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WSI News - Season Features

Chicago's anti-fans

Definitive proof:  2 out of 3 Cubs fans aren't paying attention!

by George Bova

At White Sox Interactive, we've made plenty of fun about the Lovable Losers and their pathetic rabble of fans.  We laughed out loud in 1999 when Mike Caruso hit that piddly homerun to sweep the defending National League "wild card champions" at Wrigley Field.  We've blown the lid on the dirty secrets about Wrigley Field.  No less an authority than WSI's Vito Fungo revealed the truth about the charade played by WGN and the bleacher bums with those fake homerun balls being thrown back.  Sox Fans, only WSI is brave enough to tell the truth!

Sometimes it seems White Sox Interactive is the sole voice for totally biased Sox Fans.  We even wrote a primer to Sox Fandom for the Chicago media to brush up on.  Obviously, few of them have paid attention.

So even we were a bit amazed to open the paper and find such a sterling example of what separates Sox Fans from whatever it is inhabiting the seats at Wrigley Field.  Calling those people "fans" is truly to stretch the definition.

Don't believe it?  Check out the picture below.

Here you have twelve Cub "fans" at Wrigley Field for Mark Prior's major league pitching debut.  How many of them are watching the game in front of them?  Four.

Nearly as many, three in fact, are following Wrigley's real action: whatever is going on over their left shoulder in the bleachers.  Since it was a chilly night game, we can assume they aren't staring at the contents of a girl's bikini top. Maybe they're simply searching for another beer man?

One has his back to the diamond and another is talking on his cell phone.  Oh boy, try and fit the stereotype a little better, fellas!

Still another fan appears to be sucking his thumb.  WSI's totally biased Sox Fans have made countless jokes about piss-pants Flub fans, but we can't ever recall anyone accusing them of sucking their thumb.  We stand corrected.

And of course, there is the poor child hanging the "K" signs for Mark Prior.  He sports a t-shirt with the name and number of a previous Cubs "savior", Kerry Wood.  We wonder if he even realizes the chances are good the ink on his new Mark Prior shirt will have hardly faded before the Cubune begins hyping someone else as the team's savior to distract Cub fandom from another losing season?  We imagine a whole "saviors" drawer in this kid's bedroom filled with worn out t-shirts for Wood, Corey Patterson, Bobby Hill, and (someday soon) Hee Seop Choi.

The Cubs leads the league in blasphemy.  Who can forget Sammy Sosa comparing himself to Jesus Christ?  Oh that's right, the answer to that would be everyone in the Chicago media--the same folks who haven't bothered to do a shred of investigative work after that big bag of Sammy's money "disappeared" from a hotel lobby this past winter.

What advice can we Sox Fans give the poor misguided youth in the Wood shirt?  How about, "Kid, stay off the Cubbie crack--and chugging a few Slim Fast shakes wouldn't be a bad idea, either."

Keep the faith, Sox Fans.  This too shall pass.

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