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WSI News - Totally Biased Game Recaps

Weapons of Mass Destruction Found!

August 16 At Texas


Today's temperature:
130
"Jerry gives Bartolo enough rope to hang several people and it ends up killing the Sox. The Sox fight back from an early 5-run deficit, but end up losing when Jerry fails to realize that Colon is stinking up the joint."

Short Take: Colon gets shelled in Texas.

Regardless of what last night's recap author would have you believe, the Sox were the victim of a massive bombing campaign tonight in Texas. Bartolo Colon was the chief victim as the Rangers brought out the big guns and put up several crooked numbers in the first 4 innings alone. The Sox did manage a brief lead when they scored 6 in the 3rd inning, but that was pretty much it until it was much too late. Colon gave up 9 runs in his brief stint but the good news is the back of the Texas Rangers have been broken and there will be no further resistance. Buck Showalter was last seen running from The Ballpark in Arlington praying that he could get away from the relentless ground assault of the White Sox. But, by then it was much too late. The WOMD had already done their work and the Sox only consolation is that they have the Rangers on the run.

While the box score may look like the Sox only had one big inning the reality is that they had the Rangers on the run from early on. Unfortunately they were running in circles around the bases as they jacked home run after home run into the seats all over the park. When the baseballs weren't leaving the yard, they were finding gaps and bouncing past fielders. If only the last Management team hadn't allowed this mess to get so bad, the Sox might have stood a chance, but this one was all Bill Veeck's fault. Some might argue that Alex Rodriquez was only a small child when Veeck owned the team, but Palmeiro was a teenager and Buck Showalter the mastermind of this powerful evil team was already a grownup. If Veeck had done his job, the Sox would have won this game going away and there would be no need for them even to play these games. The Sox would already be world champions. Alas, it was not to be...

Danny Wright didn't fare much better than Colon, giving up a fast 3 runs before ever recording an out and allowing the terrorist Rangers to escape the clutches of our mighty baseball machine. While the Sox were pouring it on in the 3rd with a relentless ground attack (the fastest and most impressive in baseball history), the heathen Rangers were plotting how best to sneak their WOMD past the Sox defense in the next two innings. Again, it comes back to Veeck and those awful blue dress-like uniforms he used to stain the team's reputation. His lies and dismantling of the security apparatus necessary to win these games have led us to this point.

With the Rangers on the run, the Sox will send Neal Cotts to the mound on Sunday. One can only hope that the Rangers sneak attacks won't be as effective and that the Sox can make it back to their city and their fans with minimal casualties. But, since Showalter has already abandoned the team, it is time to set our sights on the next member of the axis of West-coast evil the Anaheim Angels. After all, this battle is already over...

WSI's
General's Update:
 No Frank, Daubach bats 5th, Everett bats 3rd. And it was a major success for General Disarray


submitted by White Sox Press Secretary.

Sox Clubhouse "Pick to Click" Winner

Sandy Alomar

Drove in 3 runs and scored one on a double and a homer - all in the 3rd inning.

Play WSI's Pick to Click Contest!

 

2003 Sox Schedule

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