Valentin sliding safe into third.  Sox Fans laughed out loud as Roberto Alomar plated Valentin with a glorious sacrifice fly. 

The Boston media will never stop lying.  There is no truth that tomorrow is the rubber game!  We have them surrounded and our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly.  They are retreating on all fronts. Their team is a subject of laughter throughout the world--even ESPN Sportscenter!  Gammons, Reynolds, Valentine--they are a funny trio!

WSI's
Tinkerer Update:
 There was absolutely no tinkering anywhere in Boston. 


submitted by WSI Information Minister.

Sox Clubhouse "Pick to Click" Winner

Bartolo Colon

A 5-hit complete game effort leaving Boston hitters to surrender en masse and insufferable Boston fans committing suicide in their $70 seats! 

Play WSI's Pick to Click Contest!

 

2003 Sox Schedule

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