Escape from Cubbie Carnival!

by Guy Bacci
 

So the ball is gone. The supposed symbol of Cubs’ cursedom blown to smithereens.

If only it were that easy.

The curse is still very much alive, and talk of the curse will swell to an intolerable level as the 2004 season progresses. Prepare yourselves, Southside faithful. The video of the ball’s destruction will be replayed thousands of times. Can you imagine if the Cubs reach October? Fox will cut away to clips of the Bartman Ball Bash after every pitch. It could even rival the number of times they cut away for a close-up of Kerry Wood’s wife. And heaven forbid the Cubs fail in October again, we’ll be seeing The Ball footage for years to come.

The Ball -- may it rest in peace -- has undoubtedly had an impact on the future fans of Chicago. Young, impressionable observers are either entranced by the hoopla, or utterly disgusted. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which of those swing-voters will become Cub fans and which will become Sox fans.

It’s times like these when the Sox Band of Brothers is spiritually connected. We can’t comprehend Cubs’ fans obsessions with events off the field. We don’t understand how one foul ball could be a national phenomenon, nor do we care. The sign that was seen behind the hosts of the Today Show was the clever idea of one bold Sox fan, but it spoke for us all: “GET OVER IT, GO TO A SOX GAME.”

Believe it or not, someone is listening. Out there somewhere is a young Chicagoan, most likely wise beyond his (or her) years, who is tired of the absurdity of it all. He’s looking for an escape from the carnival that is the Cubs. He’s looking to root for a team that doesn’t talk about curses or goats or babes in bikinis. He’s wanting to distance himself from obnoxious celebrities like Bill Murray, Jim Belushi, Billy Crogan, et al. He’s hoping to someday hear the Seventh Inning Stretch sung in harmony.

So where’s he gonna turn? Welcome aboard, young brother! There’s plenty of room on this Sox bandwagon. Many of us were in your shoes at one point in our lives.

Keep in mind, though, this bandwagon isn’t for everyone. Undoubtedly, there are many young fans being enchanted by the Cubs’ publicity. They want to run with the popular crowd; they don’t want to be taunted at school. They think it’s cool that America has fallen for the sappy Cubs storyline. They prefer bleachers over fireworks, ivy over night games. That’s fine. They can make their own choices. We don’t want ‘em anyway.

We’ll take the few recruits who show up on the Sox doorstep because the Bartman Ball Bash put them over the edge. We know they’re out there. Hopefully they’re bold enough to step forward.

If they need some coaxing, just consider this comment from the man who organized the destruction of The Ball: “It sends a message: If anybody wants to interfere with the Cubs going to the World Series in the future, they can just look at what's left of this ball.”

Ummmmmm... what does that mean, exactly? If Roger Clemens defeats the Cubs in Game Seven of the NLCS, are they going to stuff him into a wood-chipper a la Fargo? I guess we should be grateful they only pulverized the ball instead of lynching Steve Bartman.

Okay, so that’s a little unfair. I’m crossing the line and I don’t need to. After all, the prospective recruit doesn’t care about the Cubs’ deficiencies anyway. He wants to know what’s in it for him. He wants to make sure that joining the Sox Army isn’t a death sentence.

Sorry, I can’t guarantee it won’t be.

It’s never a smooth ride on the Southside. We suffer. More than Cub fans, because we don’t turn our suffering into some sort of celebrated hardship. Joining our ranks is not easy. It takes courage, fortitude, and loyalty. If you’re up to the task, you may find it to be rewarding. Otherwise, you’ll likely crumble under the pressure.

You’ve noticed the Cubs signing Kerry Wood and Derrek Lee to long-term deals, and you recognize the Cubs are finally starting to act like a major franchise in a large market. Don’t be expecting such behavior on the Southside. White Sox baseball is not for those with weak stomachs.

But consider this: In 1984, the buzz around town was all about the Sox, especially after reaching the ALCS in ’83 and acquiring Tom Seaver in the off-season. Now 20 years later, the roles are reversed. Greg Maddux has joined the Cubs, and they’re a supposed lock for the NL Central. Of course you know what happened in ’84 -- the Cubs came from nowhere to win the division, while the Sox and Tom Seaver collapsed.

Imagine the sweetness of the Sox reaching the post-season in 2004 and the Cubs narrowly missing. (I know, it takes a wild imagination, but if you try really hard, you can see it...)

Now don’t you want to be a part of that? Or do you want to spend another season glamorizing a curse and a billy goat?

Don’t wait any longer. Operators are standing by to reserve your seat on the Ozzie Express. Don’t hedge now, young brother. If you’re sick of Cub mania, the cure is just a few miles south.

Guy Bacci is from the north suburbs of Chicago, where he couldn't avoid growing up as a pampered and snotty Cubs fan. Luckily, he saw the light in 1985 and never looked back.  He loved the hard-working, old-school tactics of Carlton Fisk, who would become his all-time favorite player.  His most memorable moment was going to a Sox double-header with his grandfather, who insisted on staying all nine hours (including a long rain delay).  Guy is a journalism grad from Northwestern, currently residing in Seattle, where he works as a computer programmer and freelance writer. He can be reached at guybacci@yahoo.com.

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